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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why anyone with school-aged children would want to be a SAHM?

1006 replies

Badtasteflump · 22/09/2011 13:43

And what they do all day?

I have my flame-proof hard-hat ready Grin

In the spirit of the general shit-stirring on here today I though I would ask this - as I do really wonder. Fair enough when you have pre-school aged children, I can understand wanting to be a SAHM. But once your children are at school full-time, what is there to do all day?

I work PT (school hours, basically). I manage (jointly with DH) to get all the housework, cooking, diy, etc) done in the evenings & weekends, no problem. If I were at home all day I really think I would go a bit mad - either that or I fear I would gradually become relegated to the role of house-slave, doing all the housework and childcare myself because I wouldn't have the excuse of a 'proper' job. . .

OP posts:
Mishy1234 · 22/09/2011 17:21

Are you kidding? I'd have a lovely time indulging in my hobbies, seeing friends etc.

Never going to happen for me, but I don't begrudge those who can (ok, maybe I'm a little jealous...).

Catslikehats · 22/09/2011 17:21

And riven I agree. i have a friend who is a SAHD whilst his partner earns the big bucks and he is generally treated as if he split the atom and created world peace simultaneously on a wet and windy wednesday afternoon Hmm

QuietTiger · 22/09/2011 17:22

I'm going to chuck the cat amongst the pigeons and cause a bit more friction on the thread... Grin

I can top Jilly and Pag and the other SAHP on the thread...

I'm SAH and I don't have children (yet).

I'm far too busy to go out to work. Grin

Pagwatch · 22/09/2011 17:24

I am now worrying that we are be horrid and sexist to gardeners and recalling that a lovely mumsnetter is married to the very nice and non-gigilo man who remodelled my garden

AuntieMonica · 22/09/2011 17:25

i could be horrid and sexy with a gardener Grin

oh, that's not what you said, was it Pag

hey-ho

Kladdkaka · 22/09/2011 17:27

I am moving to Sweden forthwith - I am particularly taken by Bjorn although the other two would do in a pinch

It terrible here, honestly, you just don't know where to look. Tall, blond, blue eyed viking men all over the place. I don't have time to work!

Pagwatch · 22/09/2011 17:27

It will do auntie. Close enough....

Pagwatch · 22/09/2011 17:29

You're killing me Kladdakaka.

chickydoo · 22/09/2011 17:29

I work because I have to, have 3 school age kids, am home between 3pm-7pm for them.
work each evening from 7.30-10.30, and for 5 hours each day. 10.00am-2.00pm (and on Sunday's)
God how I would love to work less!! DH leaves the house at 7.30am, is home at 8.00pm. I only see him for 30 mins B4 bed everyday. I do 100% of housework, gardening, shopping, cooking DIY etc etc.
I would love to work maybe 2 days a week & be a sahm for the rest. those of you who can afford to stay at home, have nice things, eat well etc are very fortunate, good on you! I would not be bored for one second, my dream is to start new hobbies, have time for friends, decorate my house, have a clear out, watch movies I have never seen. Enjoy being at home, you never know when your luck might change!

QuietTiger · 22/09/2011 17:29

I've got a game-keeper, but don't have a gardener (unless you count DH).

AuntieMonica - I can lend you my game keeper if you like, he's very nice, very good looking and he trains guide dogs in his spare time... if Pag is worried about her gardener, so to speak...

Kladdkaka · 22/09/2011 17:32

why 3 gardeners? Is it an enormous garden?

It's the kommun's elite gardening squad. Blink and you miss them.

(provided because disability prevents us doing it ourselves)

GiganticusBottomus · 22/09/2011 17:33

I was unemployed last year (for the first time). I felt guilty when dh was going to work whilst I was having coffee with friends, watching t.v, indulging in hobbies etc. Do none of you feel like that? Why should your dh work all day, every day so you don't have to?

I am working part time now and I enjoy using my brain again - which I wasn't doing last year. I'm also enjoying the extra £ Smile

Bunbaker · 22/09/2011 17:34

"The phrase "home making" makes me want to vomit chintz."

Here's a sick bucket then. Some women actually enjoy running a home. What is wrong with that? Why is having a full time job considered more worthy?

"All I was asking was what people do when they are at home all day once their children are at school"

You should read all the replies. You are mistakenly assuming that SAHMs actually stay in the house all day. Most of them don't. What don't you get about that?

