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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep 4yo DS off school for my 40th birthday?

268 replies

cadifflur · 21/09/2011 11:55

DS has just started reception class and we're keeping him off school for 3 days as we're going away this weekend, get back Monday, then Tues it's my birthday. Am I being ridiculous to worry about keeping him off school for 3 days so early in the new school year? He's settled in ok and really seems to enjoy learning, gets a little bit clingy when I drop him off but soon settles once I've gone. We just thought we'd keep him off for my birthday too as there are many years ahead now when he'll be in school for it. DH is off for the day and we'll be going out for lunch with DD (2yo) and other family. AIBU to keep him off school for the day or is this ok?

OP posts:
doinmybest · 21/09/2011 13:23

YANBU - I would

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 21/09/2011 13:25

Quint hugs to you!! My MIL has severe alzheimers and it is very sad to see. She asked DS the other week what his name was :( . When he was at pre-school they told me I should put him in every day as he was due to start school as one of the youngest...I refused to as my MIL used to look after him once a week and I didnt want to break that up - and I am so glad that I did now. Like your kids, DS is never scared of my MIL (she looks quite scary too and sadly she smells most of the time), he never questions what has happened to her, he still accepts her as nanny and just knows she has a poorly brain.

HarlotOTara · 21/09/2011 13:32

Do it and have a wonderful time, a couple of days here and there is not going to make any difference and with your dad's alzheimers and your 40th I think you should go and have a great lunch.

MordechaiVanunu · 21/09/2011 13:33

OP it seems to be a 50/50 spilt which is unusual for AIBU.

So just pick your side and go with it. It's not a crucial decision either way, but you did ask for opinions!

LeninGrad · 21/09/2011 13:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rebecca41 · 21/09/2011 13:39

I'm surprised at the strength of feeling of the people who think YABU.

I certainly don't, I think it's fine. It's only reception - hardly setting a precedent for the rest of his education!

My DS is a late-August birthday, so I deferred his school entry for a whole term. Many people warned me against this dire course of action - he wouldn't have friends, who wouldn't catch up etc etc. In fact he made friends instantly, and held his own academically without difficulty. Now in year 2 he is doing very well, and I can say with absolute certainty that he has no memory of missing the first term, and I doubt any of the other children remember either. So it certainly didn't "condition" him to think school was something to be missed on a whim.

This is RECEPTION - it's not GCSEs or even year 1.

Lighten up everyone, he's 4 years old, let him have a nice lunch with his family! The whole event will be forgotten by kids and school the following week.

aldiwhore · 21/09/2011 13:53

YANBU. Happy Birthday!

BimboNo5 · 21/09/2011 13:55

LOL jealous because someone thinks the world stops for a birthday lunch?
I wont be at all jealous when my kids get above average attendence because I dont keep them off to fawn over me and my birthday like a big child. They dont even get kept off on their own birthdays.

WhereTheWildThingsWere · 21/09/2011 14:08

Okay hun.

Everlong · 21/09/2011 14:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

aldiwhore · 21/09/2011 14:12

I take the full 10 days of authorised absense per year, the head has no problem either, and my eldest has above average attendence!

There is a responsibility on the parent though, to make sure that work is up to date...

Mumwithadragontattoo · 21/09/2011 14:14

Sorry I think YABU. What you do now in the early days is going to impact on how your DS views school. If he thinks he doesn't have to go for trivial reasons then he is not going to take it seriously in the long run.

Also agree that these early days are crucial for making friends and settling down. You should plan on him not being available during school hours save for the most exceptional of reasons.

hopenglory · 21/09/2011 14:42

Picking up on what Dandy said, many schools have reluctantly adopted a policy to allow 10 days of authorised absence, because unauthorised absence has a far more significant effect on their OFSTED and triggers attention from the Local Authority.

Parents will take their children out regardless of whether the absence is authorised or not and for unauthorised attendance the school are effectively penalised by being unable to achieve appropriate levels of attendance, which has an effect on achievement.

Our school does not allow the discretionary 10 days - we've got 150 pupils, if all the parents were to take their 'entitlement' then that's 1500 days of learning over the year that will have to be made up.

