To wonder why anyone with school-aged children would want to be a SAHM?

[Badtasteflump]

And what they do all day?

I have my flame-proof hard-hat ready

In the spirit of the general shit-stirring on here today I though I would ask this - as I do really wonder. Fair enough when you have pre-school aged children, I can understand wanting to be a SAHM. But once your children are at school full-time, what is there to do all day?

I work PT (school hours, basically). I manage (jointly with DH) to get all the housework, cooking, diy, etc) done in the evenings & weekends, no problem. If I were at home all day I really think I would go a bit mad - either that or I fear I would gradually become relegated to the role of house-slave, doing all the housework and childcare myself because I wouldn't have the excuse of a 'proper' job. . .

DH works all day because it's fun for him; he studies FT as well as cudln;t kep going otherwise. After a redundancy in a job he hated he decided to go back and qualify in the field he adores.

He'd also be shit at coping with 3 asd kids and one with all manner of lesser stuff as well. He's the type who gets immersed in stuff and it would not suit him.

AS other people said, DH adn I are a team. For a while he was ill and he took six months unpaid leave to recover on medical advice, I kept us afloat s best I could with 2 jobs. That ws fine, I got a real rush out of that- aa different one but not a lesser one than I get with the boys. Next phase will probably be with us both working PT, perhaps self employed depensing on what's available. But every step a team: I think divorce rates in famillies with one disabled kid are 80%, with our lot anything other than a team would have collapsed years ago.

Also- I mentioned earlier I used to be a charity manager- well my role was to train and manage volunteers who went into situations (alongside laods of other stuff). Without SAHMs we'd have not been able to provide that service: one that at the time was shown to save SSD £80 for every £8 spent, and one that kept children with famillies and intact. That's a very real and very financially valid contribution. Likewise meals on wheels etc.

Another example of societies materlialism

One is only worthy based on their weight in gold

Because actually, Giganticus, it's not about being a "kept woman" it's about working in a partnership.

If I put it like this, what would you think?

My DH works all the hours in the week, getting up at 6am and often working until 10pm, 7days a week. I'm at home most of the day and if I'm not at home, I'm out shopping or doing other things. Money is not an issue - if I want something, I buy it. I go on weekend breaks when I want, and 2 holidays a year. Makes me sound like a spoiled bitch, right?

My reality, is that DH is a farmer, farming a very large arable/mix farm on his own. He doesn't have time to do the farm admin, because he's too busy doing the practical farming. There is a LOT of legistlative admin, as well as the farm finances/bill paying/booking vets/general office admin etc that needs to be managed, as well as stuff like going to the bank, going to feed suppliers, collecting farm equipment and generally running a business. That's my job. As well as making sure food is on the table so that DH can come in and eat when he's knackered, keeping the house clean, doing the laundry, staying on top of the personal admin and managing the "domestic" animals along with their with vets appointments etc and generally "supporting" DH, so that he can be effective and have a quality of life. Not quite such a spoiled bitch now, eh?

The upside of my lifestyle, is that I can do what I want, when I want. Yesterday, I spent 2 hours playing with my horses. Today I had the time to go to the chiropractor and then go swimming, and tomorrow I am meeting a friend for lunch. Being SAH, doesn't mean that DH works so I don't have to. It means that I have a lifestyle that I enjoy and like and is actually stress free, because I am happy. I suspect that is the same for a lot of SAHM's.

quiettiger

Beautifully put.

My mum was a SAHM all the way through. I never ever saw her with a job.

Younger children, fine. Want to come home to mummy in the afternoo, need alot of care, get ill frequently.

Older children: different story.

By the time I was a teenager, I wished she would get the F out of my face. She wouldn't let me alone. Even when doing my a-levels at 16-18 when I didn't have to be out of bed early to go to a class, she wouldn't let me sleep in. Without fail, she's in my room in the morning, get up, GET. OUT. OF. BED! Dragging covers off. Then she wouldn't let me alone in the house. Wouldn't leave me to my own devices in the house.

