To wonder why anyone with school-aged children would want to be a SAHM?

[Badtasteflump]

And what they do all day?

I have my flame-proof hard-hat ready

In the spirit of the general shit-stirring on here today I though I would ask this - as I do really wonder. Fair enough when you have pre-school aged children, I can understand wanting to be a SAHM. But once your children are at school full-time, what is there to do all day?

I work PT (school hours, basically). I manage (jointly with DH) to get all the housework, cooking, diy, etc) done in the evenings & weekends, no problem. If I were at home all day I really think I would go a bit mad - either that or I fear I would gradually become relegated to the role of house-slave, doing all the housework and childcare myself because I wouldn't have the excuse of a 'proper' job. . .

I'm bloody jealous. Sounds brilliant .

Three, that makes me a bit sad. And I agree. I would also be less stressed if I didn't work (I think!) so my children would get home from school and my time would be theirs, rather than me coming in frazzled and screeching like a fishwife.

Well, it is Thursday afternoon and so far this week alongside being a SAHM I have spent 18 hours volunteering at various places (much of which volunteering uses my degree). I have been for coffee twice, shopped for new tights and a handbag, and tried to progress our house purchase. My DH has been abroad so I have also done all afternoon and evening drop-offs and pick-ups. I have been swimming three times and looked after a working mum's child once. I have done several loads of laundry, and cooked several meals from scratch. I have de-cluttered our books and games and dropped surplus off to Oxfam and church. That enough for you?

I was walking back from the school this morning behind two mums who were obviously SAHMs. One was moaning that she's got 'another day of cleaning the house' and the other was agreeing with her.

My God i'd love to be a SAHM, even when my DS starts school next year. Having said that even though I work part time I also run a business from home so I suppose I don't count. Just means that instead of working when DS is in bed, i'd get time to do it in the day! Now that would be bliss.

If I didn't work from home then i'd still love to be a SAHM if I could afford it. Just to be there when my son came home from school without putting him in after school club, to have an organised house instead of a semi-organised one, to be able to do some real home cooking midweek, instead of warming stuff up, to be able to not clock watch as much, to be able to have some gasp time to myself?!!!

And I wasn't saying it was sad or wrong to be a SAHM. But in my experience with friends and family around me, the SAHMs I know don't spend all day horse-riding, going to the gym and shagging the gardener - most seem to be un-paid slaves to the rest of their families (in their own words).

Sometimes you don't have much of a choice. I have a teenage son with SN, I expected to have my life back by now, but I haven't. I had to quit my fairly boring, PT admin job a year ago, because I couldn't manage that and dealing with all the shit from my son, my son's school, all the appointments I had to take him to. It was either quit or go mad. And someone has to be there for him when the taxi drops him off from school at 3.30 - it's a legal requirement and there's no one else to do it. Everyone's situation is different. Some people stay at home because they want to, some because they have to. And no, my husband couldn't give up his job because he's got the better earning power than me and if he gave up we'd be out of a home.

As to what I do all day - when things are going well with my son and I'm not feeling depressed, then I do voluntary work, have a stab at some of the gardening and DIY, see friends, do the shopping, cook, balance the budget so we don't go overdrawn etc. When things are going badly with my son and he is driving me to insanity, I use the time he's at school to hole up and try and recover from it. That's if he's not refusing to go to school. Sometimes I do feel like I'm going mad, I would like to work, but with anything involving my son, it stops being possible after a bit. I'm not a great catch for an employer - need to work school hours only, preferably not in school holidays because I can't leave my SN son alone, I need them to be able to cope with me being late in the morning when my son refuses to get in the taxi, and to be able to cope when I need to leave because my son's kicked off at school and I need to go and sort it out. Yeah, right. That's not happening!

I'm glad that you're able to have the balance you want. Sometimes things just don't work out like that though - you can never tell what little gems life is going to throw at you. I certainly didn't see myself still at home with a nearly 15 year old and a nearly 13 year old.

Yabu! To each their own.

I am a wage slave but reckon if I was a SAHM I would have no trouble at all filling my day with interesting stuff.
In my dreams I would:
Get more exercise
Read more
Get the allotment in tip top shape
Have a clean and tidy house
Spend time cooking/baking
Go to the cinema/theatre/museums/galleries
Learn some new skills
Walk the dog.
Meet my DD from school every day.