ByTheWay · 21/09/2011 14:52

And there was me sweating over asking permission to take my daughter out for a couple of hours to do a secondary school open day - before her options need to be in. For us as a family, attendance at school is NON-NEGOTIABLE - has been from the start. Other than illness they don't get to skip school. I guess truancy is what it is called only when it's not mumsnetters.... Shock

The UP-TO 10 days authorised per year are not an entitlement - they are there for emergencies.

NinkyNonker · 21/09/2011 15:05

Blimey, he's only 4!! Do it. Results are what matter, not 'above average attendance'...at 4 you have a little time to worry about results. (I speak as a teacher.)

Gubbins · 21/09/2011 15:12

I'm generally anti keeping children off school for anything other than illness, but wouldn't usually feel strongly enough to comment on it if someone else chose to do it. But I do think that it would be a bad idea this early in his first term. At this point in their reception year a lot of children will be finding it unsettling to go back to school on a Monday, let alone after a lengthy period like this. (and yes, 5 days is lengthy to a four year old.) I'm amazed at all the 'It's only reception' comments. It's Reception and he's only 3 weeks into it! This is the most important half term of his school career, he'll be starting to get his head around the way things work and gaining confidence in his new situation, and then you'll whisk him out for a lunch that could easily wait til the following weekend. You're 40. You should be able to cope with delayed gratification by this age.

catsrus · 21/09/2011 15:18

I have a friend in her mid 70's - a retired teacher - who constantly tells me how appalled she is at the way in which parents are being demonized for taking children out of school occasionally.

She and her siblings were taken out of school for up to 2 weeks a year for the family holiday because her dad ( a night watchman) had no options over when he took holidays - they were given dates by management and had to fit around them. They all continued in their education, she became a teacher and likewise all during the 70's - 80's taught in schools where kids were taken out for holidays during term because parents didn't have any option. I remember being taken out for a week (late 60's) when my dad had to take his holiday during school term - I went on to get a PhD.

It's the overall attitude to education which counts, not the number of days you are there. Common sense seems to have gone out of the window on this one and people have been sucked into some alternate universe where the only thing that matters is bums on seats, not the people who own the bums!

take him out and have a wonderful day, take lots of photos so that when his GF is long gone you can talk together about the lovely time you had on your birthday.

Springyknickersohnovicars · 21/09/2011 15:23

The child's life chances will be ruined, you've destroyed their chance of a university education.

Seriously have a good time

catsrus · 21/09/2011 15:28
Biscuit

my DCs have spent their school career coming home and saying "Miss X says this is the most important year of our school lives" it got to the point where we eagerly anticipated each new teacher coming out with it - along with "these are the most important exams you will have to take".

Education is vitally important, a healthy love of learning is one of the best gifts you can give your children - but fgs don't buy into the con that schooling is the same as education.

GenevieveHawkings · 21/09/2011 15:36

"We just thought we'd keep him off for my birthday too as there are many years ahead now when he'll be in school for it."

So fucking what?!!

Are you really that juvenile and self-absorbed?

BimboNo5 · 21/09/2011 15:44

Sadly there will also be many years when he is school for his own birthday too. Unless he is lucky and has a summer holiday birthday like I did!

MollyTheMole · 21/09/2011 15:44

yanbu

isnt 'school' at 4 just potato printing and tracing your name anyway?

Have a lovely day to remember Smile

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 21/09/2011 15:46

Molly - it's all licking and sticking in reception, thats how I say it :)

fruitloafrocks · 21/09/2011 16:07

I've just booked a holiday for my family at end of Jan which means 5 days off for my Y1 son. Then I read this thread and you're getting a flaming for a day. Oh dear. I am clearly very irresponsible.

YDNBU

Lotkinsgonecurly · 21/09/2011 16:17

Take him out of school they really won't mind. Just let the school know before hand as a courtesy. Just picked dd up at lunchtime today as she's just started in reception and was a bit tired this morning so took her home after lunch. Mentioned it this morning, they really don't mind.

Enjoy your day / weekend