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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be irritated by sil getting pissed while still bf her dd.

164 replies

mrszimmerman · 26/09/2011 11:14

I mean she must have had 3 or 4 units, she was starting to really raise her voice and look lairy.

(btw she's awful when she's had a few)
But she did then give dd a forumla bottle and probably went 8 hours before feeding her. But still. It seems a little incautious to me.
BUT no offence to the bf drinkers, the research is not hugely clear about this is it?

OP posts:

buttonmoon78 · 26/09/2011 11:31

YABU.

She waited, as per guidelines. Was her child her sole responsibility or was someone else there who was less tipsy?

TBH 3-4 units is a large glass of wine in the pub so I would say if she was 'pissed' on that she must be a bit of a lightweight ie doesn't drink v often - surely a comforting thought? After all, everyone's allowed a treat once in a while?

vigglewiggle · 26/09/2011 11:31

I think you should feel very happy that this is all you have to worry about.

Original poster

mrszimmerman · 26/09/2011 11:32

I didn't know that alcohol was a prerequisite to enjoyment silly me!
I'm amazed how strongly people feel about it actually, but I'm not a big drinker and I find being with pissed people really boring unless I'm pissed which is fairly rare, but I have a great time without booze, I'm lucky that way. I know a lot of people feel it's some kind of necessity and reward for getting through the day.
I think we're too alcohol dependent as a nation so that's my axe.
But this is just my opinion, I don't think I'm right necessarily.
I just said I thought it was incautious and I don't think anyone could strictly argue with that. Just as it's incautious to drive the next morning when you've got pissed the night before, many people have failed a blood test that way.
(runs and hides under the table and get fire retardent protection from inevitable shouting by all the marchers for alcohol rights! )

OP posts:

MmeLindor. · 26/09/2011 11:33

Was there someone sober enough to care for the baby?

I would judge if both parents got rat-arsed and incapable of seeing to their baby, but if she has a couple of glasses of wine, I find it difficult to work up much outrage, tbh.

JIRkids · 26/09/2011 11:33

YABU - she had a couple of glasses of wine and didn't even breastfeed so what is the big deal. It is not like she had a couple of bottles of wine and passed out!
And no one is actually addressing the fact that once you have four units your sense of responsibilty is markedly reduced which is why we don't drive when pissed isn't it? - Surely if you were around then her husband was too so why is it just her responsibility to be the sensible one???

WilsonFrickett · 26/09/2011 11:34

So post saying 'AIBU to find my SIL really boring after a glass of wine', if that's your arguement. BF is irrelevant to the OP, according to your last post.

MainlyMaynie · 26/09/2011 11:36

Have you breastfed? Just interested in the position from which you're judging.

MarginallyNarkyPuffin · 26/09/2011 11:36

It does sound like you have a thing about alcohol when you're reacting so strongly to one large glass of wine. One. Hardly a binge. And when people have pointed out that it would have left her system.

worraliberty · 26/09/2011 11:37

I didn't know that alcohol was a prerequisite to enjoyment silly me!

No-one here has said that and you know it if you've read the thread.

I have to ask, are you the type of person who eats Museli with a Martyr look on your face....a bit like that woman in the advert when her flat mate swaps it for cat litter and she still soldiers on eating it?

LisasCat · 26/09/2011 11:37

YABU. She was very sensible to FF for those 8 hours, which makes me think she's actually a pretty good mum. She balances the ability to have a bit of a social life with the needs of her baby.

There's making sacrifices for your baby and then there's just being a martyr.

pommedechocolat · 26/09/2011 11:37

Being relaxed enough to not judge two glasses of wine is though!

MarginallyNarkyPuffin · 26/09/2011 11:38

3-4 units does not = pissed.

PetiteRaleuse · 26/09/2011 11:38

YABU. It's absolutely none of your business, and if she gave FF after she had been drinking I assume this means she has thought it all through.

rubyrubyruby · 26/09/2011 11:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NinkyNonker · 26/09/2011 11:43

Yabu. On my training the nhs/NCT trained counsellor said that in actual fact the main risk of being drunk in charge of a baby is dropping them. So little gets through to milk she'd need need to have practically lethal levels in her blood before it would be at damaging levels for a baby.

Unpick your judgy pants and get your facts straight.

leftblank · 26/09/2011 11:45

I think you feel a bit high and mighty about the fact you can go out and enjoy yourself without having a drink and came here deliberately to look down your nose further. You may enjoy yourself, others may think you are a po faced bore.

Are you mitmoo2?

Faffalina · 26/09/2011 11:45

Why ask AIBU if the only answer you want is NO, not at all, shock horror at 4 units when BFing...

It's not boring that you don't drink, but it is boring to judge those that do enjoy a few.

SardineQueen · 26/09/2011 11:48

YABU

And this

"I just think it's not great sacrifice to stop while you're bf. "

So you give up while you're pg
You don't drink while you're BF (could be 3 years or more)
Some argue that you shouldn't drink while TTC

Could add up to no booze for 4 years or more. That's more than "not a great sacrifice".

nethunsreject · 26/09/2011 11:49

You can drink a fair bit without affecting the baby.

I am a non-drinker too, and dislike our drinking culture on the whole, but cannot understand your ire in this situation, op.

ShatnersBassoon · 26/09/2011 11:49

Mind your own business. Unless your SIL insists on feeding you her milk, this has absolutely no impact on your life whatsoever.

If you truly believe that everyone else is mistaken and that real harm was going to be done to the baby, you should have had the courage of your convictions and wrestled the booze from your SIL.

NinkyNonker · 26/09/2011 11:50

BTW, am still feeding my 13 mo old and am pregnant, so know all about the alcohol regs.

BlueFergie · 26/09/2011 11:52

So your issue is with alchol in general? So why introduce breastfeeding into the discussion at all?

Your SIL had 4 units of alchol and waited 8 hours to feed. There is no risk associated with this at all, since the alchol would have cleared her system completely by then. I think she was incredibly cautious. Far more than I have been.

You may not regard not drinking while breastfeeding as a massive sacrifice and you are free to do it yourself. But you have absoloutly no right to demand or expect the same from other people.

It is one of my personal bug bears that a woman seems to become public property when she is pregnant and/ or breastfeeding. People seem to think they have rights over her body and choices. That her decisions are not her own any more and are open to public scrutiny and question. Your SIL is not just a baby feeding machine. She is intitled to have glass of wine particularly as she seems to have made more than adequate provision for feeding her child.

MarginallyNarkyPuffin · 26/09/2011 11:52

So,

AIBU to be irritated by sil
No. Everyone gets irritated by family.

getting pissed
3-4 units isn't pissed. It's one large glass of wine.

while still bf her dd
She didn't BF. She gave a bottle and waited more than long enough for the alcohol to have left her system.

It sounds like you have some issues with drinking (and SIL.) You're classing as a risk something that everyone is telling you (and offering links/info to back it up) isn't a risk. She may be annoying and loud but she sounds like a very careful mother.

This is what AIBU is for. You may be slightly singed but you have gotten a balance of opinion .

TheBride · 26/09/2011 11:53

Could add up to no booze for 4 years or more. That's more than "not a great sacrifice".

Yes, and that's per child. Many women go

TTC-pregnant-bf-pregnant-bf

I mean, don't get me wrong, I love a bit of martyrdom but that's just going too far. A mother of a toddler needs her wine.

WhereYouLeftIt · 26/09/2011 11:53

YABU. And you obviously don't like your SIL much. What are you like to her face, if you are like this to her behind her back?

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