Not struggle to keep up the voluntary stuff I already do.
No worries really. Life would be sweet. I quite like work and enjoy what I do, but I reckon if money was no object I would not be bored if I didn't 'work'.

I've been a SAHM for 10 years now, my youngest started school 2 weeks ago. In that time I've managed to get around to doing those crappy jobs that you never want to do, de-cluttering etc. Although this week I've been doing mainly light jobs as I'm recovering from a minor OP.

I am looking for a job but I need a school hours term time only job as I want to be around to pick the kids up/drop them off and in school holidays. They are very few and far between and the ones I have applied for I haven't even had an interview for as well I've been out of work for 10 years so who would want to employ me really. There have been a few term time jobs I haven't even bothered applying for as by the time I've lost out in tax credits, paid bus fare etc then I'm left earning around £10 a week. I'm stuck with MW jobs as I don't have a profession or a degree.

Atm I'm enjoying my time, and will hopefully get a suitable eventually.

Why do you care anyway OP?

Dammit. I forgot the whole shagging the gardener thing....

So, if you're rich enough and are female you are automatically a lazy cunt who wants to contribute nothing to society - except of course your half day a week at the dogs home, donkey rescue centre etc etc.

So, it's all off the backs of your hard working husbands in reality and you call yourself feminists? fucking hypocrites more like.

Because I can't find a job that fits school hours/holidays. I have a husband who's job takes him either away a lot or he works very long hours. He cannot be taking days off here, there and everywhere to look after sick children. We live miles from family so have no help. I personally want to be there for my children myself but that is my opinion and what anyone else wants to do is up to them.

I do a lot of housework, so there is not so much to do at the weekend and we can enjoy those without house drudgery.

But I also go out with friends, go to the gym, zumba, swim, shop etc. Tbh the hours of 9-3 go by very quickly, it seems like a long time but by the time you factor in what time you have to leave for school runs etc and what time you get back again, it is not really that long, especially for non car drivers like me.

If we could afford it I would continue to be a SAHM once dc2 is at school. Can think of loads of great things to indulge in that don't include the drudgery of cleaning etc.

I do getcha OP, and I personally would much rather be working than be a SAHM.

But given the difficulties of getting any kind of childcare that would cover my needs if I had a WOHM job, and let me do phone calls and other adult jobs in peace (oh wait, that was another thread...) --being a SAHM is about the best compromise. And that includes thru most of the primary age years.

Am hoping to come up with some kind of WAHM income. Would prefer WOHM, but the stress of how much I'd have to juggle to make it practical, not worth it.

This week when all the DC were shipped off at school/preschool I have filled time

weeding drive for 2 hours
touching up inside paint for 2 hours
done a recycling run to Tip
done a mega Sainsbury shop (in peace!)
phoning everywhere for heating oil (& finally ordered)
emailing DH to get other things organised
updating various projects
listing a load of stuff on Ebay (& photos)
laundry, light house work jobs
tried to catch up on emails (endless!)
20 minutes of facebook (all week)
planning distribution of leaflets for Green Party talk
Dossing on MN (always over meals!)
Practising piano (in peace, must do that now!)
Loads of other stuff that slips my mind just now

My other time (with children) is just continuation of same, really, plus running the kids around to and from other places and refering their disputes :).

ah, so you're under the impression that SAHMs in particular are oppressed and downtrodden, OP!

not in this house, no way!

Are you just jealous cos you can't keep up with all those Jeremy Kyle episodes you've recorded?

YANBU for asking. I'm a SAHM to a toddler and a foetus and intend to stay that way when they're at school, probably, so have been reading with interest!

pag has as usual hit the nail on the head. How one feels is entirely personal and simply can't be applied to anyine else.

When I gave up work I know that many many folk would have killed to be in my position. A lady of leisure with a cleaner and gardener.
And yet for me it didn't feel right. I felt aimless.

It wasn't the office life or postion or any off that stuff, either, more it was the lack of taking somehting and steering it from start to success. I'm absurdly driven and didn't find any way to chanel that wihtout work iyswim.

But that's me and my personality. I know women who are perfectly content at home. It utterly siuts them.

I can't figure out if kessaya is joking or not...

Ah. So angry keesaya.

Yes. I am a feminist thanks. Did I miss where you were put in charge of who qualifies?

So, it's all off the backs of your hard working husbands in reality and you call yourself feminists? fucking hypocrites more like.

Oh shit, wonders if now is not the right time to admit I'm a single parent AND a SAHM with child in school