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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

about SIL and sharing a bed?

265 replies

bumblybumblebee · 26/09/2011 01:16

I know I know but for Xmas we are all going to my grandparents house, though both dead now we all keep it as a holiday home thing and all use it equally. Their are 4 of us, DCs and our Parents

DP and I are not married and I'm pg with 3rd.
SIL of DBro2 is a very devout evangelical christian (my family are methodists - though we all vary in our devoutness).
I am the only one not married with a partner (both DBros are married and DSis is single)
SIL has said that she is uncomfortable sleeping in the same house as us knowing we are sleeping together and would it be possible for us to sleep in separate rooms? It is for this reason that they will not stay over at ours generally. She is very very uncomfortable about it

It's not her house neither is it mine.

So AIBU to tell her to take a hike and noway are we not sleeping in same bed just because doing so would make her uncomfortable?

OP posts:
WiiUnfit · 26/09/2011 18:35

PLEEEEEEASE claim you & DP haven't slept together & that DC's are a result of multi-immaculate conception. It will make my day, it has been a bad day.

In all seriousness though, YANBU, tell her you're sorry it makes her uncomfortable but you will be staying in the same bed because you are partners & that is what you do.

clam · 26/09/2011 18:40

gooseyloosey: give "the message that sleeping separately would convey to your children - that they were somehow conceived in sin and that the relationship between their parents is wrong in someway."

But that's exactly what the SIL believes.

reelingintheyears · 26/09/2011 19:48

Phrase that comes to mind

Tell your SIL to

Stuff.it.up.her.arse.sideways.

happygilmore · 26/09/2011 19:59

Has your SIL got kids? I can't imagine someone heavily pregnant with their third child at Christmas wants to be up all night shagging, but that's beside the point really.

I'd tell her to fuck off.

jugglingwiththreeshoes · 26/09/2011 20:44

I don't know happygilmore, I felt quite sexy when I was pregnant Blush
Anyone else ?

Wimminsinit · 26/09/2011 20:46

She sounds demented. Tell her that God appeared to you in a dream and told you to tell her to fuck off.

happygilmore · 26/09/2011 20:47

Good for you juggling. I just felt knackered and sick Grin

MrsSchadenfreude · 26/09/2011 20:47

I think you should explain to her that you won't have penetrative sex, in respect of her feelings, but would it be OK if your DP gave you a little lick down there? Grin

jugglingwiththreeshoes · 26/09/2011 20:52

I felt knackered and sick at the beginning too, happygilmore but after 3 months or so it was a breeze ! MrsSchadenfreude You are naughty, but I like you Grin

iFailedTheTuringTest · 26/09/2011 20:57

Wimmin that is the funniest thing I've heard in ages, just spat my beer over my phone!

TandB · 26/09/2011 21:43

Please, please, pleeeease use MrsSchadenfraude's suggestion!

WiiUnfit · 26/09/2011 21:58
Grin
LoveInAColdClimate · 26/09/2011 22:17

Is Pendeen the SIL or something?

OP, I think you should go with Wimmins' suggestion.

leeloo1 · 26/09/2011 23:10

I've only read the 1st page (so far - apologies for poor etiquette for posting before reading to the end) but wanted to say designerbaby you've made me cry. I wish everyone was as tolerant and respectful as your post shows you to be. :)

OP - YANBU and if you sleep in separate rooms then does it not suggest to your DC that you and DP are doing something to be ashamed of? :(

leeloo1 · 26/09/2011 23:37

Ok, have read to the end now (and seemingly killed the thread with my previous post!), and glad I did as Wimmin and Schaden your posts were hilarious! Grin

I was hoping the OP would have returned to give an update by the end, to let me us all know what she and SIL had said, but there's plenty of time before Xmas...

Original poster
bumblybumblebee · 27/09/2011 10:33

Fuck! wasn't expecting this when I read it last night before I phones her.
Thank you to you all, loved the post designerbaby and some of you made my laugh out loud.

