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AIBU?

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Original poster

To wonder why anyone with school-aged children would want to be a SAHM?

1006 replies

Badtasteflump · 22/09/2011 13:43

And what they do all day?

I have my flame-proof hard-hat ready Grin

In the spirit of the general shit-stirring on here today I though I would ask this - as I do really wonder. Fair enough when you have pre-school aged children, I can understand wanting to be a SAHM. But once your children are at school full-time, what is there to do all day?

I work PT (school hours, basically). I manage (jointly with DH) to get all the housework, cooking, diy, etc) done in the evenings & weekends, no problem. If I were at home all day I really think I would go a bit mad - either that or I fear I would gradually become relegated to the role of house-slave, doing all the housework and childcare myself because I wouldn't have the excuse of a 'proper' job. . .

OP posts:
Northernlurker · 22/09/2011 23:53

UniS - but you don't need to be at home to do that stuff. The children of wohms still need to eat.

scottishmummy · 22/09/2011 23:54

quite simply its stretching tasks to fill 9-3 day
stuff others fit in around work

lovingthecoast · 22/09/2011 23:57

Of course they do but when I was working it was manic between picking them up at 5.30, trying to get them fed, get homework done and get them all bathed and in bed. Then needing to start on everything else as well as all the work I'd brought home. It was a stressful situation for all of us and we are all happier with me at home.

Penthesileia · 22/09/2011 23:57

There is no reason why "stretching tasks to fill 9-3 day" as opposed to, say, sitting at a desk from 9-5, should be valued as a lesser or less meaningful way to spend one's day.

scottishmummy · 23/09/2011 00:00

one is economically active.other is fannying about 9-3 til kids come home
stretch away but dont make it out like is altruistic or deep act

NormanTheForeman · 23/09/2011 00:01

An average week for me (as a SAHM with a school age child) would be -

Mon - clean house, visit elderly mother

Tues - do food shopping at butchers, bakers and greengrocers, visit Mum

Weds - help out at ds's school all morning, visit Mum, do other home-related tasks.

Thurs - go into town, buy necessary items. Mow lawn/do other gardening, visit Mum

Fri - help out at ds's school all morning. Do ironing, visit Mum.

I would find, that with a couple of mornings doing voluntary work at ds's school, and having an elderly relative to visit every day, that getting the shopping/cleaning/ironing done every day fills up most of the time. Sometimes I also have a morning free to see a friend/go swimming. That's about it.

The evenings, I cook the dinner every evening (and clear up afterwards etc) and go out one evening a week to a band rehearsal. Other evenings, after dinner, I supervise ds's bedtime, then maybe do a bit of MNing/speak to my sister/friends on the phone.

goodasgold · 23/09/2011 00:03

I don't understand how you could get bored. I would play golf or tennis, or swim. I would learn the local language, and host teas to non English speakers. I would go to museums and art galleries. I would have a massage or a facial. Ohh and a pedicure. I would volunteer for Amnesty. I would arrange all our holidays so we can get away at the same time as dh, I would get really good at skiing

I don't think this would make me boring to my dh. TBH his work is far more boring but he loves it. And he can't do it without me.

Next year when ds is in kiga. I will have all the fun. But my gardeners are all a bit basic,

DumSpiroSpero · 23/09/2011 00:04

Because I can think of nothing worse than being on someone else's time.

Nail on the head.

I work school hours, term-time only and consider myself lucky to be able to do that as I need to work for financial reasons. My colleagues are a pretty good bunch and the work itself is ok, although a far cry from what I studied/trained to do.

But I hate being tied to the routine and the monotony of it all. The endless conveyer belt of the same thing day in, day out makes me want scream with the tedium of it.

If I had the option I'd be SAHM in a heartbeat - I can think of plenty of things to do besides house and garden chores that would keep me happily occupied for the rest of my life!

PrincessTamTam · 23/09/2011 00:05

Children need you way more once at secondary school...IME. Very hard to find job that fits in school hours and hols.

scottishmummy · 23/09/2011 00:05

listing tasks and chores in undertaken in absence of dc,merely illustrates abbundance of time and things done to fill time - fill time because you can

lovingthecoast · 23/09/2011 00:06

SM, I don't make out that it's anything other than the right thing for us at the moment. I certainly don't pretend to do housework all day. DH would laugh til his head fell off at the suggestion that I'm a good housekeeper.

But I contributed to the economy for many years and DH pays vast amounts of tax so as a partnership, the economy benefits hugely from us.

