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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

That my DC's are not invited to my brothers wedding

335 replies

Siszilla · 27/09/2011 23:56

yes another childfree wedding thread....
We have attended a few child-free weddings and it was lovely to leave my DCs(4and2) with relatives at home to enjoy them. But, my DB is getting married and as most of his friends are already married with children, inviting all would mean 30+ kids at the wedding, which I do get. So friends babies are invited but not my DC's.

I am the only sibling and we live in London and their wedding is in Devon, so that means 3 days away and childcare needed for duration ( available childcare will more than likely be at the wedding) apart from elderly MIL who I wouldn't dream of leaving my DC's for 3 days with. What do I do, declining an invite is not an option. I have spoken to my DB but he is firm ' i have enough notice to get it sorted!'

OP posts:

Oakmaiden · 28/09/2011 21:04

When I was a little girl my best friend and I used to hang around outside the church waiting for weddings, and then go in and watch. You need some children like that to turn up!

Yama · 28/09/2011 21:11

My siblings wouldn't do this this but if they did I wouldn't go. I wouldn't leave my young children at home with non-family while I travelled five hours away.

I would though take them to the venue and reluctantly organise some sort of childcare. I wouldn't do this for anyone but family and that wouldn't happen. So, I'm going round in circles.

I wonder how much a babysitter for an day and evening costs. No, actually thinking about it even that is unsatisfactory. I wouldn't go.

Quintessentialist · 28/09/2011 21:14

I am sorry, but I think your brother must be the most pompous self centered arse on this planet. I really feal sorry for his bride to be. And you.
How shit for you. It is not like he is young an immature.

I think you should decorate the cake in a way that says ME ME ME ME ME ME all over it.

Yama · 28/09/2011 21:16

Excellent suggestion Quint.

ChaoticAngeloftheUnderworld · 28/09/2011 21:17

If a bride and groom want a child free wedding that's fine. However, they then can't throw a tantrum if people decline their invitation.

Your brother wanting to ban your DC from Devon is way beyond reasonable. With his attitude I wouldn't go if I were you and I'd tell him to find someone else to make the cake.

Btw Karma is a bitch. What's the betting that SIL2B's DN will scream all the way through the vows and speeches

ChaoticAngeloftheUnderworld · 28/09/2011 21:18

Well he's not young, age and maturity don't always go hand in hand.

Quint I get the impression this is as much the SIL2B as the DB.

LydiaWickham · 28/09/2011 21:25

Well, if you do want a good nanny for the day/evening, then ask the hotel. Your DB, however, must accept they won't confinded to their bedroom all day,so if it's a nice day, they might end up mingling with the other guests in the garden anyway.

If he doesn't even want you to bring them to the hotel and leave them at home, then you politely decline the invite. ask him when he will be coming over to collect the cake.

Am still not on good terms with SIL after her bridzillaness re children at their wedding - at least you've had notice, DS was uninvited just a few weeks before the wedding, (outfit bought etc) and then I got hassle as I couldn't sort childcare that didn't involve me leaving early in a few days. Got it sorted in the end, but after lots of bad feeling. Your SIL2B needs someone who cares about her to tell her you'll be her in-laws for a long time, and she'll be paying for this for decades...

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 28/09/2011 21:42

A word of caution. If it is a church ceremony, then the posters who have said that anyone can attend the ceremony are correct. But I'm not sure if this is the case if it is a civil ceremony, either in a Registry Office or a private venue.

Siszilla - I am beyond shocked that your db will not even consider your children being nearby during the wedding, but thinks you should leave them 5 hours drive away in London! The more I hear, the less I like this chap (and I wasn't that keen to begin with). I wouldn't be baking his cake for him.

BeyondLimitsOfTheLivingDead · 28/09/2011 21:44

legally, all weddings have to be open to the public. not sure how the slebs keep them out tho?

LittleMissWoodscommaElle · 28/09/2011 22:14

I remember reading about this issue with regards to Madonna's wedding and the fact that she wanted it to be kept totlly private. Legally there had to be publlic access. Can't remember what the outcome was.

PeachyWhoCannotType · 28/09/2011 22:17

Don't know about madge, but otherwise is case in civil due to the whole idf anyone objects bit

LittleMissWoodscommaElle · 28/09/2011 22:24

I guess that is why celebs keep the venue secret if at all possible.

musicposy · 28/09/2011 22:46

Yes, no matter where the wedding is held, they have to let you in in case you know of a reason to object

Amused by Oakmaiden - I wonder if any of those weddings we child free!

Bubbaluv · 29/09/2011 05:23

I can't see where the OP says the children aren't invited to the Family Lunch the next day. Did she actually say that? I'm all for a good child-free wedding and I have expressed my vote for a babysitter solution, but if they are not even willing to have children at the next day's event then that's taking things too far.

Wormshuffler · 29/09/2011 06:31

Get your DC's to decorate the cake!

MrsWembley · 29/09/2011 06:37

Fair point, Bubbaluv, I've just looked (bfing, nothing better to do) and I can't see. I think it was inferred and people have assumed and the OP's not corrected this so the assumption stands.

Bubbaluv · 29/09/2011 06:40

OP, can you clear this one up for us?

All the child-free destination weddings I've been to have had a child-friendly event the next day. Is this the case at the Devon debarcle or not?

blackeyedsusan · 29/09/2011 06:52

babies are invited because they don't have to pay for babies to eat.... and so that sils neice doesn't get excluded... probably set the bar at the age that baby will be.

hope you are not still planning to make the cake op.

pinkytheshrinky · 29/09/2011 07:13

Bloody child free weddings... really pisses me off.

If they want that then they should have fecked off to some beachy place and got married on their own.

Friends of ours did this and ended up with almost no one there - in my experience it is about people just wanting to control everything and it seems shame as I think it should be about family. The friends of ours are still very pissy with us for not going but I have 4 dcs one of whom was a bf baby and it was 5 hours up country too and I just couldn't be arsed with it.

I do think having all mners turning up with yelly and slightly grubby, sticky pawed children might be just the tonic this daft couple need.

banana87 · 29/09/2011 07:22

I get the whole "childless" wedding thing, but not when it comes to immediate family. How many nieces/nephews do they have between them?

In any case, I would personally go for the sitter option or bring your mum to look after your dc. If your db doesn't want them in Devon then tell him to go fuck himself and his cake

BimboNo5 · 29/09/2011 07:39

You are being slightly ridiculous there pinky- I do agree its harsh when it means family are excluded but that doesn't mean people who prefer childless weddings are joyless self centred control freaks.

LittleMissWoodscommaElle · 29/09/2011 09:28

The OP hasn't specifically said they are not invited to the lunch but she has said she has offered to get childcare for most of the wedding day at the venue but her db doesn't want them at the venue, he wants her to leave them in London.

LittleMissWoodscommaElle · 29/09/2011 09:29

QUOTE I asked today if they could eat at the reception with us and that I would pay for them, but was told no they would disrupt the speeches so my only compromise at the moment is to bring them with us and have a nanny all day and evening, but DB is still saying I should leave them at home. UNQUOTE

minervaitalica · 29/09/2011 09:34

There seems to be general agreement (shock... are we actually on Mumsnet?) that the DB in question is an a**e.

OP, let us know how you get on!

SpanishPaella · 29/09/2011 09:38

like i said on the other wedding thread, you just say sorry those arrangements arent convenient for me. Hope you have a lovely day, will be thinking of you

and thats that

why pander to someone else

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