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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be irritated by sil getting pissed while still bf her dd.

164 replies

mrszimmerman · 26/09/2011 11:14

I mean she must have had 3 or 4 units, she was starting to really raise her voice and look lairy.

(btw she's awful when she's had a few)
But she did then give dd a forumla bottle and probably went 8 hours before feeding her. But still. It seems a little incautious to me.
BUT no offence to the bf drinkers, the research is not hugely clear about this is it?

OP posts:
ChunkyPickle · 26/09/2011 12:58

This 'why take the risk' thing annoys me the most I think.....

Show me studies with the safe level of carrots, or potatoes, or fruit-shoots when pregnant/feeding - oh, there aren't any?! Well, best steer clear of them then 'just to be safe', after all, it's not much of a sacrifice to not eat carrots for a couple of years is it.

You can apply that logic to anything, and you'd have nothing left to eat.

If you feed your child orange juice that's been open a couple of days it'll have more alcohol in it than BM after a couple of beers!

TheCountessOlenska · 26/09/2011 13:01

I didn't drink at all when pregnant but as soon as dd was born I went back to my normal drinking habits - ie. a G&T or glass of wine most nights, with the occasional meal out or night in the pub with friends (i.e more like a bottle of wine over an evening Blush). I went with my gut instinct really, which told me that the alcohol doesn't flow directly to the breasts (forming a kind of breast milk kaluha cocktail - yum).

My MIL used to tsk at me but no one else seemed bothered.

OP - she waited eight hours before breastfeeding! Get a grip woman!

planetpotty · 26/09/2011 13:02

YABU I checked with my health visitor before doing what your SIL did and he said it was fine and to go enjoy myself.

If its good enough for a HV then it should be good enough for you.

Please dont ruin a family relationship by being overly judgemental - ok its not what you would do but then are you 100% perfect all the time? Give sil a break - will only end in desaster if she picks up that you are judging her :)

chicletteeth · 26/09/2011 13:03

YABU.
The concentration of alcohol in BM is the same as in blood.
You would have to have drunk enough to have killed you, before your BM became anywhere near a dangerous level for a baby.

If you weighed 70kg and drank 1 whole bottle of wine (750ml)at 13% ABV in 3 hours, your BAC would be 0.127 g alcohol per 100 ml of blood (ergo BM).

If your baby drank 500 ml BM (a large feed), at your peak concentration, they will have ingested 0.6 g of alcohol. A small glass of wine has approximately 12 -14g.

To make the maths easy, if you assume wine has 12 g in a 150 ml glass, rough figures are that under the above circumstances, that your baby would be consuming the same amount of alcohol in 7.5 ml of wine (approximately 1 teaspoon).

This is at peak concentration after drinking a whole bottle of wine.

What on earth do you think 2 glasses will do.

Gripe water used to have more this this!

planetpotty · 26/09/2011 13:03

*disaster!

chicletteeth · 26/09/2011 13:04

The above figures are all approximate, but it just illustrates that two glasses of wine and then a BF, are not going to do any harm

chicletteeth · 26/09/2011 13:07

disclaimer: I am a big red wine fan who breastfed three kids. I am however also a doctor

pictish · 26/09/2011 13:08

Yabu - it's none of your concern!!

Original poster
mrszimmerman · 26/09/2011 13:15

lovely ranting bf drinking thread I love mumsnet!
for the record, of COURSE it isn't any of my business, doh, I'm interested in what the facts are is all.
This is an open forum, I bf two children so I do know a little bit.
The research on alcohol and bf when I last bf was fairly inconclusive.
I was just curious.
I didn't call her a bad mother you ranting hysterics!
I just said it seems incautious to me, no need to call the marines and act like I've attacked you.
We don't all have to agree do we?
And if it's fine to drink while bf than bravo!
Although plenty of women I know drink more while they're pg than the science would support but I won't say anything about that except that I didn't drink when I was pg or smoke.
It didn't seem an impossible sacrifice.

But then I'm lucky enough to be someone who can have a good time without alcohol.
It's mumsnet, the whole point is to be able to say what you think, I don't think she's a bad mum but she's a very dull drunk.

OP posts:
chicletteeth · 26/09/2011 13:18

The discussion was about drinking when BF not when pg. The two things are totally different.
Do you want to talk about drinking whilst pg or whilst bf?

What has smoking when pg got to do with this either?

chicletteeth · 26/09/2011 13:20

You do question her mothering ability of you mention the fact that she is BFing. You are judging her for this.
If you just didn't like her for being a dull drunk, you wouldn't have brought the BFing thing up.
You are upset because nobody agreed with you.
I see no ranting hysterics on here either by the way.

