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AIBU?

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Original poster

To wonder why anyone with school-aged children would want to be a SAHM?

1006 replies

Badtasteflump · 22/09/2011 13:43

And what they do all day?

I have my flame-proof hard-hat ready Grin

In the spirit of the general shit-stirring on here today I though I would ask this - as I do really wonder. Fair enough when you have pre-school aged children, I can understand wanting to be a SAHM. But once your children are at school full-time, what is there to do all day?

I work PT (school hours, basically). I manage (jointly with DH) to get all the housework, cooking, diy, etc) done in the evenings & weekends, no problem. If I were at home all day I really think I would go a bit mad - either that or I fear I would gradually become relegated to the role of house-slave, doing all the housework and childcare myself because I wouldn't have the excuse of a 'proper' job. . .

OP posts:
SarahStratton · 23/09/2011 20:09

If that is what the DDs want, then I shall be happy for them. I love my life, I sponge off nobody, and quite frankly as long as they are not harming anyone else I really don't mind what they chose to do with their life.

Because it's their life, not mine, not anyone elses.

ouryve · 23/09/2011 20:10

So wamster, what do you consider to be constructive? Is cooking not constructive? Gardening and enjoying the home grown fruit and veg that result? Making beautiful clothes? (knitting is my pissfart of choice) Having an uninterrupted bath?

Maybe working as a chef, gardener or clothes manufacturer in some form for pay is constructive, but doing these things at home, for yourself, isn't?

I'm a little baffled.

Riveninabingle · 23/09/2011 20:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pissfarterleech · 23/09/2011 20:11

And I can't understand anyone choosing to drop kids off at 8 am with CM or daycare, rushing to work, being someone else's wage slave for 8 hours and then rushing home to pick the kids up from day care, throwing dinner down them before they fall asleep, getting them to bed, cleaning, washing and DIYing, if you don't have to.

But hey, let's all agree to not understand, eh?

CrackerFactory · 23/09/2011 20:11

I want my dcs to have choice to do what they want, simple as...

CrackerFactory · 23/09/2011 20:11

oh and my dh could not be pursuing his career and have kids without me

floosiemcwoosie · 23/09/2011 20:13

Can someone please give me a list of the professional jobs that:-

your hours are 930 - 230
you get all of the school holidays off
you get to take an unlimited time off to attend various school events
there isnt a problem taking time off if your child is ill

Pissfarterleech · 23/09/2011 20:13

The freedom to choose how to live is one that women have fought and died for.

I get incandescent rage when other women try to dictate how we should all live.

scottishmummy · 23/09/2011 20:15

yes of course choice is good but imo housewife is no deep choice.as housewife is wholly dependent upon partner wage.housewife cant exercise true choice where to live as that is dependent upon partner wage.and supposing he were relocated you'd have to up stick and go too.

for me thats the aspect i couldn't tolerate well,finances and lifestyle being out with my direct control

SpringHeeledJack · 23/09/2011 20:17

Jesus, scottishmummy, we're partners not serfs Hmm

Pissfarterleech · 23/09/2011 20:18

And I would hate to leave my kids in daycare, be living with a man without the protection of marriage and not share our finances.

Eee, it's good we're all different isn't it, lass?

PootlePosyPerkin · 23/09/2011 20:20

floosie - when you find that profession, please let me know. Sounds like something I could re-train to do Grin. I presume it also pays handsomely? Hmm.

wamster · 23/09/2011 20:20

If being concerned about the state of my relationship meant that I would feel guilty as hell about my dh working his arse off while I played lady of leisure doing what would amount to no more than 2 hours a day of housework then, oh yes, I would feel a little bit concerned.

I'd call it taking the piss out of him big time myself. And so would he.

floosiemcwoosie · 23/09/2011 20:20

I do control the finances, thats one of the things i do when I'm not pissfarting about.

You dont think making a lifestyle choice, such as leaving a career for family reason, is a deep choice?

Alouiseg · 23/09/2011 20:21

Could we possibly have some PissFartLeech Quiche activity- please.

PootlePosyPerkin · 23/09/2011 20:22

scottishmummy - maybe it would be that way for you but I am a SAHM currently & I deal with all the household finances. We have a joint account & it certainly isn't a case of DH's money & my money. It's household money.

ThePosieParker · 23/09/2011 20:23

scottishmummy.....hmm if my DH was relocated I'd have to move? Really? Uproot my whole family because I don't earn? Fucking hell.... utter bullshit.

I think those perfect moments so precious to miss would kill me if I worked, but that's just me. Smile

Quattrocento · 23/09/2011 20:23

Doesn't it depend on what sort of person you are? I couldn't stay at home, and all the pursuits that people have listed would drive me mental if that constituted my life. But that's not judging those who like cleaning and dog walking and baking.

I like adrenaline of work and the mental stimulation and the competition. None of those really exist in the same way for me at home. Also it pays the bills ...

PootlePosyPerkin · 23/09/2011 20:23

And I should add, it was also that way before the DCs came along & I was the higher wage earner Smile.

SarahStratton · 23/09/2011 20:23

I am not dependant upon anybody for anything. Just wanted to make that perfectly clear.

ouryve · 23/09/2011 20:23

Scottishmummy, that goes for families with both parents working full time, too. They are still constrained by living within range of where they both work (and if their work locations are far apart, then one of them has to compromise on travel), and, if their careers are considered truly equal, then potential re-location is twice as likely to be an issue.

Whether both partners work or not, these are things that have to be faced up to by both partners, working together, in a partnership.

wamster · 23/09/2011 20:25

I appreciate that there ain't a lot of jobs out there that fit around school hours. I really appreciate that, but there is a hell of a difference between wanting to work but not finding the right job and actually being happy about not working.

Almostfifty · 23/09/2011 20:26

Thank you for your kind words people.

scottishmummy, I don't quite get that. We relocated because of my husbands job once, when our children were young and it was easy to do. Twice now, we've stayed put while he commuted with him home at weekends because of schooling. Joint decision.

As to finances, I do all that. I changed mortgage providers, I decide which insurers to go with, I check the utility providers, I have all the savings. The only thing I don't do is earn the money and I soon got over that guilt trip.

scottishmummy · 23/09/2011 20:26

no,if you dont work how can you equitably argue about location of the waged person work etc .you have to go were they are gont to be too.lack the clout or influence to determine the absolute decision,as you are all dependant upon the wage

scottishmummy · 23/09/2011 20:28

but paying some bills isnt onerous can do on-line or phone
and filing personal correspondence isnt too demanding either.its not fulltime job

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