Work sending me on a conference I don't want to go on!

[fifitot]

I have a 12 m old baby and a 5 yr old. Work have said I have to travel for a day's conference/meeting in central London in November. I have attended this annual event before so know it's at least 14 hours out of the house - 6 am train there and 7ish arrival back home. (Live up North)

I really don't want DH to have to do the morning and evening routine and for me not to see the kids all day. Know it's only a day but really........my baby is still young and both of them are a 2 man job, especially at night time routine. Baby has severe eczema and has to be bathed and wet wrapped etc.

I don't want to go! Have asked to be excused bearing in mind 2 of my colleagues also going. However been told we need a 'strong presence' at this event so no way out of it. Only concession is boss will allow me to leave a bit earlier...

What do you think? AIBU or should they be a bit more 'family friendly'?

[aldiwhore]

YABU.

It sucks, but its part of your job. Sorry if I'm unsympathetic, I am not really, but you are still being unreasonable.

You're a manager, it goes with the territory, its your choice after all, you could always take a demotion and go part time, lose money, career status etc etc but be able to do bath time bedtime every night, all assemblies, classroom help la la la.... its an example of not being able to have it all, all choice involves sacrifice, and I would argue that on this subject, yours is a small one. Surrender to the twatty conference, enjoy it, you will still be mummy when you get home, no one will be damaged, nothing will have changed.

You need to be at the conference. YANBU for not being HAPPY about it though!!

[AuntiePickleBottom]

Book a hotel where the confence and take the family with you problem solved

[fifitot]

I think it's interesting that some of you are saying I am paid to do a job like everyone else. Well yes I am but attending conferences that require me to out of the house for 14 hours, starting at 6am isn't really my job. It's additional to my job. It's not in my contract or anything. It's just an expectation.

I actually work 4 days pw and am paid pro rata but get exactly the same amount of work as those who are full-time. I do it without argument and I suspect that's the same for many part time workers who do just 'suck it up.' Employers do very well out of part timers IME.

[SpanishPaella]

she'd be a bit stuffed if she were a single parent who was confined to daycare hours though wouldn't she

why? she is paid at the same rate as everyone else. What her circumstances are outside the job are irrelevant. She is paid to do a job, she should do that job whatever it entails.

How long did women bleat and moan so that interviewers were not allowed to ask childcare/family related questions when interviewing a woman for a job. Ok, so the woman doesnt want childcare to be an issue when an employer is deciding on whether to give someone a job, thats fine, only you cant have it all ways to suit you LOL

[upahill]

Surely you knew that part of your job was to attend a conference when necessary if required?

If you don't like that part of your job description or request find a job that suits your needs.

I said about the job I had when the kids were babies and I didn't like that bit to it but it got money in the house when we needed it.
Often we have to do things we don't like to keep working.
I think it is a reasonable request from your employer.
If they suddenly changed things and said you had to go be out until 7.00pm (shock!!) four nights a week every week then you would have something to moan about and I would agree with you then but once a year! Come off it!

[porcamiseria]

I think we can sometimes pull the "small children" argument, but for one day , once a year, nah

you atre lucky to have a 4 days a week job, really.

[fifitot]

I have taken demotion, paycut and part-time hours already aldi. That's what is so annoying. I really am not trying to have it all. Just want to do my job and go home to my family.

[AyesToTheRight]

Are both you and your DH normally there at bedtime? That is quite unusual among couples who work - nice when it happens but generally you just get on with it.

I'm sure your DH can manage and tbh I think you are being unreasonable.

[aldiwhore]

I used to work in the public sector, for slightly more than minimum wage, wasn't contracted for late running boring important meetings where I was neither use nor ornament and certainly not much listened to, I wasn't contracted to attend conferences either, but I did, because well, your job's in jeopardy if you don't. As I found out!!

Its a given.

Its one day, is it worth a battle and suddenly to find you're a victim of random 'cuts'???

I would urge you fight injustice, I would shout hurrah if you stood up to incredibly unreasonable or unlawful treatment, but a one day conference? Nah, not worth the battle.

[formerdiva]

SpanishPaella - are you by chance a saudi arabian cleric that's wondered onto this site by accident?

[BimboNo5]

Oh get a grip, you are expected to do it once a year. We all have to do things we dont want to or put in extra hours from time to time, god know the past few months ive not left work less than an hour later than I should have or had meal breaks and I dont get the time back/any extra pay.

[Sidge]

Crikey I am amazed that you would even be arguing the point here.

It's your job.
Your baby is one year, not one month.
You'd be gone for 14 hours not 14 weeks.
Your older child is 5 years, not 5 months.
Your DH is able to be home to sort them out. It's not like you'd be depending on someone else to collect them, feed them, bathe them and put them to bed.

You could refuse to go but I imagine it would be a black mark against your name?

[upahill]

OK so now you are drip feeding info.

Suit your self whether you go or not.

The overwhelming majority have told you that yabu.

[trixymalixy]

It's one day for crying out loud!!!!!!

[bemybebe]

I have no idea. On the surface of it YABU. If this is part of your job and you are paid for it, you should just get on with it. It is one day a year after all...

[fifitot]

Dripfeeding? Thought I was just responding to posts? Ah well.

Thanks for your responses.

[porcamiseria]

kind of agree with spanish paella!

I am very very very careful to not be seen to have kids impact my worklife

they are my world and I leave on time to see them, but I think its unfair that women are always the ones that have to take time off when the kids are sick

[upahill]

porcamiseria That's untrue. Women do not always take time off when kids are sick.

Bit of a broad sweeping statement that!!

[trixymalixy]

I'm the same porcamiseria, I try to net let me having kids have any impact,although I don't agree with spanishpaella..

[squeakytoy]

I would hate to leave my children for that long, even if it was 'just for one day.'


for fecks sakes, its only 14 hours.. not a fortnight!!!! no wonder some children get hysterical when they go to school if they are so unused to being away from their mother now and again..

[wonkylegs]

I understand your reluctance but YABU
I was sent to a different continent on 3days notice for a week.... I was the only person qualified to go and if I'd refused our small company would have lost business we couldn't have afforded.
I am often asked to do long trips (north based too) and 6-7 sounds more than reasonable esp if it's only a once a yr thing, mine are usually more like 7.30-11 or12pm (i get offered overnight but can't often sort 2 days of extra-ordinary childcare) I know they are your babies but tbh they aren't that tiny, they & DH will cope.
My problem is juggling sorting out care when DH is on the rota for nights or lates when I need to work away.

[TeaOneSugar]

A bit of an over reaction I think.

It's just one day and you've got plenty of notice to make arrangements for your dc.

[BoffinMum]

This is normal and I do it all the time. I go in late the next day to make up for the longer day, and to see the kids a bit more.

[wigglesrock]

YABU, my husband works shifts, sometimes he doesn't see our children for 2/3 days (5, 3 years and 7 months) and I manage. I'll be going back to work next month and he will have to do mornings and bedtimes (I sometimes work split shifts) Its your job, personally I'd be biting their arm to go.

[PatriciaHolm]

I thought this was going to be about them wanting to send you to America for a week or something!

YABU, as many others have said. It's for a specific, known event, not just a manager's whim or a badly managed workload. Thousands of others manage those kind of hours every day, and you'll still be home for bedtime anyway!

How many extra hours is it on your day, really? Say you leave the house at 8.30, home at 5.30, which would be a very short commute/short day - it's an extra 4 hours. If you want, take them off the rest of the week so your hours over the week are roughly what they should be. Though if it's a professional job, I'm guessing you don't work on a number of hours basis rather on a job done basis.