To be furious that neighbour put letter through door at 5am complaining about dd crying..?

[cheaperthantherapy]

i need some perspective I think... Am 12 weeks pg, so hormones contributing to irrational emotions -AIBU....

We moved to new house in July, semi detached in London. Poor dd, 14 mo, has been unsettled since move and has woken up average twice a night crying. I soothe and put her back down within 15 mins. The past week she's been teething and waking screaming 6 times a night. So I have get in with me to quickly calm and try teething gel.

Last night 5am our neighbour (mid 20s woman) put a letter through our door saying she is fed up with dd crying, she has gone to doc for medication, and asking if she needs to move to get sleep...

My reaction was to write a note back suggesting in an offended and grumpy tone that she clearly has more issues if she needs to see doc because of crying baby and recommended she buy earplugs (I attached a packet of ear plugs for her).

Dh didn't let me put the note in her door - but am still fuming... AIBU?

It's 2 bed house so the rooms are pretty restricted.

Are both bedrooms in her house occupied?

Talk to her about it and see if you can work out a solution while your daughter is teething.

Could you arrange to sleep next to DD so you're there as soon as she wakes? How about you both sleep downstairs for a while?

Is there anything you can do to sound proof the rooms more?

To everyone who's saying that the woman probably has no children and has no idea what it's like: so what? Does that mean that she should be kept awake every night by a screaming child?

It was passive aggressive of her to put the note through the door, but some people are shy and don't know what to do. Having no sleep is awful, especially when it's because of someone else's noise.

You should really be apologising to her and figuring out a solution together. Can she move rooms? Can your daughter? Do you move around when your daughter is crying?

YABU

Is the neighbour you have apologised to the attached neighbour or the other side?

There's not much difference of opinion actually OP,is there. The vast majority have advised you to apologise, and good on you for saying you will.

Hope your baby settles down soon.

see her face to face, make a fresh start, regardless of whether she has children or understands about teething babies, her sleep is being disturbed to the point she is on meds ! if you were waking her up with loud music/arguing/shouting 6 times a night, you'd certainly be in the wrong, I appreciate you cannot control how much your baby cries, but you need to understand her point of view
some noise is par for the course in a semi, but it would have been better to see her and chat and explain and tell her this won't be going on for ever .....
your note in reply was nasty and will prove to her you are an inconsiderate neighbour ! I can't believe you attached ear plugs ....!

I can understand both sides, but, what are you going to do?

Children cry, you live in a 2 bed semi, she's going to be able to hear - that's life. If it wasn't kids, then it'd be the milk float, or a particularly annoying cuckoo, or something

(speaking as someone who lived next to a couple with 3 raucous boys and had flaming rows - not even going to mention the trampoline and swimming pool in summer)

Dooin.......don't be so quick to doubt!! If op is in rented it could get nasty! It's happened before here on mn.

YABVU.

A friend of mine let her DD cry at night and the neighbours got so fed up that they got the police out - and the police gave my friend a formal warning for disturbing the neighbours.

I sympathise with both sides. My neighbours left their DS1 to scream the place down cry for half an hour in the middle of the night, every night for two years (stopped when their DS2 came along ). I never once complained in spite of the fact that we didn't get an unbroken night in all that time and when I noticed she was pregnant with the second one I burst into tears at the thought of another two years of it.
Can you work with her to find a part of the house where the crying is less noticeable? Sometimes when you are in a terrace or semi there are dead spots for sound around the place - if the baby is downstairs for example and she is upstairs? You could make an effort until your DC is through this phase and bear in mind that when you have the next the problem may be multiplied.

YABVU.

Babies do cry, but this is your baby, not hers, and you should be feeling bad about that fact that your baby has caused someone else sleepless nights, you do not have the right to be furious with someone because they have pointed out they you have disturbed them.

The onus is on you to go round and apologise to her, not her to have to come and talk to you when it has become a real problem.

Do you own the house? If so, you should look into soundproofing it, or if you rent and are likely to be there long term, you could offer your ll to pay half towards it.

How would you feel if this woman was playing loud music all night and preventing you from sleeping? No different imo.

I live in a flat.
I found out where my neighbours slept, and purposely if DD is crying pick her up and move her out of the adjoining room so as not to disturb them. If DD was waking 6 times a night I would definitely move her into the front room or our bedroom temporarily .
I like my neighbours. They return the favour by skimping on the late night parties etc. It's simple human kindness and decency.
You need to apologise to her and work out a compromise. Sorry if that's not what you want to hear.

I can never understand people who don't introduce themselves to their neighbours immediately they move - surely it is the norm (from both points of view) to knock on the door and welcome people or if that hasn't happened introduce yourselves to your neighbours - perhaps I have been lucky and always lived in friendly places - yes, that does include big cities and small villages - renting and buying.

It's no wonder that people are so isolated these days.

I agree with the others; the sensible thing to do here is to apologise to your neighbour and try to come to a solution that means minimal disturbance to her sleep. I agree about the note being passive aggressive, but like others have said she may be shy or she might have just have had enough at 5am this morning and written the stroppy note.

YABU. She sounds desperate and you sound like you have a massive sense of entitlement. Its not ok to let a baby scream 6 times a night without either apologising, acknowledging that it is horrific to disturb someone to that extent, or attempting a solution such as finding out what room she sleeps in and moving your dd to the diagonally opposite room.

Its not PA to put a note through the door at 5am. Its desperate, and better than actually paying a call at that hour.

Also I agree with what Kerrymumbles said

A 2 bed semi in London is not really adequate housing for a family of four. Why on earth have you just moved into a 2 bed house with one child, and another on the way?

And yes, do apologise. She is probably also really worried about her future in her home, as you are unable to settle one child, and soon there will be another in this restricted space.

Take your daughter to the G.P. Apologise to your neighbour and say you were not aware how much it was affecting her but you are doing what you can to remedy the situation. Your child might need painrelief or there might be an underlying issue you are not aware of that is causing her not to settle. I would involve some professional help now before it is thrust upon you.
I have have experience of this and it transpired that my daughter was Autistic. She could scream/cry for what seemed like hours and little would pacify her. As she was my eldest I had no idea what was wrong, I just thought I was a useless mother, despite doing all I could.
I think it would be sensible to have your G.P. note your concerns. Explain the duration and the complaint.

What's wrong with a 2 bed house?