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AIBU?

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Original poster

To wonder why anyone with school-aged children would want to be a SAHM?

1006 replies

Badtasteflump · 22/09/2011 13:43

And what they do all day?

I have my flame-proof hard-hat ready Grin

In the spirit of the general shit-stirring on here today I though I would ask this - as I do really wonder. Fair enough when you have pre-school aged children, I can understand wanting to be a SAHM. But once your children are at school full-time, what is there to do all day?

I work PT (school hours, basically). I manage (jointly with DH) to get all the housework, cooking, diy, etc) done in the evenings & weekends, no problem. If I were at home all day I really think I would go a bit mad - either that or I fear I would gradually become relegated to the role of house-slave, doing all the housework and childcare myself because I wouldn't have the excuse of a 'proper' job. . .

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 23/09/2011 00:30

would some of you advise/want daughters to marry well?
its hardly a great achievement is it.
heres a radical suggestion earn your own money dont need to be dependent upon available stock or whims of marry well husbands

Penthesileia · 23/09/2011 00:31

As it happens, sm, I bother lots of heads with a very good deal of book learning. Smile

scottishmummy · 23/09/2011 00:33

with desired aim to marry well or be autonomous

kipperandtiger · 23/09/2011 00:34

SM - oh no, if she were to marry at all, I would absolutely ask her to marry a good, kind man, not a rich man. Money she can earn herself. If she has to spend her life with someone, it should be someone who will treat her really well, who is kind, respectful and decent. Sounds like the start of another thread.....! No woman needs to (potentially) put up with c**p from a man just because he has enough money to buy lots of things. Oh yes, also, some rich men are very miserly - that's how they got rich.

DumSpiroSpero · 23/09/2011 00:34

Princess - this thread really struck a chord with me as I am just climbing the walls with frustration at it all at the moment.

I'm happy to acknowledge that my situation is a good one in some ways, but I'm not naturally a 'routine person' and after 2 years of nothing but it's really getting me down. With DD and DH also term time only my 'me time' is seriously diminished too.

I don't understand tbh why it's necessary to question/denigrate other people's life choices. We all have to make the best of our own situation and whether than involves working or not, with however many children at school or otherwise has got bugger all to do with anyone who it doesn't immediately effect.

TBH if I won the Euro Lottery tomorrow, not only would I give up work, I'd also have a cleaner and someone to come in and so my housework (and possibly paperwork too) so I could spend my time doing the things I enjoy with the people I care about, and you know what?

I wouldn't give a flying toot what anyone else though of me for it! Grin

PrincessTamTam · 23/09/2011 00:35

I think you'll find in a good marriage/partnership you are both dependent on each other, equally whoever earns the money. That's what I want my kids to learn. Also not to judge people who make different choices and have different lives. I also hope my boys will marry well and have happy relationships and if that means being SAH Dads fan bleedin tastic!

Penthesileia · 23/09/2011 00:36

Hopefully, to think for themselves and to be able therefore to make good decisions about how they wish to live their lives.

begonyabampot · 23/09/2011 00:37

There is a lot to be said for marrying well, of course. Why would I not want to marry well - strange!

PrincessTamTam · 23/09/2011 00:38

Good for you Dum!!!

DumSpiroSpero · 23/09/2011 00:40

Just wish there was an outside chance of it actually happening! Grin

scottishmummy · 23/09/2011 00:41

marry well has been said here in context of dont work.as salaried person will financially support. is that really realistic for males? some yes but a minority only

plan well and be able to support self if need be is imo better advice
marry well its so disempowering.a trade off for financial security

Penthesileia · 23/09/2011 00:51

Again, sm, I am willing to bet that the women (or men! Wink) on this thread who have, as I jokingly put it, "married well" (or not, as I know not everyone is married), are, broadly speaking, much, much, much more empowered and financially secure in many ways than, say, me. And I work in a reasonably well-paid job. This is obviously not the norm for everyone, but it is disingenuous to suggest it is not true for some.

And supporting oneself is only possible within a complex web of human connections and dependencies; and the earning power which you privilege as securing self-sufficiency is only rarely possible. As I said, one accident or twist of fate, and my "autonomy" could be gone.