Penthesileia · 23/09/2011 00:10

And so what? Being economically active, by which you mean "working for a wage", is not in and of itself a more valuable activity than "fannying about", as you so delightfully put it. And it is certainly not altruistic. It may be "deep", but that would probably depend on what you do. Are you a philosopher, sm? "Fannying about" at home could be deep. It would largely depend on its significance to the individual, I imagine. Caring for an elderly relative, for example, is probably considerably "deeper" than working in a call centre.

And, incidentally, I am willing to bet that several SAHM on this thread are considerably more "economically active" than me, despite the fact I work, simply because they were wise enough either to earn a lot of money for themselves before becoming SAHM, or were similarly wise enough to marry well. Wink

scottishmummy · 23/09/2011 00:10

its up to you,but imo dependence upon partner wage for your lifestyle is precarious and risky.makes re entry to employment etc harder.but certainly if it suits do it. but lets not pretend sahm with kids at school is doing owt else than tasks.tasks in absence of dependent children

Penthesileia · 23/09/2011 00:12

Sorry, x-posted. Typing slowly on wretched iPad.

scottishmummy · 23/09/2011 00:12

i earn my own money
im unmarried
will never embrace concept of married well, sounds horridly graspy and materialistic at bagging a big wallet. and how is that in any way laudable?

NormanTheForeman · 23/09/2011 00:14

scottishmummy, a lot of my time is taken up visiting my elderly Mum, which isn't because I can! It's because I am the only person in my family who can possibly do it. It's not easy, it's frequently stressful, and it's yet another reason why returning to work wouldn't be easy for me.

And yes, I fill lot of the rest of my days (while ds is at school) with housework etc, because I would rather get it done then, and be able to spend time with him once he gets home. Ok if I worked full time I wouldn't have that option, but then I would just have to spend all my evenings cleaning/ironing etc (after already visiting my Mum, cooking dinner) and never spend time with ds.

PrincessTamTam · 23/09/2011 00:14

Well said Dum, exactly my experience when was lucky enough to find such a job, also felt I did neither of my jobs properly, always felt stretched between the two (mum and worker). Now am even luckier to be able to be a SAHM to 3 teens and 3yo, and it's bleedin hard work but wouldn't swap it for anything.
My DH would no way be able to do his job if I had carried on with my original career.

scottishmummy · 23/09/2011 00:17

is there married unwell
seeing married well has been touched upon

Penthesileia · 23/09/2011 00:19

Yes, well, earning money may be necessary, useful, and - if you have surplus to your needs - provide pleasure. But it does not in itself offer a particularly meaningful definition for human existence. Certainly no more and no less than any number of human activities.

And I didn't say marrying well was laudable; I said it was wise. Wink

lovingthecoast · 23/09/2011 00:21

Gosh, I didn't 'marry well'! As a newly qualified teacher I supported DH through his law conversion and even after that I was earning more than him. It was only really after he left Practice to join a bank that his salary went through the roof!

Also, I don't pretend to do tasks either! I do tasks that need doing and are easy to do in the day. The rest of the time is my own to do with as I please. Some days I volunteer, others I sort urgent stuff out but on many days I just meet friends for coffee/lunch or read in the garden. I don't pretend it's hard work. I had 3 under 4 at one point. That was hard work. It's just the best option available for us as a family unit at the moment.

But I'm repeating myself now so I'm off to bed. Goodnight ladies!

begonyabampot · 23/09/2011 00:22

But I enjoy 'fannying about' and not having to do it all and be stressed out. Does it make you a better person SM to do all those things? My husband enjoys it as well as he gets out of doing all the stuff I do which would leave him with hardly any time to himself, just less stressful all round.

scottishmummy · 23/09/2011 00:24

marrying well does that play at housey and salaried earner does tin in working and throws you a bauble everyone in while

gosh,do encourage your girls to do that.to marry well
yes dont bother pretty head with book learning maybe you will marry well girls

PrincessTamTam · 23/09/2011 00:26

There's a lot to be said for having a non stressed out mum! Teens thrive on stressed parents. Night night.

Penthesileia · 23/09/2011 00:27

You don't have to justify or explain anything, lovingthecoast. Smile I was trying some gentle humour! Good night.

And you don't need to justify yourself, either, begonya.

PrincessTamTam · 23/09/2011 00:27

No need to up the ante SM - that's really not what ANYone has said. Def off to bed now.

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