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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Work sending me on a conference I don't want to go on!

137 replies

fifitot · 28/09/2011 20:43

I have a 12 m old baby and a 5 yr old. Work have said I have to travel for a day's conference/meeting in central London in November. I have attended this annual event before so know it's at least 14 hours out of the house - 6 am train there and 7ish arrival back home. (Live up North)

I really don't want DH to have to do the morning and evening routine and for me not to see the kids all day. Know it's only a day but really........my baby is still young and both of them are a 2 man job, especially at night time routine. Baby has severe eczema and has to be bathed and wet wrapped etc.

I don't want to go! Have asked to be excused bearing in mind 2 of my colleagues also going. However been told we need a 'strong presence' at this event so no way out of it. Only concession is boss will allow me to leave a bit earlier...

What do you think? AIBU or should they be a bit more 'family friendly'?

OP posts:
MollyTheMole · 28/09/2011 21:08

still yabu from me Im afraid

Its one day and its not an excessive demand at all, you'll stll be home earlier than some working parents and if you are a manager then you absolutely should be there as one of the 'faces' of the company

Original poster
fifitot · 28/09/2011 21:09

It is a professional job but not really highly paid tbh. If I'd 'signed up' for long hours it might sit more comfortably with me. I do work very hard and just thought that this year, while the baby was still young they might give me a bit of slack.

The boss is a bit of a workaholic woman with no kids who regularly puts in long days but that's her choice and she is well rewarded. Plus she gets to travel first class on her London trips! (that's another thread entirely though!)

OP posts:
smallwhitecat · 28/09/2011 21:09

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upahill · 28/09/2011 21:12

I do work very hard and just thought that this year, while the baby was still young they might give me a bit of slack.

So you want special treatment because you are a working mum?

i'm sure others in your company think that they work hard too.

Hardgoing · 28/09/2011 21:13

My contract asks me to do my 37 hours or 'whatever the job requires' or some such wording. It's not a favour to work one day at a conference if you have time off in lieu. If you were a single parent, surely you'd have to have your children stay over at your mums, a friends or even pay for childcare overnight. I have never heard of it being a favour to fulfil your job description, even the right to ask for flex-time is just a right to ask, not to get it (as some of my friends found out the hard way).

MissBeehiving · 28/09/2011 21:13

Blimey, it's one day a year. That's not unreasonable. You'll be back at 7!

smallwhitecat · 28/09/2011 21:15

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Hardgoing · 28/09/2011 21:15

I don't think you were wrong to ask, though. It may be they didn't need you this year, or saw you struggling a bit and cut you some slack. A nice manager might have done that, because sometimes it's not necessary for everyone to do everything exactly the same every year (someone else might get slack cut if they have to go to a funeral or want to take a break at a busy time).

Fine to ask, but once you have been told you are needed, you just have to suck it up.

NoMoreWasabi · 28/09/2011 21:16

Yabu

Original poster
fifitot · 28/09/2011 21:18

Is it special treatment? or recognition that I have a small child and not always so easy to just be away from home all day. As it is DH will have to take leave so that he is around to take them to nursery/school in the morning. We have no other help.

Maybe I have a skewed view but I certainly think employers shouldn't give 'special treatment' but should be aware of the diversity of needs etc of their workforce. It's only one day but whats the deal with letting me miss this one this year.

OP posts:
formerdiva · 28/09/2011 21:19

smallwhitecat talks sense. I'm surprised at the number of people who think you're BU - I wouldn't want to be uneccessarily away from a 1 yo either (and as you've previously been to the conference, you're the best judge of how necessary it is). Be careful about making an issue about it, though. It may not be a battle worth picking if it only arises once a year...

lemonbonbons · 28/09/2011 21:19

Gosh surprised -enjoy your free lunch and mooch round a nice hotel ! (presuming you ll be at a nice location )

Have a nice ' day off' - conferences are a great break from usual routine .

Your lucky to see the kids so much in the week - I'm a teacher and see mine under hour a day during the week ( every day) .

Just enjoy you weekend insteadGrin

smallwhitecat · 28/09/2011 21:19

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smallwhitecat · 28/09/2011 21:21

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Sirzy · 28/09/2011 21:21

Of course it would be special treatment if you didn't have to go simply because you have children!

Original poster
fifitot · 28/09/2011 21:21

No won't make a battle of it and will go. Trouble is it does eat at your good will a bit. That is why as a manager myself, I would probably cede to the request, knowing that if you are flexible with staff, they are usually cooperative back.

OP posts:
indiastar · 28/09/2011 21:24

YANBU. I would hate to leave my children for that long, even if it was 'just for one day.' DO what you think is best for your family.

Original poster
fifitot · 28/09/2011 21:25

Don't agree Sirzy. Why do we have flexible working agreements in some companies and parental leave etc then? Is that special treatment too or recognition of family responsibilities and committments.

I wouldn't like to work for any organisation who failed to recognise that or the diverse needs and responsibilities of any of their workforce. Workers aren't just robots are they?

BTW - 'free lunch' and 'nice hotel'. i work in the public sector we don't even get a cup of tea at meetings now never mind a lunch.

OP posts:
Pfriend · 28/09/2011 21:25

YABU. It's not as if either of them is a tiny baby. Is your OH totally uncapable or something? It's one day FFS!

SpanishPaella · 28/09/2011 21:26

I really don't want DH to have to do the morning and evening routine and for me not to see the kids all day.

sorry but hard luck. I dare say you want the same money as the other staff get so you have to do equal work. Unfortunately if you want to do it all, something has to give

TheMitfordsMaid · 28/09/2011 21:26

I think the responses you are getting are indicative of the economic climate. I've thought for a while that the recession would make employers less family-friendly. A few years back employers were looking for all sorts of ways to retain and reward employees. They don't have to work so hard now and will insist on more than their pound of flesh. You won't get sympathy, I fear, with job security being what it is.

SpanishPaella · 28/09/2011 21:27

so would you say oh ok pay me less and give me more flexible hours?

BimboNo5 · 28/09/2011 21:27

it's to do with her not being an indentured slave.

WTAF? Its a ONE DAYconference, not even coming back late, quit with the dramatics please! And why should people who are paid to do a job just like everyone else be cut some slack?

SpanishPaella · 28/09/2011 21:27

as an employer i would never employ a woman with school aged kids :) sorry but it aint worth the hassle

porcamiseria · 28/09/2011 21:29

yabu! its a day, just go

will DH give you grief if he has to handle the childcare

next year i have to go for a fucking week! ugh

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