Penthesileia · 23/09/2011 00:55

Anyway. I must go to bed now. Or I won't be able to do any work, paid or otherwise tomorrow. Good night.

cherrysodalover · 23/09/2011 02:06

I do think it shows a surprising lack of imagination that you would question how someone fills their days- let's face it 80% of jobs are probably pretty tedious and dull and I do wonder why people who don't need the money would do them for and some people do do this.
I think maybe more mentally creative people who are more secure in their self identity perhaps find it easier to enjoy occupying themselves.
Others need to work maybe to not be on their own with themselves and some people (many I guess) so dull jobs for the money.

cherrysodalover · 23/09/2011 02:12

"quite simply its stretching tasks to fill 9-3 day
stuff others fit in around work"

MmmmScotmummy. That made me laugh- sounds like a description of departments at a city council I worked at many years ago.

Botanical Gardens for me today, Zoo tomorrow and an outdoor screening at the weekend........no stretching just relief that I am afforded this time at home with my LO and that I am lucky enough to have a husband who had not pushed me back to work who can afford to support us.

StickyGhost · 23/09/2011 02:47

There seems to be quite a lot of not-so-stealthy boasting on this thread about how much money people have, how big their house is etc.

berri · 23/09/2011 03:30

scottishmummy

"but lets not pretend sahm with kids at school is doing owt else than tasks.tasks in absence of dependent children"

Er....so what are working parents doing all day if they're not doing that? Hardly an argument not to be a sahm is it!

CheerfulYank · 23/09/2011 03:49

I would love to! I'm a born potterer. :) I'd love to just do stuff around the house and read and whatnot. And I just may. We'll see!

Are there any SAHDs of school age children, out of curiosity?

Morloth · 23/09/2011 05:00

I married well.

What can I say? I backed the right horse.

I go to the gym, I take the baby swimming and we go to playgroup. I read a lot, I potter about the house and garden, I am there if DS1 is ill so no need for work stress. It is easy for DS1 to do the sporting stuff he likes after school, I play in a sports club and do a lot of the paperwork for that. I make all the family get togethers and holiday arrangements, I do all the gift and clothes shopping etc.

It is fucking fantastic. I love it, have been toying with going back (very) part time in January, but if I can't find something that suits then I won't bother.

I do have a toddler again at the moment, but had a couple of years with just the one DS at school. Will not be in any hurry to go back full time when DS2 starts school.

Yes, of course all those things could be done outside of a job as well, but why bother? We don't need the money and we all enjoy the slower pace of life made possible by my not working. DH works 8-8 most days and is away for up to 6 weeks at a time, this doesn't cause any stress and the money it brings far outweighs the inconvenience of not working myself.

I am just not that fussed, I work to make money, I am very good at what I do but don't really feel the need to do it if we don't need the cash. Why stress everyone out just to get money we don't need?

Morloth · 23/09/2011 05:13

My gardener is sadly definitely NOT shaggable.

He is very old and sort of came with the house. In that we moved in and later that day he knocked on the door and said, 'I have been doing this yard for 25 years, do you want me to keep doing it? It will cost $45 for once a week.'

He does the pool as well, but I have no cleaner alas, just haven't gotten around to sorting one out at this house, moving next month and will get one then. Hopefully old gardener dude will be interested in another yard to deal with.

CeliaFate · 23/09/2011 07:31

Why do we need men to put us down when women are more than capable of doing that to each other? Hmm So much for the sisterhood!

Pagwatch · 23/09/2011 07:45

Giganticus

Have none of the details on here about what people do and why their lives may be different to your made any difference?

Because you just seem to rolling out jaded cliches like a kind of Jeremy clarkson.

That brain you keep saying you use....

DontTellAnyonebut · 23/09/2011 07:46

I was a SAHM for 4 years, with FT help in and out. Most of my friends were in the same situation so there was loads to do. However, i wanted to get back to work so started to freelance, which fitted in perfectly. TBH i went back to work for 2 reasons, 1 the opportunity was there, which was bloody lucky, and 2 i want to be able to look after myself should my DH and i ever split up.

Pagwatch · 23/09/2011 07:47
Grin And that is what happens when you starting posting at bedtime and shut down before it posts. It posts when you switch back on, like a time warp...
JillySnooper · 23/09/2011 07:53

Absolutely celiafate.

I was waiting for the tedious inevitability of SM banging her anti SAHM drum.

Grin
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