As people asked (not that is matters) DP has been around for a lot longer than SIL. DP and me have been together since we were 15 and SIL has been around for about 5 yrs. (I'm the oldest). And no they don't have children.
DBro1, DSis and DParents don't give 2 hoots about me and DP. me, DBro1 and DSis actually all think SIL is crazy.
DBro2 is not as evanglilistic as SIL but is way more religious than the rest of family. He is also not very good at 'standing up for himself' not even when we were kids

Right, phoned her last night and managed to steer conversation to Xmas. SIL asked if we had, had a think about her request. Told her that we had and the answer was no. That we would be sharing a room just have we have for about the last 15 years. She said it made her very uncomfortable. I said I was sorry about that but that is how it was going to be as that is how we live and we not be doing something that makes it seem like we do something wrong.
She was silent for a time and then said that it was wrong and didn't we know that our family (me DP and DCs) were going to hell because of it?
That got me a tad wound up
Told her that I didn't know what Christianity she believed in but in the one that I was bought up in children weren't responsible for the 'sins' of their parents and that I'm positive only God can decide if someone was going to hell, unless she thought she was god on earth? Didn't give her a chance to reply before saying, that if she had a problem with us sharing a bed she was under no obligation to come. Then I hung up.

So not as civilised as it could have been but there we are.
Don't know what will hapen now. But knowing DBro2 he will complain about me and DP to our Dparents and DBro1.
It isn't like SIL and I get on that well anyway (she has a problem with my job as well).

Thanks

OP posts:
kat2504 · 27/09/2011 10:38

OMG going to hell!!?? How rude. Also you are sleeping together every day and therefore you have been going to hell for the last 15 years and a couple more days won't make any difference will it?
She is in a minority of one and will have to get used to the idea that she can not dictate to your family. Seriously, it's one thing expecting people to be considerate but I am still gobsmacked at someone who dictates to their inlaws like that.
I'm sure you tried to be civilised but nobody could fail to get wound up at the going to hell comment and she deserved whatever she got after that.

SharrieTBGinzatome · 27/09/2011 10:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TheVermiciousKnid · 27/09/2011 10:41

How rude! I don't think I would want to spend christmas with her. What an unpleasant, bigoted, judgemental woman.

anonacfr · 27/09/2011 10:42

So she told you you were going to hell?????

Nice to see her true colours coming out. So much for compromise.

You were so restrained. I would have told her that according to her own standards she'd be joining you there as she's so quick to judge others. And then to fuck off.

If Dbro2 complains I suggest you call him and tell him exactly what she told you. Don't let her turn the situation against you- tell him his lovely wife told you that you and your children (!!!) were going to hell. Literally.

IrmaLittleteapot · 27/09/2011 10:42

Shock You were together 10 years before she even came on the scene and she has the nerve to make that request?

Quite frankly she is nuts. Ignore her. She must spend an awful lot of time feeling uncomfortable. I recommend she gets her head out of her backside. Life suddenly becomes a lot more comfortable then Grin

MothInMyKecks · 27/09/2011 10:42

Blimey. She sounds a nightmare. Well done for making the call.
How can 15 years of commitment to one another be overlooked and disregarded? Well done for standing by your ideals.

IrmaLittleteapot · 27/09/2011 10:44

Oh and well done!

gallicgirl · 27/09/2011 10:44

Surprised at how unreasonable SIL is. Is she quite young and therefore still full of bullshit fervour and zeal?

Also intrigued as to why she thinks your job is so objectionable. Wondering if you're a tax collector. Wink

LydiaWickham · 27/09/2011 10:45

oh I'd be so angry! Call DBro2 and tell him his wife has offended you, insulted your relationship and insulted your children. Tell him he should talk to his wife about her rude behaviour before Christmas, as if he can't garentee his wife won't insult his family, he should consider whether it's fair on the rest of you to bring her to the house. Make it his problem. (And get in first telling your other brother and parents what she said and how hurt you are by it, no way should you let this be twisted to make you the bad guy).