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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why anyone with school-aged children would want to be a SAHM?

1006 replies

Badtasteflump · 22/09/2011 13:43

And what they do all day?

I have my flame-proof hard-hat ready Grin

In the spirit of the general shit-stirring on here today I though I would ask this - as I do really wonder. Fair enough when you have pre-school aged children, I can understand wanting to be a SAHM. But once your children are at school full-time, what is there to do all day?

I work PT (school hours, basically). I manage (jointly with DH) to get all the housework, cooking, diy, etc) done in the evenings & weekends, no problem. If I were at home all day I really think I would go a bit mad - either that or I fear I would gradually become relegated to the role of house-slave, doing all the housework and childcare myself because I wouldn't have the excuse of a 'proper' job. . .

OP posts:
JillySnooper · 23/09/2011 08:06

Like any decisions we make in life, they are based on many factors.
I don't call myself a SAHM as my children are all in school.
SM, again you talk about being economically inactive. that's inaccurate. many of the SAH wives are married to very high earners who pay far more tax than teh average two working family. Far more. And being at home enables teh other partner to do what they do. As has been said, you can't travel abriad for weeks at a time without a brilliant support network.

Secondly, many SAH have excellent financial back up and are less vulnerable than many working women on low or average wages.

Finally, no matter how many times we say it SM, it doesn't sink in but I'll say it again.

You want to work, super. Good for you.

I don't. I couldn't give a monkey's left bollock how you live your life so I'm utterly perplexed as to why someone wastes so much energy getting their knickers in a twist about how other women live theirs.

Bonsoir · 23/09/2011 08:11

"I don't. I couldn't give a monkey's left bollock how you live your life so I'm utterly perplexed as to why someone wastes so much energy getting their knickers in a twist about how other women live theirs."

SM is Envy Envy Envy Envy Envy. Which is not really a bad thing - it has driven her ambition. But she has a long way ahead and cannot bear seeing so many people so far ahead of her (perhaps leading lives she will never achieve).

SpringHeeledJack · 23/09/2011 08:16

I'm home educating at the moment, so (some of) my kids aren't actually at school

however, when they do go to school, I can't see that there will be too many opportunities for me to find work that's more meaningful/fulfilling than being a SAHM, and that fits in with school hours. If I had my time over again, I'd've worked for the Civil Service, or the NHS. An organisation with a family friendly outlook (not one- like my ex employer- that assumes your brain drops out the second you have a baby Hmm)

Since we can (just about) afford to live on dp's salary, I'm going to spend my time doing up our new house, and do all the houseworky drudgey shite stuff, so that we have all our weekends freeeeeeeee.

AND I am going to retitle myself as Household Premises Manager, cos it sounds better Grin

Tchootnika · 23/09/2011 08:19

celiafate - sanest post so far!

Pagwatch · 23/09/2011 08:30

It is funny that all that many of the women claiming that a woman should work talk about living off a man.

They seem to be doing so in the name of caring about womens image

Yet none of them seem to have considered that a woman may have the wherewithal to support herself.

It is staggeringly sexist from women claiming to be more feminist than everyone else.

If jk rowling decided to stop work for a while would she be doing so because she was idle and had married well?

I had bought my own home before I even met dh.

Some on here seem to think women are unable to support themselves without a man and they seem to be more prevalent amongst the wohms on this thread.

SarahStratton · 23/09/2011 08:32

Because I like being at home and I don't need to work.

DD1 is 18, DD2 is 14.

SOIB

singforsupper · 23/09/2011 08:36

Well I was a SAHM for 13 years - my youngest has just gone to secondary school. In the old days, I used to do a lot of voluntary work, parent support, inclusion training, disability support groups, PTAs etc. I did this so that I could keep myself free for emergencies at school etc, illness, my daughter has problems sometimes.

So now I need money life is rather different. I find it difficult to get an office job as although in theory, using my time productively adds to my CV, it means my actual employment history is prehistoric. Irony of ironies, I now earn money by childminding and gardening, exactly what I have been doing for 13 years, but for free. Funnily enough I enjoy it more when I am paid to do it.

I say boo to all those smug people with acres of land and their I'm-alright-jack attitude. If nothing else, it's impolite to boast. Just be careful when the wolf is at the door and nobody will employ you...

