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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think taking your child out of school for a week before doing 11 plus to study is a bit wrong?

86 replies

11plus · 25/09/2011 23:46

and excessive?! My daughters friend is being taken out the week before so she can revise all day? wtf?! I mean, it is really important to us because our schools are crappy so grammar school is the preferred option, but, it feels a bit wrong, and I dont know why but I feel kind of cross about it, its not cheating, but it feels like it is, and why should she need to/ surely if she has to study excessively she is going to struggle when she gets in the school...that said, i dont think she would because i think she will pass it anyway and it is surely just putting too much pressure on the girl. All my friends seem to have gone mad, theyre not allowing their children out to play or have friends round, its crazy!

OP posts:

worraliberty · 25/09/2011 23:49

It's up to them though, they know their kids best.

As long as you're happy with your own decisions for your own child, that's all that matters.

Original poster

11plus · 25/09/2011 23:50

not to mention, she will miss a week of school?!

OP posts:

worraliberty · 25/09/2011 23:52

Yeah but again that's not going to affect your child is it?

The parents obviously feel a week of revision is what their child needs.

squeakytoy · 25/09/2011 23:56

Maybe the class she is in can be disruptive, so she would rather her child be able to concentrate rather than be distracted.

Education is more important now than it ever was in the current job market.

Original poster

11plus · 25/09/2011 23:56

Im not worried about it affecting my child. It just riles me a little, the whole grammar school admittance feels so unfair as the children are not all on a level pegging, but then I know it would be hard to make it this way.

OP posts:

Original poster

11plus · 25/09/2011 23:58

it just seems a bit over the top to me, so much pressure on these poor kids.

OP posts:

worraliberty · 25/09/2011 23:58

If they all get a shot at the 11+ then they're pretty much on a level pegging really.

LineRunner · 26/09/2011 00:00

What LA? They do things awfully early down your way.

Original poster

11plus · 26/09/2011 00:01

not really, not when some have been tutored for years, and allowed time off school to study.

OP posts:

Original poster

11plus · 26/09/2011 00:01

test is in 2 weeks linerunner

OP posts:

worraliberty · 26/09/2011 00:03

But that's the same for any exam.

Some people put more time in than others. It pays off for some and for some it doesn't.

I really don't see why you are even bothered about it, unless you'd really like to keep your child off too for some reason but can't?

Original poster

11plus · 26/09/2011 00:10

its not about putting more time in, being tutored costs money, that is a money issue, however, i am not worried about my daughter, but even if i did want to take mine out for a week i really dont think i could, the person hasnt been granted study leave, they will be pulling a sickie, and i dont really think thats right. Like i think i said, i dont know why it bothers me, but it does, sometimes i come on aibu to try and figure out why i am bothered...being told i dont see why youre bothered is a little like a put down and i cant help my feelings, i am being honest about them....i am interested to see if anyone else thinks its excessive though, i mean it is, surely...forget about the fact that im bothered about it...no seeing friends for months and a week off school? mean to the kid i think.

OP posts:

LineRunner · 26/09/2011 00:11

Well I would name and shame the LA. Either the schools are condoning unauthorised absences or they aren't.

I get your point, if that point is that that parents prepared to flout the law actually get an advantage for their children and that the LA turns a blind eye.

Original poster

11plus · 26/09/2011 00:13

school wont know about it yet, as i said the parent is going to pretend the child is sick.

OP posts:

youngermother1 · 26/09/2011 00:25

LA has no authority except to confirm the child is being educated, which can be done at home. It seems that a week concentrated revision for the 11+ is better for the child's future than a normal week at school, so should be encouraged.
After my DS passed the 11+, took him out of the school for the summer , much better than wasted time at school

troisgarcons · 26/09/2011 07:05

Thats late! Our11+ were last week. results on 13 Oct.

Whatmeworry · 26/09/2011 07:40

If it gets a grammar school place vs not getting one why not, the child won't miss much in one week at school

wantadvice · 26/09/2011 07:53

I've let ds stay at home to study just before big exams. He gets far more done than being at school. Makes perfect sense.

wantadvice · 26/09/2011 07:53

Should also add his school has several issues with teachers at teh moment and he has lots of supply so he's not missing revision classes etc.

snailoon · 26/09/2011 07:54

Unfortunately, schools force parents to lie because they wouldn't give permission for absence otherwise. It would be better if primary schools would be more flexible and let this girl go for half days.
I don't think a week of cramming is a good way to prepare for the 11+; it would be much better to practice a few times a week over a much longer period.

slavetofilofax · 26/09/2011 07:55

I agree it's wrong, and I don't think that cramming for a week before the test is the best way to pass anyway. But that's a descision for the parents to make.

I think it sends the wrong message because it puts too much pressure on the child. There is absolutely no chance of her being ok about it if she doesn't pass, and it will give her the opinion that she is somehow better than people going to the comp if she does get into the grammar.

I disagree that she will be on a level pegging with everyone else just because she has a chance to take the 11+. Children never take the 11+ on a level playing field because some can pay for tutors, some can't. Some have better tutors than others. Some are expected to continue with their current schoolwork, and some are allowed to give up on that to concentrate only on the test, as in this case.

I also don't think it's particularly late. 11+ round here happens in November.

Merle · 26/09/2011 07:57

Surely it's no different than an adult working FT, taking time off work to do extra revision for an important exam?

complexnumber · 26/09/2011 08:00

It could actually take the pressure off her, not put it on. I remember the girls at school whipping themselves up into a frenzy before exams and if she's the kind of girl that need to be calm to do her best then it could be good to be out of a feverish atmosphere for a week.

Pigglesworth · 26/09/2011 08:05

It would be unworkable if every child did it, and if the mother was honest about why she was doing it, it wouldn't be allowed by the school. Therefore I agree with you and believe it may be unfair to the other children, and it is excessive. However I'm not sure it would give the child an unfair advantage necessarily - it may even have the opposite effect, causing the child to feel burnt out on the day or causing her to miss out on important information presented at school. Often parents do things believing it is in the best interests of their children (e.g., limiting their play time by organising their child's spare time into numerous structured activities), when in fact their actions may be damaging to the child.

Yellowstone · 26/09/2011 08:10

It's completely absurd to take a child out of school even for a day before the 11+ unless that child is ill. Unbelievably precious and just wrong.

It's got nothing to do with what the child will miss at school, it's got to do with the fact that the parents are hyping up the exam and creating unnecessary pressure.

My kids (they're eating breakfast before heading off to their grammar) burst out laughing when I asked what they thought.

It's a seriously bad idea apart from which there's no 'revision' whatever to do.

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