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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious that neighbour put letter through door at 5am complaining about dd crying..?

470 replies

cheaperthantherapy · 27/09/2011 09:03

i need some perspective I think... Am 12 weeks pg, so hormones contributing to irrational emotions -AIBU....

We moved to new house in July, semi detached in London. Poor dd, 14 mo, has been unsettled since move and has woken up average twice a night crying. I soothe and put her back down within 15 mins. The past week she's been teething and waking screaming 6 times a night. So I have get in with me to quickly calm and try teething gel.

Last night 5am our neighbour (mid 20s woman) put a letter through our door saying she is fed up with dd crying, she has gone to doc for medication, and asking if she needs to move to get sleep...

My reaction was to write a note back suggesting in an offended and grumpy tone that she clearly has more issues if she needs to see doc because of crying baby and recommended she buy earplugs (I attached a packet of ear plugs for her).

Dh didn't let me put the note in her door - but am still fuming... AIBU?

OP posts:
Dexifehatz · 27/09/2011 23:40

What the fuck did this stupid neighbour really expect the mother to do? Move house? Smother child? Stupid bitch!

BustersOfDoom · 27/09/2011 23:50

A whole wall can be nothing. My house was built in 1939 and you would assume the walls between the houses are pretty thick. Not at all. My new neighbours have had a burglar alarm fitted and I already know the code cos of the number of times I've heard them programme it in on the other side of our living room wall.

Notsurehow · 28/09/2011 00:01

11plus and Dexie....you have clearly always been parents,always been completely tolerant of any situation,had the ability to sleep through world war three,been able to hold down any job with little sleep (through no fault of your own and beyond your control) and obviously only every cared about you,never given a thought to those who may be affected by your actions.
Gold star-go to the top of the class!
There has been a lot of cosntructive (albeit sometimes harsh-but life is) advice on this thread.The OP is probably shocked by it but there seem to be 3 clear bits of advice from the majority
1.Apologise (with gift) face to face and explain
2.Get DC to the Dr or medicate appropriately for teething pain
3.Do everything possible to minimise the noise permeating to the neighbour.

'Nuff said....

DENMAN03 · 28/09/2011 00:07

Dexi...Jeez...glad I dont live next to you!

BerylStreep · 28/09/2011 00:14

There are some right charmers on here Hmm

I feel sorry for both the OP & the neighbour (and the baby!).

Lots of sensible suggestions to calm the situation, and to take practical measures to reduce the impact.

Whatmeworry · 28/09/2011 00:21

Dexi, 11plus...welcome to the wonderful world of My Baby Trumps Your Life....

triskaidekaphile · 28/09/2011 00:39

Much sympathy, cheaperthantherapy. I live in a terraced house and read a thread very similar to this one when my daughter was a tiny non-sleeping screamnik. It sent me into huge anxiety every time she awoke as I was convinced the neighbours must hate us, adding to my despair that she would not or could not sleep. Luckily for me (but not for the neighbour concerned) one neighbour was quite deaf and heard nothing but I sent several apologetic notes to the non-deaf ones on the other side and always apologised when I saw them too. They were always very lovely and swore that they couldn't hear her yells, which must have been a lie as I hear them sneezing all the time! Basically babies cry and there is no option for neighbours except to suck it up until it passes. Apologetic communication may make them feel a bit better so is worth a try. Have you considered some sleep training? It proved the answer for us (and the neighbours!). I'd start a regime of judicious calpol administration when pain is a factor and controlled crying asap if I were you!

buttonmoon78 · 28/09/2011 07:24

microserf I think you're taking the entitlement thing wrong. You made every effort to minimise noise (though that clearly wasn't good enough for you neighbour!). Some posting on here have little sympathy for their neighbours and that is where the entitlement thing comes in. Smile

BootyMum · 28/09/2011 09:42

May have already been said [can't be bothered to read all 15 pages]...

But get your DD an amber teething necklace - they are fantastic imo.

My eldest DS used to scream like this when teething [no necklace] so when DS2 started teething I bought one to try and it has been a revelation. Minimal discomfort to baby, no screaming, two teeth through now!

I think your neighbour is unreasonable and very PA.