As teenagers we had to do out own chores and laundry. What the F did she do? She needed a job.

Puts on flame retardant clothing.

Actually, if I do get to the top of the allotment list, can I justify hiring a gardener? They seem terribly popular on this thread...

Aldiwhore - he may not be bored with 2 sheep and a cat, Lady Chatterleys wasn't!

I wouldm't be bored if I stayed at home while the kids were at school - no way - but I would feel that it was pretty foul of me to be lolling around pursuing hobbies and taking bubble baths while DH had to work full time. It would be taking the piss.

I work PT (school hours, basically).

that just about covers it - why only part time and why school hours?

Why don't you work shifts or full time OP? Other mothers and fathers do and they do it alone without a partner to help or assist them so why not you?

why would you not want to be a lady of leisure? am assuming you have fingers? and your clitoris works? the hours fly by...

i'm not actually a SAHM but i work evenings and weekends so i could well be overheard moaning about heading back to do some housework if chatting to one of the mums at nursery.

Quite right QuietTiger. The largest contribution I can make to my family is to ensure me and my DH are happy. And I was happy for a long time being a SAHM.

Money is not an issue - if I want something, I buy it. I go on weekend breaks when I want, and 2 holidays a year. Makes me sound like a spoiled bitch, right?

Bitch no. Not at all.

Spoiled.... maybe. Sounds like a life style some people can only dream of even if they do have to do all the farm admin and keep house too.

A1980.

No, she didnt need a job, she needed to back off.

Without doubt the most neurotic, overprotective and inyerface mother I have ever known ( to the point where her kids can barely cope with anything) is a full time working mother.

How you are as a parent WRT to cottonwoolling has nothing whatsoever to do with having a paid job or not.

Mercy - it would feel like that if your DH did not enjoy his job.

The comments about the husbands going out to work all day so that we can be SAHMs makes me laugh. MY DH seems to spend most of his working days playing golf, clay pigeon shooting,watching cricket in executive boxes or being wined and dined in various expensive London restaurants. It's a hard life! He tells everyone that he has the better deal.

Also the reason I can afford to be a SAHM isn't all down to him. I had a successful career in the city for 20 years and when I left my job I was able to pay off most of our mortgage from my savings.

A1980 those of us who have that lifestyle often do so because we have spent years working together to get there, making sacrifices, working long hours both of us and then one of us choosing to take on an unpaid role to support the other.

Mumleigh yup.
DH has just phoned me from his 5 star in Hawaii

oh piss off

I can think of loads I would do

Read, write, exercise, socialise, voluntary work, walk, listen to music, cook, bake, garden, home keeping etc

What a terrible imagination you must have or a dull inner life

Mercy my DH has plenty of time to do his own hobbies - which take a lot of time - he doesn't need to do his ironing or do 50% of the housework at weekends - fortunately he shares his hobby with our DS so they can spend lots of quality time together .......... I don't think I'm taking the piss at all. If you can manage financially what is the point of both of you being stressed out working for a living?

Its a lifestyle choice....... that I am lucky enought to be able to do

I like being the one picking DS up from school. WE have a lovely relaxed dinner together, plenty of time to do homework etc and escort him to
his various social events!

when i was working , it felt like being on a constant treadmill, with no time to stop and enjoy life

I have time for my partner, parents, friends and most importantly me (and no guilt)

In terms of what i do:- work out, cook nice meals, shop, spend time with friends, volunteer, walk dog, drink coffee, potter, garden, ride horses, get nails done, massage, attend active start at school, cover school hols...and thats a monday covered

What poor, Put upon men we have. Bless 'em

Spoiled.... maybe. Sounds like a life style some people can only dream of even if they do have to do all the farm admin and keep house too.

A1980 I'm very lucky to have that lifestyle, but as Jilly says, it is never handed on a plate, it's usually because long term hard graft has been involved from both partners (unless you're a footballers WAG). There is always some sort of "payoff" for the life style, it's never the "ideal dream".