Huffythetantrumslayer · 26/09/2011 13:23

I'm stealing you ranting hysterics for my list of insults. Brilliant!

pictish · 26/09/2011 13:23

I was just curious

No you weren't 'just curious' - that's not true - your thread title says you were irritated by her actions.

So - are you being unreasonable to be irritated by sil getting pissed while still feeding her dd?

Yes, you are being unreasonable....you inappropriate stickybeak.

Fuck all to do with being curious. Don't back pedal.

chicletteeth · 26/09/2011 13:25

inappropriate stickybeak

ha ha

Love it, never heard of it before.

Huffythetantrumslayer · 26/09/2011 13:25

I have nothin to add to the discussion but do think the word incautious isn't quite the right fit for aibu. Hence the 'ranting hysterics' Grin

Bigglewinkle · 26/09/2011 13:25

My NCT tutor told us we could drink upto 5 units AND STILL BF!
Each to their own, I say. Because I'd hate to be in a really judgey society; I'm told that in the US you can't even hold a glass of wine while pregnant without being harangued for harming the baby. I think that's wrong.

rubyrubyruby · 26/09/2011 13:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
mrszimmerman · 26/09/2011 13:29

I am curious! And irritated! I wasn't certain of the science!
Oh the coexistence of different mental states!
This is mumsnet, the whole point is for a bit of healthy banter.
If I can't be irritated with my SIL here than there is no hope for mumsnet.

Why are so protective of the Right To Drink and Be Drunk as if it's some kind of human right? It's really odious for those of us who have to sit and listen to drunk people shouting bollocks at them and generally holding forth.

The bf I'll give you, if it's fine than so be it.

She doesn't drink when she's pg so I'd forgotten what a relief is is when she's sober Grin Some people are not improved by alcohol. I'm allowed to say that, it's mumsnet, we're allowed to have an opinion whether shouters like it or not!

OP posts:
chicletteeth · 26/09/2011 13:33

Some people are terrible when drunk (BF or not). You are certainly right about that

AuntieMonica · 26/09/2011 13:33

perhaps some drinkers have to shout as the person they are talking to are so far up on the moral high horses they can't hear them

wildhairrunning · 26/09/2011 13:33

Goodness me you are getting a lot of insults for having an opinion! Does she do it a lot or was it a one off? She seems to know a lot about it ad she waited 8 hrs to bf again but you are right about the 'impairment' thing. How old is the baby?

MrsMooo · 26/09/2011 13:36

YABVU, both in the first instance and by then by not accepting it when eveyone has said YABU - we don't all have to agree, but this means we're free to disagree with you

what do you really have issue with here?
Her in general, her being a bit lary (in your opinion), drinking at all, or giving her DC a bottle of formula???

Unhoik your judgeypants and chill out a bit - neither you not your child had to drink milk, be it with marginal amounts of alcohol or formula, and no one was at risk, I don't see what the problem is?

No one has been hyterical, they've just said YABU and a bit judgey, if you just wanted everyone to agree with you then really this is the wrong section to post in....

Huffythetantrumslayer · 26/09/2011 13:37

Actually sniggering at I'm allowed to say that it's mumsnet! Tee hee. You're not you know and you'll get a million other people coming along to tel you so. Poor op.

Original poster
mrszimmerman · 26/09/2011 13:45

thanks for the friendly post.
I have a cartload of issues with sil, she is the most horrendously know it all and patronising woman in the world bless her but we get on pretty well for the sake of the family etc. I would never have said anything to her about this, wouldn't dream of it. That's what mumsnet is for imo, a bit of a moan and a chance to learn about something, can't be bad.
She's particularly know it all about all things to do with motherhood so I was surprised to see her drink what seemed like quite a lot to me but apparently it's fine according chiccleteeth than so be it.
the baby's three months.
And you know if I had another baby I would still not drink while bf despite what all the shouters are shouting at me because it is harder to control how much you drink when you're drinking, I find. Because how can you predict when they'll next need a feed? I like bf because of that, you are available anytime.
And also I think having a lot to drink makes me less alert and aware of both my kids.
I don't think it's a moral high ground thing I think that people are hugely tolerant of alcohol and defensive of their relative dependence on it. I'm careful to drink rarely because I think I would be dependent on it in a week if I drank every day. It's like the best anaesthetic in the world isn't it?

But I think it does a lot of damage too and should be held in more awe than we do in our society because we're always defending our 'right to have a good time' But I have a great time without a drink. That is an option, I don't see why we can't ever admit that and why it's never presented as a good thing to show our kids as well?
It's just a discussion point:
Alcohol is too dominant in the culture of the UK: Discuss.
(hides under table again)

OP posts:
TandB · 26/09/2011 13:48

"If I can't be irritated with my SIL here then there is no hope for mumsnet"

I think there probably is!