To wonder why anyone with school-aged children would want to be a SAHM?

[Badtasteflump]

And what they do all day?

I have my flame-proof hard-hat ready

In the spirit of the general shit-stirring on here today I though I would ask this - as I do really wonder. Fair enough when you have pre-school aged children, I can understand wanting to be a SAHM. But once your children are at school full-time, what is there to do all day?

I work PT (school hours, basically). I manage (jointly with DH) to get all the housework, cooking, diy, etc) done in the evenings & weekends, no problem. If I were at home all day I really think I would go a bit mad - either that or I fear I would gradually become relegated to the role of house-slave, doing all the housework and childcare myself because I wouldn't have the excuse of a 'proper' job. . .

I have had two people make comments about me being a SAHM this week and it really gets on my t*ts!

Its nobody elses business why you make your own choices in life and for their/OP's information I have been left a few months ago by my abusive partner,just got through two bouts of PND and been given a diagnosis of anxiety and ADHD. I have actually applied for over 10 jobs and not even had a letter back acknowledging my interest. I do voluntary work but to other mums I probably look like a lazy cow who does f all.

So Grrrr and I wish I had a sexy gardener

thebody and he looks like gardener #2 except with dark hair and not like beaker from the muppets honest

Pag

Your last post about changing perspective after dc2 is the key. Things look different according to your particular circumstances. The trick is to adjust what you are doing to suit what is happening in your life, regardless of what others think.

Being able to see things from other people's perspective is easier when you have changed your own mind about things a few times.

O.P. Get a life and stop window gazing. To start with. Secondly, if you really want to know what SAHM's get up to, jack your job in and try it yourself. I guarantee you'll find something better to do than start threads that deliberately annoy people.

HTH

bitsnbobs -- christ you are getting it tough

a good hoeing would certainly cheer you up! :)

Id do it. Id do anything to stop working. I bloody hate it.

"I manage (jointly with DH) to get all the housework, cooking, diy, etc) done in the evenings & weekends, no problem."

[shrug] I have weekends and evenings free. No problem.

I did it for 10 years.

Fair drove me crackers, it did.

Back at work now, and much happier.

H working from home, and he blardy loves it.

Horses for courses, I'd say. Down to personality.

Both of my school age boys have ASD and one of them has ADHD, too. I have lots of appointments, phone calls etc to deal with - I joke that I'm their social secretary. I live i a rural location with no suitable childcare available, so could only work limited hours, if the opportunities were available. In those limited hours, the employer would have to allow all these appointments (clinics run at set times - no after school appointments) and meetings at school and give time off for the one schoolday in 10-15 I have one or other of the boys at home, ill. Then there's the not trivial matter of 13 weeks a year school holidays.

I'm never bored. My childfree time is when i can actually get stuff done without Things Happening (I can't leave them unsupervised for a minute).

Kladkakka - like I said - there is always some sort of payoff for the lifestyle! Your DH is possibly as bad as my DH, except mine is obsessed with tractors, combine harvesters and crop sprayers! His definition of "interesting reading is the crop reports in Farmers Weekly!

Not all SAHM's do the same thing. I know lots of SAHM's. Most of my friends are SAHM's.

I am a SAHM with a 3 year old. DD doesn't go to school yet, so my days are filled with DD related activities, squeezing in a bit of housework, seeing friends/my mum/my sister.

My sister is a SAHM. Her DC are aged between 7 and 17. She does school drop off, walks the dog, volunteers 3 days a week at the school, sees friends and family, housework, is on the PTA, is on the governing body of the school, helps out friends alot. She also works p/t evenings. (I could easily be happy living like this, busy, lots of friends but always there for the DC)

Friend A is a SAHM, spends her days doing the school run, an OU degree, sees friends, and housework. (I'd find this rather boring tbh, but as someone else has said..horses for courses)

Friend B is a SAHM. Her DD gets herself up and off to school (14 years old). She gets up at leisure, and spends her days reading books and watches startrek on tv or listens to meatloaf on the stereo. Yes, she really does watch the same program every day and hasn't listened to anything but meatloaf for 20 years. Occasionally, she will see friends, probably about twice a week for an hour a time) Does minimum housework and cooks dinner for DD. (I'd go stark raving loony to live like this, but it's how she wants to live.)

Friend C is a SAHM to 2 DC. She drops the DC at school, then spends the day drinking tea with friends. After picking up her DC, she goes home and does her housework and dinner then.

When DD goes to school, I am looking forward to getting out of the house, either to go to college/uni or work. I am a people person and love to be out of the house. I also feel quite deflated if at the end of the day, I feel I have achieved nothing and every single day is exactly the same as the day before..the monotony would drive me insane.

There is nothing wrong with being a SAHM, but most of the SAHM's I know spend their lives watching tv, seeing friends, cooking and cleaning. I find that tedious and tiring.

The truth is that as a household, we have a higher income with me staying at home simply because doing so enables DH to do the job he does and earn the money he does. It's not about being a Stepford wife, it's about choosing the path that brings in the most money.

Oh and of course, the practicalities of four kids with a DH who works away and no family mean it's the right choice for us too!

