To wonder why anyone with school-aged children would want to be a SAHM?

[Badtasteflump]

And what they do all day?

I have my flame-proof hard-hat ready

In the spirit of the general shit-stirring on here today I though I would ask this - as I do really wonder. Fair enough when you have pre-school aged children, I can understand wanting to be a SAHM. But once your children are at school full-time, what is there to do all day?

I work PT (school hours, basically). I manage (jointly with DH) to get all the housework, cooking, diy, etc) done in the evenings & weekends, no problem. If I were at home all day I really think I would go a bit mad - either that or I fear I would gradually become relegated to the role of house-slave, doing all the housework and childcare myself because I wouldn't have the excuse of a 'proper' job. . .

huh? maybe i should read the thread

so how do you get the money? joint bank accounts? or your own hedge funds?

I must admit, as a teacher I was contributing something, however as a Marketing Director all I really did was help a very wealthy company make more money...I certainly wasn't curing cancer or making the world a better place.

Have not read the whole thread because as a WOHM I do not have time to read 19 pages

I would love to be a SAHM with all my heart and my dd is at school. As a teacher I get tempting bite sized chunks of being at home and it is when I at my happiest.

Even when dd is away my days are full, I cook proper meals frolm scratch, sew, knitm read books, study, do voluntary work, garden, bake, clean my home properly, keep on top of paperwork and at the end of the day I am not frazzled. We therefore have more sex, we chat as a family, play games, go out etc. I know that it is a luxury out of my reach.

I do wonder though having accepted that being a SAHM is actually a rather fabulous way to live do women not think that their husbands are missing out. For the past few years my dp has managed to work less and less as I have earned more and there are times when I feel resentful. He works from 9am until 3:15pm. During term time I start at 7:30 am and can often work until bed time stopping to eat or do a bit of housework ( dp does far more housework than me so I am not complaining about that). I would love more time to play with dd, walk the dog, go to a school play. watch her at horse riding. But it won't ever happen. I can't imagine how I would feel working long hours while dp had all the time in the world for dd and on top of that had time to go to the gym, read books in the afternoon or bake cakes. I think dp would also feel unomfortable in that situation.

Joint bank account. I shouldn't be here as dd is at home with me though, so I'm not really here!

I had a year of SAHM when DS2 started in reception. It was my 'gap year' TBH, I was bored shitless by the end of it.

Its not so much that I choose to be a stay at home mum, rather than it being about practicalities. We have no local support for sick children, holidays. The financial reality of a term time only, school hours job does not match the requirements for 3 junior age children.

I cant believe the hostility that SAHP are getting from some people.
I have one DC at school age and a toddler and although I'm not against working when both DC's are in school I dont think I would feel I HAD to get a job because other people would wonder what my contribution to society was!
What a horrible way to look at other parents.

Why not start a thread asking what working mums of school age children do all day (don't think the word "justify" has been used save for in your post CrackerFactory)? There'd be no "uproar" from me.

The world would be a poorer place if we didn't question and challenge each other. No-one is "attacking" anyone else on this thread, people are expressing differing opinions and revealing different motivations for living the life they do. Driving a feminist wedge between the two bodies of opinion here does women no favours either.

We have a joint bank account ( I work PT from home but consider myself a SAHM) DH couldn't earn the money without me so it is "joint". He appreciates what I do and I appreciate what he does. Are we alone in having this kind of partnersip? I think not.

I don't work pt, I SAHM pt - sadly though, my time is weighted more towards paid employment.

I do love my days off, but I do find them somewhat unnerving if I've nothing planned for the day. I'm sure though, that if I were a ft SAHM I would create a routine to my week.

If dh earned lots of money, and didn't mind me SAHMing, it would be great fun! My week would be something like this:

Monday: Riding, cooking
Tuesday: Piano lesson, reading, gym
Wednesday: Spanish lesson, cooking
Thursday: French lesson, reading, gym
Friday: Clothes shopping, cooking for dinner party guests

I think the acid test would be if I were to win the lottery, not that I've daydreamed about it a ridiculous number of times, of course! Because I don;t think I'd want to work. I'd become too de-motivated, which would be a shame because I actually get great satisfaction from my job.

Still, if anyone wished to bestow a few million upon me, I guess I'd be fairly interested in relieving their burden...

I'm really glad you manage to fit all your DIY, cooking, houswork etc into the evenings because, as well as that meaning that you are clearly very marvelous indeed, it also means that your poor children have a limited exposure to such a judgy mother.

People do it for all sorts of reasons ... not least, in many cases, that there is a recession out there/their husbands work away/they want to spend time with their children rather than be doing housework in the evenings and week-ends.

I don't think your life can really be all that brilliant, or you wouldn't post such a blinkered post OP.

Personally, I prefer to spend my evenings and weekends with my children so do the chores when they are not here. If anyone prefers to spend that time doing chores rather than with their children, that is their choice.

i do not really wonder why others want to but i know my 2 years of being a sahm was enough although i did always keep myself busy i got bored. i got bored of the people i mixed with too they were probably felt the same i like more diversity in my life

i study and work p/t over 4 days that is perfect for us

I don't think I am the only one to find this thread too judgmental in a derogatory way. I still have a pre-schooler at home and am considering what to do when the last one is at full time school, but I find currently my dcs seem to really need me when I pick them up from school and I suspect that is only going to continue, even more so as they get older. So if I do return to work I will be lookiing for school hours which I gather is not easy. But to be made to feel as if a sahm does not contribute to society and sets a bad example to her dds is insulting and upsetting, and I believe untrue. But maybe when I do finally have a little time on my hands I will see the point to this thread.

