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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to fear the whole 'school gate politics' thing??

158 replies

tryingtobemarypoppins2 · 27/09/2011 20:30

How clicky is it?? Will anyone like me??? Will my child be the only one not invited to parties????
We haven't really got involved in all the village play dates/meet in the parks things as we haven't really been invited/always busy with work, nursery, swimming etc etc.....AIBU to really worry about the clicks which seem to be formed already?

OP posts:
Nowtspecial · 27/09/2011 21:13

i've already been mutually interviewed and mutually rejected by those who do give a shit and made tentative pals with those who don't give a shit.

EggyAllenPoe · 27/09/2011 21:15

i did the school run today leaving the house at the exact time i am meant to be at the school gates (naughty ME!) covered in splatters of white paint (dulux white matt to be exact, not even Farrow & Ball..)

and wearing my decorating jeans..which are not that decorative! (and a size

addressbook · 27/09/2011 21:15

I have a small group of close friends who I see now and then. We talk about meaningful things and I have chosen them as friends precisely because they don't fall for the narcissistic yummy mummy crap. I can be pleasant, smile and make small talk. After all my dc will be making friends at the school. However after that I couldn't give a shit

EggyAllenPoe · 27/09/2011 21:15

..too big..thus revealing my more builderlike attributes)

i didn't hang about to chat!

pigletmania · 27/09/2011 21:17

I just don't care for it tbh. I live on the 'flight path' of a school run, and see mums going about 20 mins early so apparently they can gas talk before the kids come out. I just don't see the appeal. My dd is SN and just started at mainstream primary school, and because of this she does different hours, so I totally avoid the school run mums yay! I think that having a child with SN is a black mark for me in terms of being in a clique. Well so what, as long as dd is happy at school (which she seems to be) thats all that matters, and the teachers are wonderful with her.

januaryjojo · 27/09/2011 21:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TalesOfTheUnexpected · 27/09/2011 21:22

Meh! The early days are the hardest. Then it gets easier.

I never wanted to be in a clique. Made a few mum friends (have lost most of them now. It's amazing how discovering your child has SN will suddenly alienate you from a group).

Don't over-think it. Just see what evolves. It can be upsetting but you can always come back here and ask if you are being unreasonable Wink

LeBOF · 27/09/2011 21:22

It passed me by completely. I just dropped off and picked up, and didn't think any more of it. I would no more invite another parent waiting to collect their child for a cup of coffee than I would a random woman at a bus stop. It just wouldn't occur to me.

MorbidlyMoribund · 27/09/2011 21:25

Interviewing potential friends / being interviewed?
FB stalking??
Yummy mum cliques???

Confused - Grow up!!!

HTH

suebfg · 27/09/2011 21:27

I hate the school gate thing - DS has only been at school for two weeks. I also see lots of mums getting out of their cars early to have a natter. I stay in the car as long as possible reading my book.

troisgarcons · 27/09/2011 21:27

I was 'Satan' ... I worked ...... mind you I wasnt spending my day down the gym (hoping to be) shagging the tennis coach either !!!! There are some sad muppets at the school gate.

splatapus · 27/09/2011 21:29

I had years and years of literally making myself ill over the school run as DS1 has Aspergers and people were so, so nasty (lived in a little village at the time which didn't help.)

We've since moved, DS1 has left primary school etc. DD1 has just started in reception and I was determined not to let it all get to me and so far it is working. I am cheery and pleasant to all the other mums, don't get involved in any of the politics and concentrate on the DCs and it's much better. (Does help that DD1 is teachers pet much more settled than DS1 ever was, and the new school is not run by evil bitches from hell more friendly).

You will be fine just don't get drawn into it all. There will be more normal people than witches, it's just that they are louder and more attention-seeking so stand out more.

pigletmania · 27/09/2011 21:29

The number of threads on AIBU concerning cliques, and posters having problems with 'friends' blanking them or leaving them out of outings, holidays etc is enough to put me off tbh

BluddyMoFo · 27/09/2011 21:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pigletmania · 27/09/2011 21:34

I am lucky I guess as the school that dd goes to is not particularly cliquey, there are mums that get on that meet up outside school, but I have made a couple of lovely like minded friends from when dd went to the pre school attached to the school They are not part of a clique, and I know one of them (she is from Africa) gets very upset when she greets other mums and they blank her sometimes, or if they feel like it they will greet, she said that in her country everyone is friendly to everybody and can't understand it. I just tell her not to worry, thats how it can be like over here.

MorbidlyMoribund · 27/09/2011 21:34

OP - smile and wave, smile and wave Grin

....sad women with nothing better to do...

....seriously can you imagine WOHMs / WAHMs or dads (PT / FT / SAHD) getting this worked up

Do. Not. Get. Sucked. In.....

pigletmania · 27/09/2011 21:37

I am a STAHM and don't give a monkeys, would rather dispatch dd quick, so I can get home and watch supernanny do housework.

motherinferior · 27/09/2011 21:38

I think I must live in a parallel universe. I bloody love the school gate and I miss it now I'm working full-time OTH. It is full of delightful, interesting people whom I'm very pleased to have met. It's a nice support group. Yes, there are groups of people who have made friends with each other, but really I don't find this as appalling as MN would make this out to be.

MorbidlyMoribund · 27/09/2011 21:39

Quite piglet - meant to add SAHM with sense and important things to do in there too...

motherinferior · 27/09/2011 21:42

It's a group of parents, mainly women. Many of whom may well have something in common with you. Or may not have much in common with you but therefore have Unexplored Hinterlands. Most of whom are really quite friendly.

I hated the playground as a lumpen child. It's fine now.

MotherOfSuburbia · 27/09/2011 21:42

Gosh - I know it's lighthearted but am surprised at some experiences here. I am someone who is not great about making the first move talking to people but I have made loads of fabulous friends within the school community since my 1st DS started 4 years ago. By and large everyone is lovely and very supportive when anyone needs help. You get the odd prickly or funny character but just don't get involved.

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 27/09/2011 22:07

The playground is no different to any other venue where a variety of unconnected people gather for a common purpose.
Do you fear work?
Or going to the gym?

I agree with Worra. We are on our 3rd school now and are yet to encounter any of the cliques or bitchiness described on mn.

And rofl at the incredulity that some people may want to, shock horror, chat!

As for considering home ed in order to avoid contact with actual peopleHmm
Get a grip, please. Or your children may end up being as wet as some of you appear to be.

Harsh, probably. But honestly!
(anxiety,depression and other mental illness an exception, obviously)

Original poster
tryingtobemarypoppins2 · 27/09/2011 22:09

Oh bloody hell........I feel quite sick........
Perhaps I should choose a school outside of the village....

OP posts:
pigletmania · 27/09/2011 22:09

Thats exactly what I have found mother I am Shock at some posters experiences tbh, I have never encountered that. But then if I see a clique I run a mile in another direction. In fact there are a group of mums that do meet up outside and are quite cliquey, I was in the park over school holidays and I saw a little girl of one of the mums playing in the park and my dd was there. I looked over the hedge and on the other side the group of mums in the clique were having a picnic. I just waved and said hello and sat and watched dd in the park. I had no desire to be in that clique at all.

motherinferior · 27/09/2011 22:10

Oh for heavens' sake, OP, choose the village school, get to know your neighbours, make some charming new friends and enjoy it.

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