The problem isn't that you asked a question, it's your condescending, sneery, 'what do they do all day?!' tone

If you are genuinely interested, think about how you come across.

There is nothing wrong with being a sahm and its really good for the children (I am a freelancer by the way - by choice - so I can at home with my kids)

QuietTiger my husband would sell his grandma if it meant he could buy a cherry picker. Do think they might be related?

Some choose to be a sahm because they have more than one child. Like to cook food, food shop, do washing, ironing, cleaning up without kids under their feet.

Personally I never want to go back to work. Okay I admit I miss the money but thats all. I have my own schedule and as long at my home is clean Im happy to be a SAHM.

Ha, you'll like this..... my sister in law hasn't worked for nigh on 15 years and they don't even have kids. He works full time, always has done.

...and she doesn't cook, or hoover, or dust. He does all that.

She is always busy though with her 'projects'.

Bet you really hate her.

FWIW my youngest is still at home with me so I never get bored, but he starts school next september...

I have absolutely no intention of getting a job, I want a rest. About 5 or six years should do it. Then I might start doing a bit of housework. Maybe.

There are not many jobs that are P\T and fit in with school hours. Hoorah for you then?
What about the sandwich SAHMs who have to look after elderly relatives as well?
It's not that simple

"I manage (jointly with DH) to get all the housework, cooking, diy, etc) done in the evenings & weekends, no problem."

we like to have our evenings and weekends free for quality time together as a family. I think it would be extremly unfair to go do the grocery on a weekend, or demand dh to share in anything domestic on an evening.

As loving the coast wrote, if I was working, DH wouldnt of been able to work as hard as he has, and become director of a very successful company in such a short time.

Erm, I have worked 24/7 every damn day of the year, with no holidays, breaks or sick pay. I'm going to damn well make the most of it now they are both in school.

That and, erm, school hours jobs are like gold dust round these parts. Employers actually have waiting lists of staff they already have waiting for school hours contracts, so they're hardly likely to start advertising any soon.

LOL fruitloafrocks Me too !

I'd call myself a SAHM as I do not work full time and I'm the one doing school drop off and collect.

Maybe I shouldn't as I do work part time largely in school hours but on a casual basis.

What else do I do ( after all work is nominally only 1.5 hours at lunchtime...) I run the house, grow lots of fruit and veg, make costumes for various things we do as a family, bake our bread and cakes, cook from scratch most days. DO the weekly shop. Make sure every one has clean dry clothes ( no tumble drier and its soggy part of the country). Go to the library. I knit , I help out at school, and at local events. Sometimes I go for a bike ride or a walk, just to keep fit and enjoy the area we live in.

We are not rolling in cash, we have enough to get by on. If I were to return to my "old job" I'd be back to freelance work anywhere in the UK, at short notice, long hours, we would have to own a second vehicle and I'd be having to sort out childcare from 8am - 7pm on an irregular short notice basis.

I have to say I often wondered the same thing until I became one myself. My life is a bit different to many people's in that DH works away at weekends and also some days during the week, so for me to work we would need to employ some kind of child-minder, which we would rather not do. It also means that I can't work weekends or evenings, which limits what I can do. I don't actually want a job, but it would be hard to find something that fits in around the school run.

By being at home, the DCs can have friends over after school, go to clubs etc which many of their friends with working parents can't.

During my time at home I have graduated with the OU, spent ridiculous amounts of time researching my family history and do voluntary work at my son's school and for the local elderly housebound.

As DH has time off during the week, I probably have half a day a week when I don't have anything "on" and I'm in the house alone. The time flies. I think everyone's different; I have a friend who's out of the house from 7 in the morning until 8 at night which I would hate so it's just horses for courses I suppose.

I consider myself very lucky to have a choice btw; I'm aware that many women don't.

Well, I am taking a few months as a SAHM to concentrate on relaxing and unwinding and regaining my health after being a single mum for nearly five years.

I am also in no hurry until I know whether or not my DD is going to improve behaviourally or whether we need to start looking at getting a diagnosis for her behavioural issues.

I have also just started counselling and a parenting course, to help with my own issues and my issues with my DDs behaviour.

I finally have some time to follow my own hobbies and I am also trying to set up a work from home hobby/business.

I go to a lot of hospital appointments for my kidney, rheumatic and mental health appointments. I have post-viral fatigue since my last kidney infection, so I spend a good portion of each day having a nap or I can't get through the afternoon school run.

I clean and enjoy it because I can do it as and when I like, with music blaring and no worries about my DD sneaking off and doing something naughty or dangerous.

I bake and cook, not just the same old, same old, but experimental and trying new things. I also can do things like make my own pasta sauces and bake my own bread, without feeling like there aren't enough hours in the day.

I read a lot, my new Kindle has seen to that.

I visit other mums or family.

I will be trying to include daily exercise from next week to help with weight loss and fitness.

I could just go on forever... I love being a SAHM. After feeling a bit like I lost my own identity and space six years ago, I am finally rediscovering me and my time. Yes, I am applying for jobs and will eventually work because I'll have to, but until that becomes completely necessary and whilst I have other quite pressing issues that I need time for, I'm going to sit back and enjoy it.