Riveninabingle · 22/09/2011 17:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HerdOfTinyElephants · 22/09/2011 17:38

It's bloody difficult to find a school hours only job.

I am probably going to become a SAHM now we have DC3. I doubt that when she starts school there will be a long queue of employers snaking up to my front door.

Assuming that we can afford it, I am hoping to get involved with helping with reading at the school (was always at work before and now have baby), help out with PTA (children will Probably be at a couple of different schools by then, so there will be plenty of opportunities), maybe get involved with some of the DCs' extracurricular activities, do some volunteering for the charities I support, and I would really like to learn (a) a foreign language and (b) BSL properly. I suppose the BSL might lead to another career eventually but you're looking at around six years' training to become a qualified interpreter. And it's possible that by then I'll have got to the top of the incredibly long allotment waiting list.

If we can't afford it I shall have to try to find a job, obviously.

Kladdkaka · 22/09/2011 17:38

Why should your dh work all day, every day so you don't have to?

For the same reasons I wash and iron his work shirts and cook his dinner and maintain his garden with a bit of help, so he doesn't have to. Simples.

GetAwayFromHerYouBitch · 22/09/2011 17:39

It took me a few years to fully embrace being a SAHM, but then I did, for 10 years. All the things many of you have said applied to me. I loved it and was very happy.

And then I was feeling bored, and was lucky and persistent enough to get a poorly paid, but fulfilling holy-grail term-time job and am still very happy.

I do notice that my DCs are pulling their weight a bit more now, but that's my own silly fault for not insisting on it before (easier to just tidy up after they went to school)

perfumedlife · 22/09/2011 17:40

I sense this is the feminist sticking point. It seems SAHM are letting the cause down, by not doing the same as men. Until 'womens work' is totally defeminised, and all kids brought up in creches/after school clubs, this one will rumble on.

Love how the op was careful to note she manages all the housework/cooking etc (jointly with dh) Important we know that the split is strictly 50/50 in her domain.

mumblemumblethump · 22/09/2011 17:40

Kessaya
if that is what you really think, I feel sorry for you. You obviously have been brainwashed into thinking that unless you get paid for a job, you are crap woman who contributes nothing to society, and is letting down all the 'feminists' who work so hard at 'proper jobs'! Hmm
My DS is still little and I will be staying at home when the next baby arrives.

I am degree educated, but had no desire to sprint up the career ladder. My DH and I work together as a team. We hold no grudges against each other, and contribute to our life as a family equally. Albeit in different ways.

(only the occasional who is more tired argument) GrinWink

I am really angry at your idea that if you are a feminist, you should be out at work full time, because you are lazy if you stay at home.That is NOT equality.

JillySnooper · 22/09/2011 17:42

" Guilty"

Aaaaaannnnnd BINGO!

I do believe that's a full house! Grin

Giganticus, do be a dear and use that lovely brain of yours and read the thread. Therein you will find that lots of us have told you, quite eloquently and at length, why we don't feel guilt.

NinkyNonker · 22/09/2011 17:44

Absolutely, embrace feminism and act like a man. Obviously.

aldiwhore · 22/09/2011 17:44

I just do not see the problem in anyone not working if they're costing no one else.

If someone is well off (or can afford to SAH) then why the hell not?? I just don't get why it annoys some people so much.

quiettiger I'd love a game keeper, but I feel they'd be bored with two sheep and a cat.

OriginalPoster · 22/09/2011 17:45

I want to know what the op does when she's not working? Does she suffer from existential angst as she is not 'contributing' ££££££ ?

You don't get a medal when you die (and you don't know when you will) for being richer or more famous than anyone else.

My aim in life is to squeeze as much enjoyment out of every moment and be someone who makes other people happy too. Whether that involves earning money or not is no ones' business.

I want to live my life so that if if I get ill, or someone close to me does, I have no regrets about what I've done or said or how I've spent my time.

SAHMs (Spend All His MoneyGrin) and WOHM are not a different species, many have done both, at different times for different reasons.

GetAwayFromHerYouBitch · 22/09/2011 17:45

Giganticus - I felt guilty when I was a SAHM to pre-school children. Then I realised how bloody marvellous I was for putting up with the little buggers 24/7 so decided I needed a reward after that.

GetAwayFromHerYouBitch · 22/09/2011 17:46

Giganticus - I felt guilty when I was a SAHM to pre-school children. Then I realised how bloody marvellous knackered I was for after putting up with the little buggers 24/7 so decided I needed a reward after that.

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