about SIL and sharing a bed?

[bumblybumblebee]

I know I know but for Xmas we are all going to my grandparents house, though both dead now we all keep it as a holiday home thing and all use it equally. Their are 4 of us, DCs and our Parents

DP and I are not married and I'm pg with 3rd.
SIL of DBro2 is a very devout evangelical christian (my family are methodists - though we all vary in our devoutness).
I am the only one not married with a partner (both DBros are married and DSis is single)
SIL has said that she is uncomfortable sleeping in the same house as us knowing we are sleeping together and would it be possible for us to sleep in separate rooms? It is for this reason that they will not stay over at ours generally. She is very very uncomfortable about it

It's not her house neither is it mine.

So AIBU to tell her to take a hike and noway are we not sleeping in same bed just because doing so would make her uncomfortable?

Good point Nancy, tell her to stick that in her pipe . . . although she'll probably feel that as she's married into the family in the eyes of God . . .

Isn't it a bit "shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted" even if she were theologically correct?

She should know a little bit about stables at the very least.

its a bit :/

There you are then Pendeen

I rest my case!

I wonder if the OP is a tax collector

If i were you OP i would say to her 'look your brother and i have made three babies ,we did this by being in the same room , not necessarily the bedroom,so if you hear any strange noises in the night ,probably best if you dont come downstairs to investigate '

Oh and then make sure you are up before her a couple of mornings ,leave a pair of pants (clean) hanging off a light fitting and chuck the cushions around a bit !!!

Frumpet- I think the OP only has 2 soon to be 3 children and they are with her partner. SIL is married to OPs brother

it hink...

YANBU OP it's not her house and none of her business!!!

The SIL wants to alter arrangements to suit her own strong beliefs... that's fine, she can make alternative arrangements for her stay.

Its completely unreasonable to expect the world to bend to you, when you can much more easily step to the side and book into the nearest hotel.

nokissymum

" pendeen you sound as arrogant as the OP's sil "

For daring to suggest that the OP should disregard some rather silly suggestions on here and instead consider all the implications before telling SiL to "take a hike"?

You have a curious idea of what constitues arrogance.

pendeen what i'm curious to know is what "implications" .......? That sil might actually go take a hike ?

Frumpet Now that would be a fun boxing day morning.

makeitupasIgo I agree they are living as man and wife and are in a committed realtionship with 2 dc's, almost 3. she could be religious but not in an organise way so doesn't feel the need to have a big church wedding. She has declared her love enough with the almost 3 dc's.
Maybe the SIL resents the happy committed couple didn't spend thousands on a big church wedding but still get to have sex.
Pandeen I am only suggesting here as I know nothing of the sil's true religious beliefs

I dont understand why the OP should be under obligation of any sort to discuss this with her SiL. It is absolutely none of her SiL's business, it really isnt. The SiL was rude to even ask.

The OP is not breaking any laws or rules of society. SiL could ask the OP to not smoke pot under the shared roof. The SiL could ask the OP not to smoke in any shared rooms. What the SiL cannot/must not do is ask the OP to sleep other than with her partner just so that the SiL's sensibilities are not offended by even the possibility of sex outside of marriage.

It is an impertinence even to mention it.

YANBU. Her beliefs are her own and she is not entitled to request that anyone else comply with them.

If it is raised, I would say politely that you would not be comfortable with the message that sleeping separately would convey to your children - that they were somehow conceived in sin and that the relationship between their parents is wrong in someway.

If you put it like this, I cannot see that your parents could possibly ask you to agree even for the sake of family harmony as the greater harm would be done to you and yours.

nokissymum

Yes that would certainly be one of the implications.

Pendeen and seeing as she has brought it upon herself through false self righteousness, ignorance and failing to seek guidance prayerfully, what would be the problem with that ?

Pendeen. You're verging on the ridiculous now - admit it, you ARE the SIL, aren't you? (Thank Christ there aren't two of you...)

Floggingmolly

Not at all and no of course I am not the SiL.

If you wish to abandon reasoned debate then so be it.

Shoutyhamster - I assume you meant to type 'get thee behind me SANTA' given the context!

I don't think OP needs to discuss this AT ALL. If SIL can't respect that,3 children later, the OP and her other half are committed to one another, then she's being a short-sighted bigot.

Maybe if she showed a little more grace and a little less judgement then her faith might be seen as the positive thing that I believe it to be.

Can't remember who said this, but I wholeheartedly agree.

OP, your life isn't up for discussion. If anything, I'd just say what was stated that the beginning of the thread ("I'm sorry you're uncomfortable with this".) and leave it at that.

Too right. Why should she have other people interfering with her sexual life? I presume her family have been quite happy with the bed sharing situation up to now and the SIL has just come along and expected to dictate to her in laws. It is a phenomenal cheek.

kungfupannda

SIL: bumbly you and your DP sleeping in the same bed, whilst not married, makes me uncomfortable. At christmas can you please sleep in separate beds?

bumbly: No.

Simples