To wonder why anyone with school-aged children would want to be a SAHM?

[Badtasteflump]

And what they do all day?

I have my flame-proof hard-hat ready

In the spirit of the general shit-stirring on here today I though I would ask this - as I do really wonder. Fair enough when you have pre-school aged children, I can understand wanting to be a SAHM. But once your children are at school full-time, what is there to do all day?

I work PT (school hours, basically). I manage (jointly with DH) to get all the housework, cooking, diy, etc) done in the evenings & weekends, no problem. If I were at home all day I really think I would go a bit mad - either that or I fear I would gradually become relegated to the role of house-slave, doing all the housework and childcare myself because I wouldn't have the excuse of a 'proper' job. . .

Dd2 has dyslexia & so I have to take her out of school twice a week for extra tuition. I help at school 2 mornings & 1 afternoon a week. I also help look after my elderly grandmother who has dementia (mainly to give my dm a break).

On top of that I have RA among other things & some days I can't even walk to the front door.

So that's what I do most days!

My best friend went back to work but got stung many times when one or another of her DCs fell ill and she was asked to take them home, with nobody to cover her work. Eventually she had to give notice or be fired. She became an SAHM not by choice.

I've just picked this list at random from a post above:

i have plenty to do,
school and nursery run sometimes I get to do this, mostly it is dh
afterschool activities as above
playdates at weekends, after work, on my one day off
gym 3x per week not a chance I'd find the time
hair/nail appointments as above
help with school when I can- evenings, weekends
lunch once a week with dh once a year?!
coffee once a week with friends with dd, on weekends or my day off
book/peruse holidays can't afford
currently refurnishing whole house,sofas beds etc cant afford
household bills etc evenings/weekends

Basically as far as I can see, WOHM do exactly the same as SAHMs, but then SAHMs get to add on lots of lovely fun/fulfilling/useful/lazy stuff too. I am just really fucking jealous tbh . pissed off that our financial circumstances don't allow me (or dh) to have a nicer life.

I have no issue with SAHMs but I hope to god you realise how lucky you are!

Not read everything as it's already at 18 pages!!

DH and I work full-time and have a 2yo DD. However our plan is for me to stop work in a year or so, so I'm around to do the school run, have DD on inset days and school holidays, and of course look after DD when she's ill. At the moment it's one big stress juggling everything and that's without dropping work to be at home when she's ill or struggling to cover 6wks summer holiday.

At the moment we do struggle a bit with housework, cooking balanced meals and things like that. I hope we'll all benefit from less stress. Plus, we could just have the one car, and save money on our food bill by cooking from scratch and growing our own veg.

I would probably look for a little voluntary job or supermarket job just to keep my hand in. Clearly a nice term-time job would be great but they're like gold dust :)

Another one here whose family income is higher if DH works to his full capacity and I stay at home.

DS1 at school, DS2 at preschool every morning. I spend my time sorting out our newish moved in a year ago stuff still in boxes house, volunteering and trying to heal my crap mental health with CBT, exercise and meditation.

Until the house is straight and my mind is healthy again I won't be attempting to go back to work.

The above does all hinge on DH's business so at the mo, I'm very jealous of SAHMs!

Have only skimmed but god, being a sahm with kids at school is FAB!

I do c2 hours of chores a day (not cleaning, have a cleaner) and then I do whatever I want.

Read books
Go for walks
Meet friends
Mess about on the Internet
Watch films

What's not to like?

I'd like to ask how you get over the fact that someone else keeps you. When you spend money on yourself (hair, clothes, lunch with friends or whatever) it's not you who earned it (unless you count being a SAHM as providing a service to your DP). I haven't spent money I didn't earn (or needed to earn to repay) since I was a child. I HATE my job but can't bring myself to sit on my backside and let someone else keep me. Teach me how! My job is stressing me out!

I have always worked, have a job in the public sector that i find intersting and rewarding and that I feel passionate about. I work flexi hours full time, so I get in very early and am home by 4pm. DH works part time. I think I'm very lucky and can't imagine not working (bit like some of the DH's mentioned on here). My adult son says he thought it was the norm for Mum's to work and he has a strong work ethic himself. I hope I also provide a positive role model to my 2 year old DD. I love my holidays and weekends but wouldn't want that life all the time. Don't envy those with cleaners and horses (not a fan of horses and absolutely could not pay someone to clean up my mess, especially if i didn't work!!!) - but each to their own, guess they don't envy me either!

