To wonder why anyone with school-aged children would want to be a SAHM?

[Badtasteflump]

And what they do all day?

I have my flame-proof hard-hat ready

In the spirit of the general shit-stirring on here today I though I would ask this - as I do really wonder. Fair enough when you have pre-school aged children, I can understand wanting to be a SAHM. But once your children are at school full-time, what is there to do all day?

I work PT (school hours, basically). I manage (jointly with DH) to get all the housework, cooking, diy, etc) done in the evenings & weekends, no problem. If I were at home all day I really think I would go a bit mad - either that or I fear I would gradually become relegated to the role of house-slave, doing all the housework and childcare myself because I wouldn't have the excuse of a 'proper' job. . .

Lots of reasons.
Have not been able to find a job which fits in with dh's long hours. Cost of childcare overall would mean little economic point working if worked during the day..
Have been looking after elderly parent.
If I had a part time job I would probably have to work weekends. This would be impossible due to other weekend commitments.
My life, my business.
Noone is subsidising this lifestyle except dh and he is happy so see no problem with it

As with other SAHM on here I too have a cleaner. Today I want for a nice long walk, had a bath, made a lasagne, read a book for a bit, did a spot of light admin & had a little lurk on MN.

No drudgery here, anyway it's only 5 1/2 hours a day, could do with longer really.

I appreciate your concern at our plight OP, but somehow, we manage.

I like being a SAHM because (a) my DD is only at school for 24 hours a week (eight sessions of three hours) so I get to see a lot of her (b) my DSSs drop by a lot during the week when they have free periods at school so I get to see a lot of them (c) my DP doesn't work far away so we get to see each other for lunch sometimes (like today - both of us went to get DD from school) (d) I have time to have three different very PT jobs on the go, which I slot in here and there (e) I get to dress up and have lunch with my girlfriends in lovely restaurants from time to time (f) I am generally around and aware of what is going on in the lives of my family and friends and like helping people out in the community.

I am also shattered on Friday night from walking 10+ km per day, doing all the shopping, cooking, errand running and chores that being a mother entails and there isn't even space for doing everything I want to do let alone more.

Badtasteflump Thu 22-Sep-11 14:01:06
most seem to be un-paid slaves to the rest of their families (in their own words).

They're doing it all wrong then. They're either martyring themselves or exaggerating so their friends who work don't think of them as lazy bastards and sneer at their situation.

Got it in one kessaya

Not that you sound bitter and twisted

Pag how could you forget to shag the gardener?

Ooh but I do keep up Ooops!

I spend all weekend watching it, back to back, with my DC, keeping them quiet with fruit shoots and pom bears

I do all the normal household tasks (some better than others )

I study. lots. various things, at various times, for interest.
I go ice skating
I bake (and enjoy doing this enormously - I did it before being a sahm too)
I garden and grow all our own veg

tbh, who has time for work? (disclaimer, I fully realise that many people have to work, and that I am very lucky to not have to.)

as my mother used to say: only boring people get bored

seriously - there is a whole world out there, and I get to have the time to explore the bits of it I want to, within the constraints of school hours, of course. what's not to like?

I don't need a career to feel fulfilled - there is lots I can learn/do without being tied to an office/work hours/career ladder

I've been out of work for 2 years having worked full full full full time, out of house at lest 12 hours a day for 5 days a week for the previous 13 of my oldest ds's life.
VERY luckily I have a wonderful DH who was a sahd and he loved it despite occasional snubs from coffee morning mums who thought he might die if he heard the words tampon or period ( their loss).
The time when I'm not looking for a job now I spend till 8am getting the boys off to station and may walk with them. Doing the housewife stuff, had to let cleaner go, and actually DH and I do a better job. And proper cleaning is jolly good exercise.
Baking, gardening, running. Having coffee/tea with PT working or sah parent, am governor of the boys school so help out with that, at one stage it was taking 2 days a week. Yes, we could desperately use the money (we got used to my relatively large salary) but no one can ever take the time we've had over the last 2 years away from me and my boys now. I'd rather be off work now than when I'm 65, and let's face it most of us are going to have to work till we're 70
Then at 3.30 boys are home, conversation, breaking up fights, overseeing and helping with homework, cooking dinner etc building up the memory bank so my boys have some good times to reminisce about their Mum to their children. ( Like I have).

Yes I can understand why parents sah

It is very hard to get a school hours job. It is nice to be around for: school holidays, inset days, when the kids are sick. They are only out of the house for 6 hours. My kids are very high maintenance out of school.
I used to be a SAHM with a cleaner, and still didn't have much time.

I spend my days filing my nails. They're damn good nails.

