about SIL and sharing a bed?

[bumblybumblebee]

I know I know but for Xmas we are all going to my grandparents house, though both dead now we all keep it as a holiday home thing and all use it equally. Their are 4 of us, DCs and our Parents

DP and I are not married and I'm pg with 3rd.
SIL of DBro2 is a very devout evangelical christian (my family are methodists - though we all vary in our devoutness).
I am the only one not married with a partner (both DBros are married and DSis is single)
SIL has said that she is uncomfortable sleeping in the same house as us knowing we are sleeping together and would it be possible for us to sleep in separate rooms? It is for this reason that they will not stay over at ours generally. She is very very uncomfortable about it

It's not her house neither is it mine.

So AIBU to tell her to take a hike and noway are we not sleeping in same bed just because doing so would make her uncomfortable?

Have you told her Bumbly?

SharrieTBGinzatome

I cannot see that my comment implied any such thing but as you and shouthyhamster have reached the same conclusion, I offer an apology.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows

Exactly.

Some mature and sensitive discussion between OP and her SiL is all that is called for. Which is what I suggested in the first place.

I think you should get yourself a scarlet "A" for your top and appear in that on Christmas day.
How is she going to check up that none of the other guests are committing any kind of invisible "sins" while she is under the same roof?

I thought my Christmas was going to be fraught, you have every sympathy!

Pendeen, you really have an axe to grind here, don't you? Great to be able to put yourself in another person's shoes, but you seem only to see the scenario from the SIL's pov. Ar you perhaps in a similar situation?

Pendeen - as Sharrie said.

'It seems to me a few of the contributors have rather fragile views of their own personal circumstances by implying that they would be "insulted".'

• the only possible meaning of this that I can decipher is that you think the reason people on this thread are expressing outrage is that it has 'touched a nerve' - i.e. they have the same (unmarried) arrangement as the OP and are sensitive about it.

Seeing as it seems plain common sense to be insulted if someone is rude to you, disrespectful of your family set-up, and implies that you're not as good or as worthy as they, I can't think of what else your comment could mean.

Apology accepted - but I'd be interested to know what that sentence was supposed to have meant, then.

She should paint a great big A on her head she is a hoor of Babylon and will be consumed in the flickering flames and all her children will be devil's droplets and the SIL will have pearly white robes and sit at the right hand of the throne and say I told you so.

ButtonMoon - no, I am genuinely asking - but giving you an idea of what I don't understand. I am asking, not coming to conclusions.

Contact with my extended family gives DS lots of exposure to all sorts of behaviour which I find immoral, questionable, illogical and occasionally despicable. But I think he knows what my values are and has the cinfidence to come to his own conclusions. So again, I don't demand that all our guests live to standards or codes which comply with the way I bring up DS.

Truly - sending guests to a hotel because they don't have the same moral ideals sounds inhospitable to me. I wouldn't ask my ILs / extended family to stay in a hotel, even though thier values are often opposed to mine.

If they made racist comments about other members fo my family, say, I would send them to a hotel - but that would be a direct offence.

Floggingmolly

Your two questions and your assumption answered.

No. Advocating a calm and reasoned discussion between OP and SiL isn't an unreasonable suggestion or evidence of any axe-grinding.

Empathy Thank you for your compliment but there is no suggeston of a one-sided response. Giving some thought to the wider implications would seem to me to be a better response than the OP's suggestion of telling SiL to "take a hike"

No Why would you suppose that?

Pendeen I wasn't agreeing with you.

This seems a bizarre request from your SIL. How did she ask you? Was it face to face?
fwiw, i could be described as a devout evangelical christian and believe that sex should only happen inside marriage but I don't expect people who aren't christians to share that belief!!!
It's especially bizarre given that you have children together so she can hardly be in denial that you have sex.
Maybe you could ask her how it affects her to be in close proximity to two 'sinners'? And point out that Jesus hung out with tax collectors and prostitutes - he wasn't squeamish about his company. (Btw am NOT comparing you to a prostitute!)

I always understood that in the marriage service what actually happens is that the man and the woman themselves commit to being married - they marry each other, they are not married by anyone else. And so in the olden days, it was perfectly legitimate not to have a formal marriage service as for many people that wasnt feasible (no money, no nearby church) and it was perfectly acceptable for people to be seen as married if they chose to behave in such a way.

To all intents and purposes - 3 DCs - you and your DP are completely married in the eyes of God - and do not require a legal or religious service to make that be so.

Ask her WWJD? He was the most forgiving and loving of people - he would have slept in the same house without a qualm.

All the rest is noise.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows

I was agreeing with you

that made me laugh marzipan

in a good way whosegotmyeyebrows?

marzipan This - And point out that Jesus hung out with tax collectors and prostitutes - he wasn't squeamish about his company. (Btw am NOT comparing you to a prostitute!)

And yes in a good way. If that was me I would have forgotten to put the bit in brackets and then someone would go nuts at me for calling them a prostitute It was close but you made it!

Hah marzipan and also Sharrie - this thread is getting really funny.

You were RIGHT Sharrie in fact, in the pure, un-beam-filled eyes of the SIL it IS adultery - PROSTITUTION against the will of the Lord! Be assured that she will feel the beardy wrath of the Charlton Heston of the clouds.

Does no-one feel for the SIL - girding her loins as she is asked to test her faith this Christmas by breaking bread with the UNWORTHY. Her dreams are already feverish nightmares, filled with images of the OP writhing wantonly amongst the tinsel, dripping with sherry and with only a crude paper hat to cover her modesty. Get thee behind me, Satan!

OP is going to get a shock when she logs in after work

ShoutyHamster

The apology was actually to Sherie.

I don't feel the need to apologise to someone who a contributor who writes:

" You sound as bigoted and disrespectful to others as OP's SIL "?.

I was wondering though, if you were to get married in a registry office would she still expect you to sleep in seperate rooms seeing as you wouldn't be married in the eyes of God?

Also what if you slept in the same room but promised not to have sex

YANBU- it is more your house than hers anyway, as it was your GPs and she married in.