But agree that you should perhaps go talk to her [politely!] and explain the realities of a teething toddler at the same time assuring her you are doing everything possible to minimise late night screaming.

Otherwise if neighbour still bothered, yes she may just have to move! Au revoir love!

kerrymumbles · 28/09/2011 10:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DandyLioness · 28/09/2011 10:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DooinMeCleanin · 28/09/2011 10:51

Do you blame her Dandy, the way this thread has gone? Jesus! It's not like the poor cow has been having all night parties which have disturbed her neighbour.

Her baby was crying. She was doing her best to try and soothe it and in her tired and stressed fog she did not consider the neighbour. She needs shooting really, t'is only right. Hmm

Babies cry. If you don't want to hear them then move to the arse end of no-where on your own land. When you have neighbours you have to expect noise. It's just the way it is. And the neighbours on meds? Yeah, right! Of course she is. My GP almost laughed me out of his surgery for asking him of there was anything to help me sleep through DH's snoring. He sent me on my way with instructions to buy a bigger house or earplugs. I very much doubt the neighbour's doctor would have medicated her because of a crying baby. The neighbour is being melodramatic and passive aggressive and inconsiderate.

Yes Op should have apologised but that doesn't give the neighbour a free pass to behave however she likes.

Witchofthenorth · 28/09/2011 10:53

Aye like the OP is coming back on here?!? I seriously doubt it!

buttonmoon78 · 28/09/2011 10:56

Unless the constant lack of sleep has driven her to a point where she's beside herself. Your gp sounds particularly unsympathetic though I confess - I'd be looking at treatment for dh before asking for meds myself!

Nobody is saying that the neighbour has a right to behave how she likes. I think the general consensus of rational people says that the neighbour was bu for writing the note but that generally there was an understanding why she had.

DandyLioness · 28/09/2011 11:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SpringHeeledJack · 28/09/2011 11:03

shesaidover24hoursagothatshewasgoingtoapologisetoherneighbour

thensheleftthethread

DooinMeCleanin · 28/09/2011 11:06

I should imagine at 12 weeks PG with a baby/toddler waking her every night for the last however many months (a lot longer than the neighbour has been woken for) Op feels as though her brain is melting and she is not thinking as rationally as she normally would be.

I remember having terrible insomnia in the first stages of both pregnancies. I'd have literally sat and cried all night if I'd had a baby to deal with too. I did sit and cry some nights out of sheer fustration at my inability to sleep despite being knackered.

A bit more sympathy for the Op would not have gone a miss, I feel.

DandyLioness · 28/09/2011 11:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fit2drop · 28/09/2011 11:56

Well judging by some of the responses on here if justice is served the OP has probably been incarcerated for bieng in charge of a crying baby and stealing her neighbours sleep. and the baby has been given an ASBO for the abnormal behaviour of crying whilst fretful with teething problems and overstepping the right to wake up more than...... ????Confused

oh just how many times a night is it acceptable to wake up, just so I know like , would hate my grandbabies to get a fixed penelty notice for overstepping the mark.Hmm

OP hope you are Ok

SpringHeeledJack · 28/09/2011 11:57

it is, Dandy

but just because it's the mn way doesn't mean it's goooood, iykwim

[killjoy emoticon]

SoupDragon · 28/09/2011 12:01

LOL.
The neighbour wrote a note, she didn't fire bomb the house.

GenevieveHawkings · 28/09/2011 12:07

It's bad enough having your sleep disturbed by your OWN bloody kids - let alone other people's!!

I feel sorry for the neighbour.

GenevieveHawkings · 28/09/2011 12:12

I wonder if the people who are being so sympathetic to OP would feel the same if it was a barking dog that she had in there keeping her neighbour awake all night? I doubt it.

It's as normal for dogs to bark as it is for babies to cry isn't it?

DooinMeCleanin · 28/09/2011 12:25

No it's not. Dogs bark if they are bored, stressed or guarding. All of which are problems which can be solved with training and responsible ownership.

Witchofthenorth · 28/09/2011 12:41

Dogs behaviour and babies crying are not comparable IMO. If my dog was barking to the disturbance of my neighbours I would apologise and have done so in the past. I have never and will never apologise for my baby who is crying.