To wonder why anyone with school-aged children would want to be a SAHM?

[Badtasteflump]

And what they do all day?

I have my flame-proof hard-hat ready

In the spirit of the general shit-stirring on here today I though I would ask this - as I do really wonder. Fair enough when you have pre-school aged children, I can understand wanting to be a SAHM. But once your children are at school full-time, what is there to do all day?

I work PT (school hours, basically). I manage (jointly with DH) to get all the housework, cooking, diy, etc) done in the evenings & weekends, no problem. If I were at home all day I really think I would go a bit mad - either that or I fear I would gradually become relegated to the role of house-slave, doing all the housework and childcare myself because I wouldn't have the excuse of a 'proper' job. . .

Don't they call male 'stay at home and do fuck all on someone elses money' cocklodgers?

why is it that only paid employment is constructive. Who decided?

Good post, MordechaiVanunu

I think there are very few people who effectively do nothing, most people are active, you just don't approve of their activities. And I repeat not all paid employment is constructive or even ethical. Every person's life is different. So perhaps you can stop wondering why people are happy not doing anything constructive because in their opinion it is constructive.

I don't think that anybody has said that only paid employment is constructive.

Being a sahm with pre-school children is constructive, being a carer for a disabled person or elderly person is constructive. It is helping society. It is unpaid but constructive. Even being a voluntary worker (although it would have to be a few days a week) is constructive.

What is not constructive is effectively indulging hobbies every day with no time structure of framework. How can it be good for mental health to do what you want day-in-day out?

Possibly Dexifehatz. As it's my money I suspect that makes me a cuntlodger.

I'm a long term lurker, and this thread has got me so annoyed, I've joined.

I'm a SAHM. We jointly made the decision that we didn't want anyone else to bring up our children, we had no family around to help, so as my wages were half my husband's I left work.

We went on to have three other children. The childminding costs would have been more than I would have earned, so it was a simple choice to continue on. My husband has always worked long hours, and has frequently had jobs that took him away from home for weeks on end, me being at home has meant life is much, much easier.

Twenty-one years later, our youngest is now 14 and I'm still a SAHM. I could work, but we manage fine on one wage, have a holiday abroad every year and have two decent cars. We're not rolling in it, but we have enough to live on and be comfortable.

What do I do with my time? I sit around watching Jeremy Kyle obviously....

Actually, I do voluntary work. Lots and lots and lots of it. I work a couple of days a week in the office of our local children's hospice, I help out in our local primary school and I run the local scout group. It takes up a great deal of time and effort.

If it wasn't for people like me, voluntary groups that do a lot of good would fall apart. I do it purely because I have the time, I wouldn't have that time if I worked.

Think on that next time you drop off your child at Beavers/Cubs/Scouts then moan about the leaders.

Think on that next time you see a parent who does reading with the children at school to encourage their potential.

Think on that next time you drop a pound into a charity box.

I also manage to do my housework during the week, so nights and weekends are free, ensure my sons do their homework when they're not shattered, and cook a proper meal every evening.

The good thing about all this voluntary work is that if I have a problem with my children and need time off, I can do it without it impacting on anything.

Those of you that wonder what we SAHM Mums do all day, this is what one does. Don't any of you dare presume that we don't do anything.

I'm a bit concerned.
I don't feel any guilt, anxiety or desperation

I just feel free and happy and very content.

I wonder what sort of relationships women who consider a mutually respectful and loving one to be sponging. I think that may say far more about their own relationships. I do know women who are expected and even cajoled back into work by their husbands when they really don't want to or think it is not in their children's best interests.

I expect it's easier to call other women leeches and sponger sin that case, than address your own relationship.

Not one SAHM has made a derogatory and offensive name call to a WOHM and yet we've been called spongers, lazy, leeches and a myriad of other names.

If you are truly happy with your choices, you genuinely would NOT be slagging off anyone else's. Really, really you wouldn't.

You cant decided what is constructive for every individual

Each person has to find that out for themselves

Well there is a time structure and framework as it is between the hours of 9 and 3.30, after that is business as usual. And I believe many people find it works just fine for their mental health just as many workers find that works fine for their mental health. As I have said repeatedly there are many jobs that are not constructive but because they carry the accolade of payment they are considered worthwhile. I have seen many men and women whose lives are shattered by the stresses and difficulties of their work. It is DIFFERENT for everyone. And having had very depressed parents, I think if you can be happy that is enormously constructive for family happiness.

pissfarterleech

No, really if I just lived off my husband when I had no excuse not to be working e.g. being a mum of pre-school kids, being a carer, or being incapacitated in some way, I would feel guilty as hell about having so much leisure time when he was working.
I would not see it as a 'mutually respectful' relationship at all. He'd be working while I indulged myself all day. I'd feel guilty as hell.

Almost fifty, excellent post

I thoroughly enjoy being a pissfarter. My DDs also rather like me being one too.

"I'm a bit concerned.
I don't feel any guilt, anxiety or desperation

I just feel free and happy and very content"

pissfartleacher - Amen to that!

ok,what i find baffling is the absence of employment,structure or progression. so say have kid/s at 30something and then sahm to housewife never work again. really? how can one have a life comprised of leisure activities because going for coffee,gym,library,shopping is leisure activities. and to do this indefinitely?so a brief period of work post school/uni and then protracted no work

and no im not talking people who provide care for another person,before anyone recounts how they look after someone. i mean housewife,kids at school 9-3

i genuinely get why sahm when kids pre-school, as nursery is v pricey and that cost has to be factored in.and some dont want to use external childcare

i genuinely dont understand stop work at 30something... and never work again. wholly dependent upn someone else for your home,finances and lifestyle. was thats part of the plan- work until become housewife

do you want that for your chidren?
do you have different gender expectations - or do you think boy or girl could be unwaged at home whilst kids at school

Almostfifty I am glad you de-lurked .

Sarahstratton - are you a cuntlodger and a pissfarter? My god how do you find the time? well, at least you are being constructive

Wamster, if I felt guilty about being a SAHM, then I'd be a little bit concerned at the state of my relationship.

Not saying you should be, 'course .

but wamster some want to work and some don't. Some have to and some don't. If a dh was resentful or vice versa then that is a relationship issue that would be sorted out. You seem to have missed the point that everyone is different and so we all feel differently