about SIL and sharing a bed?

[bumblybumblebee]

I know I know but for Xmas we are all going to my grandparents house, though both dead now we all keep it as a holiday home thing and all use it equally. Their are 4 of us, DCs and our Parents

DP and I are not married and I'm pg with 3rd.
SIL of DBro2 is a very devout evangelical christian (my family are methodists - though we all vary in our devoutness).
I am the only one not married with a partner (both DBros are married and DSis is single)
SIL has said that she is uncomfortable sleeping in the same house as us knowing we are sleeping together and would it be possible for us to sleep in separate rooms? It is for this reason that they will not stay over at ours generally. She is very very uncomfortable about it

It's not her house neither is it mine.

So AIBU to tell her to take a hike and noway are we not sleeping in same bed just because doing so would make her uncomfortable?

pendeen yes she is clearly deeply uncomfortable about the situation. And has now made the OP feel similarly uncomfortable by implying she is living immorally.

If she has a problem with how her husband's family live their lives, then she should absent herself from the situation by staying elsewhere. She cannot expect to impose her own beliefs on others.

Mmm.

If she insists that Christmas is a Christian festival, you'd be well within your rights to tell her you celebrate Yule and it's all about the sex for you and your DH.

I accept many elements of Christmas are inescapably Christian, but not sharing a house on a public holiday!

Maybe when OP and DP are together they do go at it like rutting buffalo and that makes SiL's husband get frisky too :)

YANBU! She has no right to impose her views on you and try to change the way you live your life! I would tell her you're sorry if the way you live makes her uncomfortable, but you are a family and will not separate for the night just to make her happy - because doing that will make you equally unhappy! What she then choses to do is up to her.

The OP's SIL is asking her to change her behaviour due to her (SIL's) beliefs. I'm afraid the world this country doesnt work like that, you don't get to tell everyone else how to behave based on what you beleive.

If the house if jointly owned and its a house rule that unmarried couples cannot sleep together in the hosue then fair enough - the majority view will hold and OP will either have to sleep separately or stay somewhere else.

Also OK for her SIL to ask (nothing ventured, nothing gained).

And the fact that Christmas is a christian festival in additional to a pagan and secular one is besides the point - it is widely acknowledged to be a secular festival these days and if we're going by the first dibs appraoch would be pagan. Pretty sure pagans don;t have a problem with sex before marriage.

Probably they will not be having sex anyways. Christmas is quite tiring and after stuffing yourself silly, and having been up early with overexcited small children, Christmas night is probably not all about the shagging.

tell your SIL you will gladly give up sharing a bed with your DP while on holiday aslong as she accepts this means you will be shagging on the couch/the table/in the shower/garden etc instead.

Also it's one thing foisting your beliefs on your own family but I wouldn't go round the in-laws and start criticising what they have been doing before I was even a part of their family.

"How difficult is it for you to spend one night in a separate bed?"

Pendeen, do you make a habit of thinking that it is acceptable for grown men and women to be told with whom and where they may sleep or is this a one-off especially created for this OP?

Pendeen - while I would not ever support rudeness or a response likely to cause further schism in the family, it really is not reasonable for SIL to have made this request.

That the OP and her DP always sleep together , have done for years, is not in doubt - they do it no matter how great a distance they are from the SIL. What proximity does SIL consider suitable for grown adults behaving in a way that she disapproves of to be safe, and keeping her morally 'pure' I wonder? The SIL is indulging her own vanity and parading her sensibilities in a very unbecoming way. She isn't being asked to approve, she isn't being asked to join in. It's just a house. her relatives would be sleeping together if in the next door house, would that suit her sensibilities? How hypocritical - it would still be occurring?

YANBU, as it's not the SILs house it's really none of her business and not for her to say who should sleep where. You're not doing anything wrong or abnormal in sharing a bed with your partner and father of your children.

I don't understand how she thinks separate beds for a couple of days makes a difference..? I mean, I presume you live together anyway. Bizarre.