Plus, lots of people get rejected from part-time school holidays jobs for being over-qualifed OP.

So it got me thinking. That's all. Why are you all so angry and bitter about me asking? er, for the same reason it would piss you off is someone were to say to you that you were being an inadequate mother for being out at work.

" ...that is perfect for us"

And that little snippet is the whole point.

I have absolutely no hang ups about my other half earning our money and me not working.

We have just set up our own business which I don't really have much to do with at the moment as by taking care of the kids/house/other stuff I enable my DP to work all the hours he can at making the business a success. I may become more involved in it as the kids get older but only if necessary (to keep costs down or if short staffed etc).

Our industry is very seasonal, he works fucking, crazy hours April to October, then very little November to March. During this time my DP doesn't get bored and feel the need to get 'a job' to justify his existence, we're too busy living... spending time with each other and our boys.

We're hoping that he/we can make enough money from this to have a more relaxed, family orientated way of life (well, for at least 5 months of the year anyway!).

My DP is happy working, I'm happy not. We both want each other to be happy so there is no issue.

I wouldn't have the excuse of a 'proper' job. . .

Not sure whether to laugh or cry at that really...
I can think of many, many things I'd do as SAHM with children at school.

I have a 'proper' job because I need money and have the skills to earn it, but I'm happy to say that for all that I haven't been so drawn into bullying pseudo-feminist notions, nor have I lost my imagination so much that paid work has become some form of self-justification. I don't see that other people (female or male) need to justify or distract themselves with paid work either, if they're in a position where they don't need to...

Are there other things you need to talk about, OP (and kessaya) ?

I'm not sure I was contributing much to society as a Banker for 20 years.

The only thing I contributed to was my bank account.

I had no time for anything other than my job which although technically 9 to 5 actually required me to work from 8am to 8,9,10pm or later.

There was no way I was ever going to be able to see my children and hold down that job.I would have needed a live in Nanny to cover the childcare.

As a SAHM I am free to do voluntary work in the local community. I have helped run a mother and toddler group for the past few years and from next term once I'm CRB checked I will be helping at the school.

I wonder how our local school would function without the SAHMs ( and the p/t workers) who come in and help with swimming, help in the classroom, help on school trips and with fund raising etc.

Wow! Defensive much SAHMs?! I didn't call anyone a 'kept woman' I just asked why people don't feel guilty when they are filling their time with hobbies/coffee/instructingshagging the gardener while their husbands are working? It wasn't an attack, it was a genuine question. And NO i didn't have time (evening meeting) to read through all the thread to find your comprehensive answers Jillysnooper.
Personally it doesn't sit right with me. DH earns over double what I do but I like to know my contribution to our lives is more than washing/ironing/collecting children/booking appointments. That's just me though. I like to feel worth while and doing those things while necessary aren't challenging enough for me. I do like to use my brain (and it is a lovely one, thanks) and get outside of the school mum circle. When I look back on my life I know I will have made a difference both to my family and to other people (through my job and the voluntary work I do).

I have a friend who is a SAHM who doesn't work. She has a cleaner/gardener/ironing service but she is very content to spend her time socialising and shopping. In a funny way I do envy her contentment with that life but it is not for me.

I couldn't stomach life as a SAHM, you couldn't stomach mine, c'est la vie.

The acid lottery test- well I would start a charity mentoring carers with autistic children through teh diagnosis period.

Kinda what I try and do in RL unpiad but wider.

So not a huge change.

i get my children to do the chores soupy

Oh and I work PT btw so I get the best of both world IMO. I really appreciate my days off now as opposed to wondering how to fill the day without spending money because we didn't have the £££ because I wasn't working!

at SEA's 'housekeeping' comment! Of course we have a joint bank account as we are a partnership and as I said, me being at home is required for him to do the job he does and earn the money he does. If I worked, he couldn't possibly put in those hours, spend overnights in London and weeks in The States both of which are necessary for him to command the salary he does. Therefore, despite the idea being ridiculed earlier on the thread that SAHP are worth X amount, in our case that is true.

He will freely admit that he can only do it because he knows childcare and stuff are sorted and he knows they are safe and that someone is there if they are ill. Yet, if I wanted to work he'd back down and do less as he doesn't view me as being 'support staff' to him. He sees what we have as an equal partnership with my rights and responsibilities being equal to his. We have jointly made a decision which best suits our family.

As for what I do all day? Yes, some days are just filled with school runs and washing. On others I see friends, read, volunteer in a school (not my DCs) and make sure all the little things are taken care of such as haircuts for kids and dental trips and new shoes. It also means the kids can have more playdates and most crucial of all is probably that when they are ill, someone is there. I have 4, one in nursery, so illness is relatively high. I was a teacher before so no chance of taking annual leave or working from home when kids are sick.

Also, I actually think they need me more since starting school than they did when they were little.

But, Giganticus, as I said, I do feel like I am contributing financially because he can only earn what he does because I SAH. He's a lawyer for an investment bank. He couldn't possibly do that job and go swaning off across The Pond so often if he thought I was also devoting so much time to my career.