Actually - it's an interesting question, and one that's perfectly reasonable to ask. I never expected to end up in this position - worked FT with my oldest 2, then PT with DC3, then threw in the towel with DC4. I was going to have a couple of years off - see DC4 through babyhood, settle DC3 into school, see older DCs through GCSEs etc. And I'm still here, and DC4 is 9.

I've done bits and bobs - was a PT childminder for 2 years, still do some book-keeping (probably a day a week), and do a lot of voluntary work - am a Chair of Govs. I help in school twice a week, and in exam season I'm an invigator. I never feel bored. The house is a tip. It probably helps that I've never really had a vocational career and am not an ambitious person.

I know Jilly
You know how it is - you write your to do list but there is always one bloody thing

I forgot to mention doing lunch and the spot of shopping .

Ds1 at school, ds2 a toddler, so not completely in the camp the OP describes but, as well as the housework and other boring stuff...

• writing a book
• growing our veg (allotment + landshare + back garden)
• toddler groups + volunteering
• looking after working friends' children when there are childcare problems (which I'm happy to do, not put upon at all)
• preserving veg gluts/jams, etc.
• shopping around so that everything is cheaper so that we can afford for me to be a SAHM
• MNetting

I'm a bit that people think that unless they work they'll be bored. I also get cross when people think that a SAHM has to do just that, stay at home all day. Maybe that's what the OP means - 'what do you do at home all day?' The answer would be 'very little - I'm rarely there' .

Sounds like you need a proper job Pag.

You're going mad!

i have this dilemma coming up... my youngest starts school next year i've been a SAHM for 7 yrs already.

I have been thinking about going back to work again but it would have to be on my terms, school hours and term time only and that is so unlikely so i am expecting to continue to be a SAHM.

I already do PTA and one voluntary thing, and there's another i'd like to get involved with and have some selfish hours for me. We can afford for me to stay at home, so why not. It means that i'll never miss out on anything they do at school, they can do whichever clubs they want to, have friends over whenever as i'm there.

why would you want to work and miss out on your children/husband if you don't have to?

Childcare can be a nightmare - after school nanny is wildly expensive and hard to find one, after school club not always available/suitable, and there are those days when your kid is ill/inset day or school closed for snow/swine flu etc. Childminders can be brilliant, but they don't always want after school care - it's not much of an earner and quite a faff for them if they don't pick up other kids from that school already.

Then after you've constructed a patchwork of care for your kid after school there are those days when you get a note telling you that "pick up is at 2pm tomorrow because of Year 5's drama production and please note that after school clubs will not be available". Then there's parent's evening which actually takes place in the afternoon, not the evening, and those times when you need to talk to your DC's teacher about some little issue - for which you need to be available to grab the teacher at 3.30pm - there's no point asking them to stick around until you get back from work and why should they?

Then there's homework - my DS would be too tired to do his reading at 7pm, he wouldn't get chance at an after school club, and a nanny is super-expensive.

You have to have either a gem of a boss, be your own boss, or earn enough to smooth out the bumps if you want to work. I worked full time while DS was tiny but it's actually harder to work now he's at school - nurseries are set up for working parents, schools aren't. I've been doing bits of freelance at home and writing during the day. I'm planning to return to full time work soon as I miss it but lord knows how I'll manage the logistics of it.

Because I want to.
Because I have plenty of money so can afford to.
Because I prefer to spend my days with friends of my choosing rather than colleagues I might loathe.
Because I have interests and hobbies that I love and can indulge in.
Because my children love it.
Because my husband loves it.
Because my parents love it.
Because I enjoy my voluntary and community work.
Because I can think of nothing worse than being on someone else's time.

Green eyed monster. There are so many things I'd do.

Only boring people get bored.

The longer I spend on MN reading threads like this, the more relieved I am I don't have to go to work and have them as my colleagues

See I look at pag jilly and bonsoir and I know they're perfectly content.

But it does make me wonder why I didn't feel like that. Why wasn't I content?

I think I must have somehting missing inside me ...the off switch has been removed.

I would LOVE to be a SAHM....i work full time and have 3 kids...when the eldest(now 12) was younger I didnt mind working so much, but feel I miss out on so much of their little lives now....I get them and the end of the day when they are tired/hungry etc.....not a great time to try and fit in the homework/reading etc
I would be content to do housework, finish all those to do's,go to the gym,etc but mostly be around for the kids after school....

What about SAHMs with university-aged children?

• Disclaimer - the last comment was aimed at the OP, not anyone else, just to be clear. Oh and anyone else would , " Just go maaaaaddd " SAH.

Pah - my gardener's about 65 with a big red nose. Life is so unfair.

wordfactory - but I am full on, that's the point. This is the role that fires me up to get things done. I like being my own boss and deciding what to do and when. Don't think there aren't projects in my life - I would die without them

Wordfactory we're just all different.

Which is why so many of us get so pissed off being asked what we fucking do all day by people who clearly have the imagination of a gnat.