NinkyNonker · 23/09/2011 08:39

Blimey, no-one has said they're alright Jack and everyone else sod off, their situation has nothing to do with yours.

begonyabampot · 23/09/2011 08:42

why does the overall tone of the SAHM's on this thread sound less stressed, tolerant and happy compared to the few mums (ones who are dig) who work and sound the opposite?

begonyabampot · 23/09/2011 08:42

(ones who are having a dig)

Pagwatch · 23/09/2011 08:43

It is impolite to bias. It is also impolite to say people are idle, living off their dhs, hypoctprites etc etc.

I suspect you are reading the retorts and ignoring the insults that provoked them

Morloth · 23/09/2011 08:43

Quite Pagwatch.

DH could leave tomorrow and I would be fine, unhappy obviously, but fine.

wideawakenurse · 23/09/2011 08:56

Oh god, who cares what other women do with their time?

Who cares if someone chooses to be a SAHM, whether the DC's are babies or teenagers?

Me, I work. Not my number one choice, but there has been lots of uncertainty around DH's job for some time. We really can't risk only having one person on paid employment.

But, hey if we won the lottery..I'd be clearing my desk at work quicker than a flash. But, seeing as that is unlikely, we will make the best of the situation we are in now. I'd give my right arm to not live the whirlwind, stressed life I have now with very little time for myself.

I cannot believe that some posters are happy to bash other women's choices. What's the point? Would men do this?

I think not.

JillySnooper · 23/09/2011 09:05

scottishmummy

I just did a quick calculation of the tax benefits of both DH and I working and sharing domestic duties and just him working.

If we both worked he would have to find another job paying probably a quarter but at best half, what he is now paid.

With both of us working the loss to the tax (wo)man would be tens of thousands a year.

Still reckon SAHM are economically inactive? Hmm

Gay40 · 23/09/2011 09:21

Essentially though, if your kids are at school, you are pissfarting about from 9-3, filling up the day with car insurance, gift buying and "The History of Spiders" on the OU.

Bonsoir · 23/09/2011 09:24

Gay40 - you are projecting your own futile past times on others Wink. Get a life!

begonyabampot · 23/09/2011 09:25

I enjoy my pissfartiness, if it's not for you fair enough. Maybe one day when the novelty wears of I will stop pissfarting.

CeliaFate · 23/09/2011 09:25

Unlike you, Gay, whose career is so fulfilling you have the time and energy to trawl through 19 odd pages of a Mumsnet thread? Have a pissfarting weekend, or as I choose to call it, an enjoyable life.

rubyrubyruby · 23/09/2011 09:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

begonyabampot · 23/09/2011 09:28

Gay, why are you pissfarting about on Mn anyway - shouldn't you be at work?

LauraShigihara · 23/09/2011 09:32

This is very interesting to read. I have been at home for a few years and I really love it.

I worked fulltime through my oldest children's growing up years and I remember most of it as an exhausted blur.

SarahStratton · 23/09/2011 09:34

I don't mind, I like pissfarting about. Grin

LidlVoice · 23/09/2011 09:35

I must admit I found it hard to accept being "kept" to begin with, as I'd always worked. BUT, as others have pointed out, it's about a joint arrangement. DH has just accepted a job abroad for 3 weeks - it would be a much harder decision for him if I were working. As it is, he can accept as much work as he wants (he loves his job) because I do what I do. So it cuts both ways. He gets to avoid all the jobs he hates (shopping/ironing/gardening) because I'm fine with doing all of that. So in a sense I see that as my job/contribution. It works very well for us. I'm just having a leisurely breakfast in the garden ....

Morloth · 23/09/2011 09:35

Why is that a problem though Gay40?

It is Friday night here. Tomorrow we can roll out of bed at 10am, and are having friends over for lunch.

Nothing needs to be done tomorrow really because I did it all today. House is clean, shopping done, things marinating etc.

Then on Sunday we are off to a family BBQ for the day. No need to fuss with housework or worry about batch cooking or any of the things I would need to spend my weekends doing if I worked.

Our evenings are relaxing, DS2 is in bed, DS1 is playing with some toys and watching TV and DH will be home later, to a quiet, relaxed house with no need to do anything other than chill with me and have a margerita. Everything that needs doing gets done through the day.

As I said, I obviously could do all these things around a full time job if I needed to, but what would be the point?

Instead the times where no-one is at work or school can just be spent playing together with no need to get stuff done. Much better for us.

LauraShigihara · 23/09/2011 09:37

Pissfarting about sounds great. I'll think I'll have that sort of day today (because I can).

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