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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Work sending me on a conference I don't want to go on!

137 replies

fifitot · 28/09/2011 20:43

I have a 12 m old baby and a 5 yr old. Work have said I have to travel for a day's conference/meeting in central London in November. I have attended this annual event before so know it's at least 14 hours out of the house - 6 am train there and 7ish arrival back home. (Live up North)

I really don't want DH to have to do the morning and evening routine and for me not to see the kids all day. Know it's only a day but really........my baby is still young and both of them are a 2 man job, especially at night time routine. Baby has severe eczema and has to be bathed and wet wrapped etc.

I don't want to go! Have asked to be excused bearing in mind 2 of my colleagues also going. However been told we need a 'strong presence' at this event so no way out of it. Only concession is boss will allow me to leave a bit earlier...

What do you think? AIBU or should they be a bit more 'family friendly'?

OP posts:
TeaOneSugar · 28/09/2011 21:54

I'm surprised you expected a better response, it's not short notice and your DH can be available to cover, I don't particularly see the problem.

Vallhala · 28/09/2011 21:55

"Is it special treatment? or recognition that I have a small child and not always so easy to just be away from home all day."

I have 3 dogs and it isn't possible for me to leave them all day either but if that's what my job required then I'd have to do it. What if one of your colleagues claimed special treatment for that reason? It's genuine, it's valid, it involves the welfare of living creatures... would that be okay with you too?

And Spanish has described exactly why YABU. You are doing the working female population no favours at all.

Vallhala · 28/09/2011 21:56
  • Correction, before anyone pulls me up. If I were an employee and required to leave the dogs I'd have to find paid care... which is something you don't have to do OP.
cory · 28/09/2011 21:57

Would you think it equally valid for your dh to refuse to go to a conference because he has a young family? Or is it really about your feeling that only mummy will do?

MrsSchadenfreude · 28/09/2011 21:59

Why will your DH have to take leave? Can't he just go into work a bit late? I don't see a long commute here, given that you are both back in the evening to put them to bed.

I had a contract once that required me to be available for work 24/7 if required. No overtime, TOIL at line manager's discretion, which rarely happened. It didn't happen very often, but I did end up having to work a shift one week which required a 4.00 a.m. start, and also worked some weekends. You either pay for childcare - see if your office would pay for a temp nanny if you are going to be out of pocket (mine would), or your DH has to rearrange his routine a bit. It's one day. Not a weekly occurrence.

worraliberty · 28/09/2011 22:00

Really OP attitudes like yours are why some employers are reluctant to employ women of child bearing age.

It's once a year and you have a Husband to sort the kids!

MrsSchadenfreude · 28/09/2011 22:01

What Worra and SpanishPaella have said as well.

Vallhala · 28/09/2011 22:02

Also, given that you have young DC and both work, can your normal carer not look after the children for a little longer, so allowing DH to go to work, even if he is a little late in or leaves a little early to drop off/collect?

CaptainBarnacles · 28/09/2011 22:05

YABVU and precious. You can't do a professional job and expect it all to be within office hours ALL the time. You are extremely lucky to only be asked to do this sort of thing occasionally.

cat64 · 28/09/2011 22:10

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CaptainBarnacles · 28/09/2011 22:16

Good post, cat64.

exoticfruits · 28/09/2011 22:19

Great post cat64-nothing to add.

smallwhitecat · 28/09/2011 22:22

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CurrySpice · 28/09/2011 22:23

No. It's not always easy.

Welcome to the world of working parents

It's one evening. You are working. Why should you feel "worried" or "guilty"

Sorry but if a colleague of mine said those things I wold think they were a bit lame

Your DH is at home. He is their parent too.. So he might be a bit stratched for one bedtime. He'll cope. The kids will be fine. You need to get a bit of a grip tbh

I don't mean to sound harsh but FGS it's one evening! Not being sent away for 4 weeks to Australia!!

wellwisher · 28/09/2011 22:24

YABU.

What if (God forbid) you had to go into hospital? If your DH really can't cope with both kids on his own, it's time he learnt...

CurrySpice · 28/09/2011 22:24

smallwhitecat...yeah. That's just how people can treat their jobs nowadays. be totally inflexible and only do the bare minimum they are paid for and expect special treatment because they have kids

Smell that? It's the coffee. Wake up!!

upahill · 28/09/2011 22:25

smallwhitecat Have you not seen the last sentence on virtually ever job description? It says ' ...... and any other duties that are required'

smallwhitecat · 28/09/2011 22:28

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FlyingPirates · 28/09/2011 22:32

ok, just for clarification, is it not your commute that makes it 14 hours? As in , the conference presumably is 9-5 so not out of office hours and therefore not unreasonable for an employer to request you attend a conference within 'work hours'. Understandably, quite a few people commute and they know this but you chose where to live with that commute. (having said that we cant all live next door to our workplaces!) Sorry, not meaning to be nasty, but you make the whole 14 hours thing as such a big deal.

You will still be home quite early, really. Go in and give them a kiss and smell them. I love sleepy cuddles! :)

CurrySpice · 28/09/2011 22:32

SMV+C while I am all in favour of workers rights, I don't think asking someone in a professional role to work a slightly longer day than usual, one day a year, is exactlytaking the piss is it?

We all have to be a little flexible too.

CurrySpice · 28/09/2011 22:33

Sorry, I meant SWC

smallwhitecat · 28/09/2011 22:34

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GColdtimer · 28/09/2011 22:38

How can bedtime for a 12 month old and a 5 year old be a two person job? Surely the 5 year old is able to watch tv/do a puzzle/look at books whilst your dh sees to the baby? I and many others put two children to bed on our own pretty much every night.

I do think you are being a bit precious.

CurrySpice · 28/09/2011 22:41

OK, SMC, I'd like to see you go and get arsey about this with an employer or the OP's colleagues (who presumably all also have places they would rather be). I thi k you might get laughed out of the room tbh

smallwhitecat · 28/09/2011 22:44

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