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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep 4yo DS off school for my 40th birthday?

268 replies

cadifflur · 21/09/2011 11:55

DS has just started reception class and we're keeping him off school for 3 days as we're going away this weekend, get back Monday, then Tues it's my birthday. Am I being ridiculous to worry about keeping him off school for 3 days so early in the new school year? He's settled in ok and really seems to enjoy learning, gets a little bit clingy when I drop him off but soon settles once I've gone. We just thought we'd keep him off for my birthday too as there are many years ahead now when he'll be in school for it. DH is off for the day and we'll be going out for lunch with DD (2yo) and other family. AIBU to keep him off school for the day or is this ok?

OP posts:
post · 21/09/2011 12:41

Yanbu, he's 4. Have a lovely birthday.

worraliberty · 21/09/2011 12:41

I dont know - I just cant picture 15 yr old going off rails and refusing school shouting "but mam u let me off school when I was 4 for your birthday"

Lol Grin

Seriously though it's not that, it's the attitude really that school isn't that important and something as trivial as your Mum's birthday lunch is more important.

If a child learns early on that their parents don't really value school, it will be very difficult for them to learn to value it.

BimboNo5 · 21/09/2011 12:42

I really dont get why people ask if the ABU when they just plan to do it anyway and say 'but but but' when people give them reasons WHY tABU

mrsscoob · 21/09/2011 12:42

If you aren't planning another holiday this year then I would treat this weekend as your holiday and the birthday lunch an extension of that. I, for the record, think it is lovely that you want to include your son in your birthday meal. As for the point someone made about he might think school unimportant, at that age surely he won't even realise he is supposed to be at school that day, it could still be the weekend for all he knows.

Ephiny · 21/09/2011 12:43

I don't suppose it would do any harm to his education at this stage! but a bit of a weird and silly reason IMO.

Sirzy · 21/09/2011 12:44

Sounds like a bad habit to get into imo. If you want him involved in things you arrange them around school not keep him off school for a meal which could be done any time.

worraliberty · 21/09/2011 12:44

but actually fail to see how I'm making a rod for my own back by taking him out of school for this? The only other reason we'll be keeping him off school is if he's ill.

Because if you take him out of school to prevent him being disappointed he couldn't go to lunch, where is that going to stop? What about....

His own Birthday

His Dad's Birthday

His Sister's Birthday

Next door's cat having kittens

Or any other equally trivial reason to get a day off.

fedupandtired · 21/09/2011 12:45

I know you're going to go ahead with it anyway so it's totally irrelevant what anyone else thinks but further to my earlier reply I wanted to add that when my DD was in Year 2 (so couple of years of making friends) she went back to school 3 days late after Easter as we went on holiday. Her best friend refused to play with her saying she was playing with someone else and would play with her the following Friday. My DD was heartbroken.

That's the reason I'm against missing school unnecesarily. Kids move on to new friends so quickly. He won't suffer academically in the slightest but might socially.

You'll still do it of course and he might be fine. Just wanted to pre-warn you that he might not be.

BimboNo5 · 21/09/2011 12:46

Why can you not have a family meal later in the day?

Original poster
cadifflur · 21/09/2011 12:47

Betterwhen, no he was at school all of last year until 11.30, that's why he's already got friends in the class. They do nursery class for 3yo, then move next door for reception class when 4yo. So the school routines/friends/teachers etc are already very familiar. This year he does 9-3 as normal.

I am amazed at the strength of feeling from those who disagree! I will show this to DH, see if he thinks we should send him in after all then. - honestly, am not being precious about it, we just thought we'd keep him off as we'd been away and that it wouldn't be such a big deal (and by that I don't mean not a big deal to keep him off as school's not important, but just not that detrimental at this stage). We have been considering sending him in fri morning and picking him up at lunchtime, as the holiday park is only 1.5hr away, so maybe we should do that.

But thanks for the positive replies too Smile!