I get over it by

• knowing that my financial contribution over our relationship has been enormous (££££)
• knowing that I earn more when I work
• knowing that I was the breadwinner for years and therefore deserve a swap

So I'm hardly a kept woman! And what I do is cook, wash, ferry kids and enjoy myself.

It depends how you see keeping. Most of the women here have happy partnerships where both members feel benefitted by the arrangement, with the husbands' lives being made easier. Money isn't the only value to bring to a family I don't think. My DD is only 13months so still very much at home with me so I don't count really but I don't feel guilty in the slightest spending money, it is ours. If I stay at home when she starts school which I suspect I will I won't feel guilty then either, decisions are joint.

I don't have to get over it. It is not an issue.

Since we met and started a serious relationship we put all our money into joint accounts and spend according to our needs and wants.
I want him to be happy . He wants me to be happy.
So I am not going to raid our account - it would be self defeating.
And he did not raid the account when I was working and earning mire than him.

We are acteam. It goes in the pot. He would not be where he is without me. I would not be where I am without him.

If my relationship were about justification and keeping tabs it would be meaningless .

I would argue that having a SAHM is not going to endanger a child's work ethic. Given that up until recent generations a SAHM was the norm, by that logic the majority of the country would bve work shy! I had a SAHM and have no issues with work ethic.

Crikey herethere I'd get over someone else keeping me! If you and yours love each other and he's happy with the arrangement then why does it matter who earns the money? Plus you can always say thank you for all the lovely stuff he buys you and then cook him a nice steak

Exactly Ninkynonker, like many posters, my DH earns far more because I don't work so the money is jointly earned.

Disclaimer - I am not a parent

I think that those who stay at home have great lives. They do everything that WOHM have to do and then have time to pursue their own interests, whether that be an MA, hearing kids read or just going for lunch.

Would I do it if I could? Hell yes.

I think it's the perfect life, one you can design as you see fit. But I don't think it's contributing massively to much or is hard work and those that claim it is are kidding themselves.

I am hoping that my dds will grow up as their own people, not defined by what I may or may not have done during their childhood. I encourage them to work hard and do well in life with the ambition to do or be whatever they want to be. They curently want to be a Vet/Popstar great, I will also be proud of them if they choose to go down the SAHM route. Live and let frigging live.

I really, really would love to stay a SAHM when ds2 starts school, but I'll probably need to get a job. There are hundreds of things I could do!

'What do sahm's with kids at school do?' Well, I guess they live their life. If you can't imagine how to fill a day without paid employment, then you lack imagination! Plus, how many jobs fit in with school hours and holidays? Not a great deal.

i would really hate not to earn my own money, don't know why but just wouldn't sit well with me.

just couldn't stand someone giving me 'housekeeping' - have always worked though and even when children were small i went back to work pretty quickly.

guess most posters on here who don't work have seriously high earning partners

Your first line says it all cumbria81

I didn't say that being a SAHM affected a child's work ethic. Just said how it is with me and mine. My Mum was also a SAHM. I do, however, think its good for girls to see their mothers work - and does no harm for them to see dad's at home either!

After 15 years of deluding myself that working part time/full time was in some way rewarding or essential to me as a person. I have given up work to spend time with my school aged children - as a family we are happier, the DCs can do more, i can do more and my dh can do more. Weekends are not a constant rush of trying to fit everything, we save less but I now cannot imagine how i ever managed to fit work in.

I think if we asked the working mums to justify their day in the same way as this thread has asked sahm's, their would be an uproar. This is exactly the kind of nasty divisive thread that makes me as a feminist want to weep!!

Spot on, CrackerFactory

Southeastastra, ask for housekeeping? hahahahahahahahaha. Now who's back in the 1950's?

why cracker? i must admit i've not read all the thread, it's blardy long

but i think it's interesting are we not allowed to share views?