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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To keep 4yo DS off school for my 40th birthday?

268 replies

cadifflur · 21/09/2011 11:55

DS has just started reception class and we're keeping him off school for 3 days as we're going away this weekend, get back Monday, then Tues it's my birthday. Am I being ridiculous to worry about keeping him off school for 3 days so early in the new school year? He's settled in ok and really seems to enjoy learning, gets a little bit clingy when I drop him off but soon settles once I've gone. We just thought we'd keep him off for my birthday too as there are many years ahead now when he'll be in school for it. DH is off for the day and we'll be going out for lunch with DD (2yo) and other family. AIBU to keep him off school for the day or is this ok?

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 21/09/2011 13:00

Re. Your dd telling him all about it - until your two year old starts school herself this is going to happen ALL THE TIME, unless you plan to do nothing with her during the school day that he might find out about and get jealous of... Totally unworkable. YABU.

CaptainNancy · 21/09/2011 13:01

I can't quite decide if YABU or YANBU; I just cannot comprehend taking your child out of school to celebrate your birthday Confused, nor for a weekend away tbh- we're having a weekend away too, but we'll go Saturday morning, and return Sunday evening, y'know- during the actual weekend.

I realise at 4 he doesn't have to be in school, but most schools don't have staggered intake any more, so in all likelihood he would be in school anywhere by now.

I just think it gives the wrong message to children about the importance of education.

GingerWrath · 21/09/2011 13:02

My dd missed 2 weeks of reception class quite close to the beginning of term last year when my Dad died suddenly (we live a good 5 hours away), I had to take her out to help with all the arrangements.

It has done her no harm whatsoever.

As has been said already, at 4 he doesn't legally have to be in school. If the school knows and they are happy with it, the odd day won't matter!

QuickLookBusy · 21/09/2011 13:04

YANBU

You must have all been through an awful time, as your Fil has recently died, so you should all have a family holiday.
I would let him be off for the lunch also. You can make sure he understands it is because a 40th birthday is very special, so he doesn't expect anyone else's bday off.

Hope you enjoy your holiday and birthday!

cadifflur · 21/09/2011 13:05

I'm sorry that people think that by replying I'm disagreeing with those who are against this, - I'm honestly not. I wanted opinions and I've had them. I seriously didn't think it was such a big deal, but as I've said above, maybe I will reconsider given that there is such negativity about what I'm doing. The reason I've replied to posts where people have commented or asked questions is because i've seen posts where the OP is slated for not returning when people have disagreed with them. I was quite prepared for some people to tell me they think I'm wrong, which is why I asked this here and not in the education thread.

But FWIW BimboNo5, your 12.48 thread is really just nasty. We're not the bisto family by any stretch of the imagination. Mum is 67, Dad is 75, so neither of them work, therefore I don't think it's unusual for them to want to see one of their children on her birthday. There won't be show stopping gifts, we're not a particularly wealthy family, just an average family, struggling to get by financially like most families these days. Gifts tend to comprise of CDs, bubble bath, books, chocolates etc. we just happen to be averagely close to our family and like to celebrate birthdays together if we can.

I'm sorry if I've given the impression of being a prima donna who expects the world to stop for my birthday, I genuinely don't. I'd be quite happy to pootle about with DD for the day, but DH and Dsis have taken the day off as both are off for the weekend, so thought they might as well make a long weekend of it. I really didn't mean to sound nauseating like I would be basking in everybody's attention. Reality is mum is diabetic, so will moan about the menu not having things on it like she cooks at home, Dad will talk over everybody, ask the same question ten times, and DD will want to run around the place as soon as she's finished her lunch. But that's my family. Definitely not bisto as all. Nowhere near perfect. Apologies though, I do love them.

OP posts:
redskyatnight · 21/09/2011 13:06

On the basis you are taking him out of school for 2 days anyway, a third day is not going to make a great deal of difference in terms of unsettling him. You should definitely expect him to take the rest of the week to "re-settle" in though.

But ... it seems very indulgent to take him out for your birthday. Why couldn't you do a birthday tea instead, so he could join in without missing school?

MordechaiVanunu · 21/09/2011 13:06

It won't matter, but it just seems a really indulgent reason.

Like taking him to go to the fair, or the cinema or something else nice but you automatically do it out of school time once they start school.

Sirzy · 21/09/2011 13:07

Does the meal really have to be on your birthday though? can it not be done the weekend after? Or even early evening after school?

We always do meals for family birthdays but we have always worked them around school

ShirelyKnottage · 21/09/2011 13:08

Don't worry about it OP - it's Verboten on MN to ever want to celebrate your birthday, or moan about not getting a present from your husband or generally being a normal human being who would like to have a bit of attention now and again ON YOUR BIRTHDAY. Ha!

Enjoy your weekend and enjoy being around your loved ones.

DandyLioness · 21/09/2011 13:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrsbabookaloo · 21/09/2011 13:10

OP you really shouldn't have to apologise and explain about getting your family together for your 40th! Bimbo's post was frankly baffling; maybe she needs a cup of tea and a hug from someone in her family....

As for everyone's very rigid reactions about this when your ds is FOUR, I'm amazed. I'll be taking dd out of school for the day this year and every year for Thanksgiving as DH is american and it's a family day. So put that it your pipe and smoke it.

QuickLookBusy · 21/09/2011 13:12

Agree with you Shirely.

Think a few people might be a tad jealous overreacting.

worraliberty · 21/09/2011 13:12

We're the Aunt Bessie family here

I want to lock them all in the freezer Grin

Quintessentialist · 21/09/2011 13:12

Yanbu.

Building lasting memories together with a loved family member who has Alzheimers is more important than that one day in schoold, in my book. But I dont think many will disagree.

My mum is now in a nursing home, she has been out of the family home since January when I sadly had to have her sectioned. My sons (9 and 6) love her very much, and now that she is in a different world, really cherish the time they got to spend with her, and can laugh at their memories of tricking grandma to give them pudding several times in a visit, because she did not remember they had been offered any, etc.

The close bonds means they are not scared, and dont shy away from her. Even if she has a doll she calls Robert, which she feeds and cuddles and believe to be her son, and that she is in a single mum who has a live in workplacement in a hospits, and that I am her sister not her daughter.
We are now building other memories and getting to know her again. Usually my oldest take her baby on the lap and they cuddle up alltogether looking at photos, and my mum is so chuffed my boys are so loving to her baby.

So go ahead and enjoy your 40th! Smile

marge2 · 21/09/2011 13:14

YABU. School is not optional once you have started, not even for birthdays. It will show you in a very poor light to your DC's teacher too.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 21/09/2011 13:15

Yeah, dont explain OP, Bimbo just made herself sound very bitter and jealous TBH, I think its lovely of DH to have the day off too!

cadifflur · 21/09/2011 13:16

Now I am going to disappear and not reply anymore. I accept both sides of this and we might reconsider. I genuinely didn't think it was a big deal at this stage, but wondered what people thought. Now that it seems such a no no, maybe we'll re-jig things. It's literally our first hol since honeymoon Dec2005, so not likely to happen again anytime soon. From now on, hols wouldn't be in term time, we just didn't think it would be so bad as it's just a long weekend. - He wouldn't really be aware he's missing school as he knows he stays home mostly when Dad is off. The only reason we thought to keep him off my birthday is because we're all off for the weekend anyway. No, we don't have any intention of ever keeping them off for their own birthdays. (altho highly likely both half term).

Sorry that my wording of my posts seems to have provoked such strong reactions from people, just hoping there's not a lobby at the school gates against me this afternoon now!

Thanks for all your replies. But genuinely, I've got the message Grin. No need for anymore insults thanks.

OP posts:
TapselteerieO · 21/09/2011 13:16

I think yanbu, go and celebrate, I know I wouldn't have asked this question here , knowing the negative response this kind of thread gets!

I know people generally should make an effort to encourage good attendance but this is a special occasion, enjoy, happy birthday when it comes.

cadifflur · 21/09/2011 13:17

thanks for the supporting posts after that last one of mine. Quintessentialist that post was lovely.

OP posts:
worraliberty · 21/09/2011 13:19

Well have a great Birthday, whatever you decide to do Grin

TapselteerieO · 21/09/2011 13:19

Lovely post Quintess.

ShirelyKnottage · 21/09/2011 13:19

Quint - have a

PPPop · 21/09/2011 13:20

YABU to want a 4 year old at a lunch party. I'd try to book the 2 year old in somewhere so you can enjoy it properly Grin

messybessie · 21/09/2011 13:21

I think you're being a little bit unreasonable (but not outrageous).

If it were me, I would have a lovely relaxing day (maybe get DH to look after DC2 while you get your haircut) and then arrange a birthday tea straight after school. Your family would understand.

My DS is in year 1 now and I never took him out of school, even when he was shattered in his first term, because he would have used it against me from then on Grin.

And as for DC2 telling him, sadly, you're going to have to get used to that!

messybessie · 21/09/2011 13:22

actually, it might be even more special for your DS if your ENTIRE family met him from school. My DS always loves it when other people come to collect him

(You might look a bid odd though) Wink