OP posts:
LadyBeagleEyes · 21/09/2011 12:48

YANBU
Go for it. He's only four, and it sounds like you just want him included in a family celebration.

MiseryBusiness · 21/09/2011 12:48

Our school lets you have 10 days of the year out of school but it also says on the holiday form that its cannot be for, birthdays, family visits, holidays (unless you can justify why you cannot take a holiday in the half terms etc) or anything like that.
Tbh though I took DD out of Foundation year for 4 days last year as DH was going on tour and we went on holiday before he left. Wouldnt do it for a b'day though.

BimboNo5 · 21/09/2011 12:48

And as for the DH having a day off work, is anyone else just feeling slightly nauseated at the though of the Bisto family all gathering round to coo over Mummy bisto and her wonderful array of show stopping gifts and gestures for her 40th birthday

ll31 · 21/09/2011 12:49

but worraliberty I dont think his parents don't value school - I think they do by fact they're considering what to do etc - ie not just keeping him off wihtout due consideration.

WilsonFrickett · 21/09/2011 12:50

Does your school really let them miss 10% of their school time? Shock

I think at 4 it won't do any harm to their education or anything like that, but honestly, it feels a bit self-indulgent. It's all about you, not all about DS. I mean, an adult lunch? Not many 4 year olds would mind missing that IMO.

I presume he finishes at 3, why don't you just pick him up then and go for an early tea with wine?

worraliberty · 21/09/2011 12:50

If it's only 1.5hrs away, you could probably pick him up at 3pm so he misses even less?

ShirelyKnottage · 21/09/2011 12:52

OP - seriously. It's no biggie. He's FOUR. Oh and Bimbo? Back the truck up a bit? I don't find it in the least bit nauseating that a family would want to celebrate an important birthday with a loved one.

worraliberty · 21/09/2011 12:52

ll31 But the child won't know that

All he'll know is "Oooh a caravan park..let's miss school" and "Oooh how dare my baby sister go to lunch without me...it's ok, I'm allowed to miss school"

Not the best attitude to be taught really.

WhereTheWildThingsWere · 21/09/2011 12:54

But school isn't compulsory until 5. The reception years at the school both my dc's have attended have no limit on how often you take them out, as long as you let them know.

You are encoraged to keep them at home if they seem very tired and I have taken them out to go to Ikea before without a moments thought.

You are allowed 10 days in year 1 and 2, though I used very few of them.

Shutupanddrive · 21/09/2011 12:54

Normally I would say it would be fine, it's just right at the start of a new term when they are getting into their little gangs of friends. I would worry that he was missing out and would send him tbh. It's only lunch

WestYorkshirePudding · 21/09/2011 12:55

I actually thought this thread was a joke when I saw the title Confused

Your son is 4 and at school now. End of.

This means that you can't just keep him off when you fancy it, you can't always swan off abraod because it's cheaper out of school holidays and you can't keep him off just because he might miss out on what his younger sister is doing.

Quite frankly, I'm amazed you even have to ask if YBU.

betterwhenthesunshines · 21/09/2011 12:55

Sorry, I thought the 11.30 was current timing from your previous post.

It is of course up to you, and in the long term it won't make any difference to his GSCEs :o but when does school become more important than social occasions? Yr2, Yr4? What will happen on his birthday? Much easier for yourself to draw the guideline up now and stick to them.

Can't you just have a lovely adult (and dd) lunch out and then a family cake and candles for tea?

DandyLioness · 21/09/2011 12:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MordechaiVanunu · 21/09/2011 12:58

Oh just do it, you're obviously going to anyway. Nothing bad will happen he's 4 and all will be fine.

Just accept that many other people will view this as a bit self indulgent, precious, silly, and/or weird.

Time off for holiday not weird, time off for mummy's birthday lunch bit indulgent in my book.

But enjoy it when you do it.

WhereTheWildThingsWere · 21/09/2011 12:59

But he is four he doesn't need to be as school at all, he is still just a baby really.