I'm afraid the world this country doesnt work like that, you don't get to tell everyone else how to behave based on what you beleive

Except on MN of course :o

I don't agree with sex before marriage, and although I know some posters wouldn't agree, in my house, my rules are absolute. If that's a problem, there's a hotel a 5 min walk away.

However, if I was in SiL's shoes, I wouldn't ask. It is not her house. I'm sure you were aware before this that it made her uncomfortable as you've been sleeping in seperate beds in their house. So either she is uncomfortable or you are. In the circs, I think she doesn't really have the right to ask this of you.

YANBU.

As an aside, responding to an earlier post - Christian behaviour isn't about making people feel comfortable.

OP, your SIL should be nominated for the MN Most Unreasonable SIL of the Year 2011.

(mine sends me clothes in the post with a bill. i dont ask her, she just does it to help me, as she thinks i need help choosing the right clothes for me...... but you win .)

ignore her. she is too mad to converse with. is probably looking for an argument

pendeen you sound as arrogant as the OP's sil, i am also an evangelical Christian, and my faith and my lifestyle are woven together as much as i can, but.... The bible says "if any man lacks wisdom ask God that upbraideth not",
"and with all your getting, get understanding" the two go hand in hand.

if at all Op's sil is unconfortable about sleeping under the same roof then she should use wisdom because it is indeed a "delicate" matter. It is she who needs to find alternative accomodation for herself! The fact that she is foolish as well as arrogant enough to interogate OP as to her sleeping arrangements in her grandmother'as house shows she is lacking in both qualities, even a non christian can see the folly in her approach.

She is not endearing anyone to her faith, but alienating people, she reminds me of some of the nasty overly pious christians ive met many a time, i wonder how she relates to her neices or nephews, since they are born out of wedlock!

If i were her i would Spend more time telling Op what a wonderful family she has got and how i cant wait for them to formalise it as ive already got my bridesmaid dress ready!

If i were the OP i'd have said to sil as she will be a "guest" in my grandmothers house, i would expect her to act accordingly.

"pride comes before a fall"

The point, which so many are avoiding or mising is that this is a family event in a jointly owned house and it's not just the OP's reactions that are important here.

She needs to ignore some of the provocative (and to be honest quite nasty) suggestions made on here and indeed also disregard any question of her being insulted.

It seems to me a few of the contributors have rather fragile views of their own personal circumstances by implying that they would be "insulted".

I simply said that the OP should carefully consider her reaction.

Unlike some on here.

And .... Valhalla

No. I don't.

at your SiL tilly!

It is an impertinence of the highest order for the SiL to interfere in the OP's relationship with her partner in any way. It is quite simply none of her business what sleeping arrangements the OP makes so long as they arent going to physically affect the SiL.

Would it be acceptable if the OP was co-sleeping and the SiL had some moral objection to that? No, of course not!

Would it be acceptable if the OP was in a same sex relationship to which the SiL had some moral objection? No, of course not!

As the house is shared then whatever each couple does in their own room is their own business.

I have been with DP for 25 years and we have three delightful DC who are now grown up...I would be pissed off if his sisters/anyone suggested i sleep in a bed with them/away from my DP because of their religious beliefs.

DP and i chose not to get married as we are both atheists.

I don't insist they live their lives according to my beliefs and they shouldn't be rude enough to ask you to accommodate theirs to this extent.

I would be polite about it and say NO.

In your own home you can impose whatever rules you like.
When you are invited as a guest into another house, you do not have the right to dictate what other people do or don't do.
Some of the comments made are clearly only joking. I'm sure the OP is far to dignified to suggest to her SIL that she will be shagging on the sofa instead. But she should certainly stand her ground.

Pendeen, making compromises for the sake of family harmony is all well and good, but there are reasonable limits. Religious beliefs are PERSONAL and shouldn't be imposed on other people. How would you want the OP to react if SIL said, "Sorry, I'm Muslim and so I would like you to wear a headcovering every time there are men around and I'm in the same house with you please?"

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha