To wonder why anyone with school-aged children would want to be a SAHM?

[Badtasteflump]

And what they do all day?

I have my flame-proof hard-hat ready

In the spirit of the general shit-stirring on here today I though I would ask this - as I do really wonder. Fair enough when you have pre-school aged children, I can understand wanting to be a SAHM. But once your children are at school full-time, what is there to do all day?

I work PT (school hours, basically). I manage (jointly with DH) to get all the housework, cooking, diy, etc) done in the evenings & weekends, no problem. If I were at home all day I really think I would go a bit mad - either that or I fear I would gradually become relegated to the role of house-slave, doing all the housework and childcare myself because I wouldn't have the excuse of a 'proper' job. . .

We (my family) just do that stuff together. If it's organised right, it works well, and we still get loads of time to mess about doing nice stuff.

But it takes a LOT of organising. And a bit of nagging. Wouldn't have it any other way though. I was SAHM until dd was 3, and hated it. I felt completely unfulfilled. Different strokes and all that.

do all those tasks on line and diy as and when.its not onerous to pay bills and shop.and it not a whole week work either.im more bemused people can strech such low grade tasks to a whole week

Lets be clear for the hard of thinking
No im not jealous of housewife?s
I am not thwarted or desirous to be a housewife
I don?t want to marry well, not hot on that concept. obvious inference is marry a big wallet and secure some financial stability and ability to do hee-haw except leisure tasks

It is amusing that housewife?s assume workers are dragging self onto capitalist treadmill, when we?d secretly love to be housewife?s. and so consumed and thwarted that need to pretend to like working?

titty I'm sure they outsource what they can, and split the rest.

Tbh I dont work oiutside the home, but I'm jolly grateful for all those working parents that do.

In the last couple of days alone my life has been helped along immeasurably by the vet, the asthma clinic nurse, the teachers at DC's school, the auhtor of the book I'm enjoying, my cleaner to name but a few. All parents. All working outside the home.

AbbyAbsinthe, very pleased for you that you have a job you enjoy and find fulfilling. However, you don't have to be a working mum to teach your children that "everyone has to pitch in" etc. I manage to do that quite well whilst being fortunate enough to stay at home and do what is best for me, DP & DS. And scottishmummy, I did work prior to having DS and for a few months after he was born, and in a very stressful demanding role working with sex offenders in a specialist prison. I loved my job and found it very fulfilling. However, those few months I spent away from my son were the most miserable I've ever had and felt an immense sense of relief when we managed to juggle the finances and I could hand my notice in. I still feel just as happy 7 years later. Horses for courses basically. The OP asked a question I feel out of genuine curiosity and yet again, posters on here use it as an excuse to have a go at people who have made different choices to themselves. What a shame.

Indeed, sm. This is the second time this week that as a WOHM, I've been accused of being jealous of SAHP. I'm really not.

I tell you what is an interesting point though in this discussion - the amount of you that have described what you do in a day, and how much of it is about YOU, rather than about the dc.

Which is fine, if you can afford to, of course. But I'm confused about the lack of guilt too. That your husbands and partners work their arses off, while you're sitting reading or going out for lunch.

Very well said WordFactory.

OOO Abbyabsinthe a see a green eyed monster, You protest too much. Do working mums feel guilty at farming their kids out to others to care for them ,,,,no very rarely. So why should we feel guilty at having a husband who is happy for us to be at home. If both are happy whats the problem

I'm a sahm and may well continue to be one when both dds are at school full time, for various reasons. Where I live, they only go to school from 9-2 for the first couple of years, I would have no problem in filling 4.5 hours or so before I had to go to collect them.

Abby, maybe their husbands are happy for them to be at home, being able to get things done so the family has a better quality of life as a whole. So what if they have time for some leisure activities during the day, presumably their dh's also get to have sone leisure time as well?

How many posts have I read on here, where working mums bemoan the fact that they work full time and are still doing the vast majority of housework, childcare and general organisation of the household? Why do they make martyrs of themselves?

coccyx - did you read my other post where I was moaning about being accused of being envious of SAHP? Probably not.

I don't 'farm' my children out to others to care for them. They are at school. My teenager comes home by herself, and my ds is picked up by his dad.

Abbyabsinthe

I haven't actually explained what I do in a day. But as the point of the ops 'question' was to ask what one does when the dc are at school. And the discussion repeated that just doing house based/child based stuff would be soooooooo dull, people have articulated what they do that is not about the house and kids.
And I wonder if you missed the posts from riven and santi and others who are volunteers etc etc?

I don't think you are jealous of me. And I have been a wohm so I would be the last person to disparage that.

I think people are now reading what they want into a thread that has been all about sahms having to justify themselves. Again.

Sahms should not have to do that. Wohms should not have to do that.

Suggesting that my life is selfish is all over this thread and it is tedious and shows a shocking lack of imagination

Everyone does what they have to.

Some people are lucky enough to have choices.

The end.

I've tried to remain light hearted in this thread but I'm getting angry now. What gives anyone the right to judge what I'm doing? Walk a few steps down my life path first!

Aged 12 paper round 7 days a week, 6am start.
Aged 15 traded in paper round for Saturday's and Sundays in local shop
Aged 18 traded in weekend job for fulltime employment
Early 20s had a breakdown while pregnant in violent marriage and quit working
After divorce returned to full time work with small baby
6 months later had another breakdown caused by PTSD
1 year later returned to fulltime work
Fulltime working single parent for several years
Met husband who wanted me to go part-time out of concern.
Went part-time but too late to prevent complete nervous breakdown.
Stayed in bed for the next 2 years.
Diagnosed as autistic and finally started to get the right therapy and support.

3 years later and fannying about with OU course about unicorns and volunteering in the spider sanctuary. Wonderful husband is over the moon to have his wife back and has taken steps to ensure stability for me no matter what happens to him. He doesn't care where he is or what he has to do. He's seen into the darkness and all he wants is his family whole and well.

Really, take no notice. No one intelligent does.

The only person who I need to justify anything to is myself.

No, no, Pag, I think you're misunderstanding me slightly. Plus, I'm trying to add my points here while I'm at work

But there is some dreadful smuggery in this thread - not from you, I hasten to add - a lot of bragging about money, and Smuggy McLifestyles. You know what I mean.

Ultimately, anyone has the right to do whatever the fuck they like. If it suits them, all of them, groovy. Whichever way around. That's really what I think.

Kladdkaka - you're bloody amazing, and your links to Swedish houses cheered up an otherwise tedious afternoon (very much at work, in case you were wondering/worrying, OP...)
... and I was wondering what kladdkaka is, so thank you!

kungpupannda - your posts are totally brilliant, arse-licky as it sounds, I have to say I really admire the way that you can be the clear, tactful, sane voice of reason amongst many a bunfight.

Hullygully, Pagwatch - and other sane posters, all good too.

Just wanted to say those things....

Oooh I agree with that Abby. I always agree with people who use groovy. It's compulsory.

Kladdkaka's post sums it up - NO ONE on here has the right to judge anyone else for their life choices as they really know little or nothing about their situations.
I also think the OP's "question" was definitely aimed at bashing SAHMs, so why be surprised when they defend themselves?

Rise above it Kladdkaka - do you really CARE what these women think? You are now whole, well and happy. Good luck.

OP - why should I work when dh earns very well and a second income would be utterly superfluous?; you need to convince me why it is in any way necessary? Come on, I want to hear your arguments. Oh, and I don't do housework (hence not driven mad by it). Nor do I subscribe to a Protestant work ethic of drudgery (paid or otherwise) being necessary succour for the soul.

AbbyAbsynthe, . We're describing these things precisely because that's what was asked in the thread. We weren't asked to describe what we do when we are with our kids.

Abby, I didn't actually stipulate that it was one way, the sniping and criticism definitely happens both ways.

I definitely don't feel guilty about my husband working his arse off. He bloody loves it - is a type A personality and thrives on work (weirdo). He could easily work less and I'd be happy for the household income to fall correspondingly (and have tried to enlighten him about work/ life balance many times), but he does like to 'achieve' and that's how he does it [shrugs]. ...But why should I don a hair shirt and not go to lunch with my friends during the day because he works hard (when its his own choice)?

Fair do's Joannieb

tittybangbang, lots of parents may well knock of the housekeeping, home administration, arrange parties/doctors/dentist/clubs etc seamlessly around their full-time jobs, but as someone who works full-time (as does my husband), I can tell you that I don't. I cut corners, I do little housework (chaos reigns but the toilet is clean) and the children eat beans on toast with grated cheese quite often. I always wonder at the super-mums on MN who apparently find it easy to work full-time, do hours of commuting and still do the rest, I personally find it quite a strain, although it is my personal choice to spend my energy in that way.