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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To punish DS who is only 4.5?

176 replies

andypandydulterdandy · 20/09/2011 09:56

Ds has just started primary school, he loves it and is getting on well. He really is a lovely well behaved boy and I rarely have to tell him off, he is kind and affectionate and gets on well with his teachers and his peers.
The problem is, every day when I pick him up from school he has this small plastic toy (like a toy solider), worth nothing really, but he keeps asking can he bring it home, I have told him, "no because that does not belong to you, it belongs to the school"
Yesterday when I checked his lunch box I found the toy inside, I called him and asked him how he got there to which he replied " I don?t know, it must have got in by itself". Eventually he admitted to putting it in his lunch box because he wanted it. I explained that was stealing, which he knew full well that it was, and I told him I was also cross at him for lying to me.
He went to bed with no story last night and I took one of his Ben Ten figures off him and he won?t get it back for a week. Is this too severe? He is really sorry and we took the toy back to school today and he keeps on saying he is will be a good boy and never do it again.

Am I not giving enough, or too much punishment? I really want him to understand that stealing, no matter how small the object and lying are very wrong.

OP posts:
RumourOfAHurricane · 20/09/2011 18:57

This reply has been deleted

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Hullygully · 20/09/2011 19:09

And me and me

RumourOfAHurricane · 20/09/2011 19:12

This reply has been deleted

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Hullygully · 20/09/2011 19:13

yeah but no but

innit

blondie0151 · 20/09/2011 19:23

I think 2 punishments was a tad severe, and a week is a bit long as he will have probably forgotten all about it at the end and if as you say he is generally a good boy then why be so harsh after all it is only a plastic toy not the crown jewels.
Youve done it now tho so to go back on what youve said would be undermining yourself but next time maybe think about the punishment fitting the crime?
As has already been said they are about a quid for a big bag so get him his own once he has redeemed himself.

pigletmania · 20/09/2011 19:30

No I said that from the outset, from my first post

pigletmania · 20/09/2011 19:33

Yes you were right to punish him but I would have made him give it back to the teacher with an apology. (my first post)

NestaFiesta · 20/09/2011 19:39

piglet is agreeing with the OP's punishment but also saying an apology would have been good as well. Her stance has not changed mid thread.

RumourOfAHurricane · 20/09/2011 19:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Hullygully · 20/09/2011 19:41
spiderpig8 · 20/09/2011 19:43

it's one mighty thick 4.5 yo that doesn't understand the concept of theft, if they've been brought up right

ChristinedePizan · 20/09/2011 19:46

ROFL at 'brought up right' Do you favour a clip round the ear spiderpig?

pigletmania · 20/09/2011 19:55

what's wrong with an apology Confused op son did something wrong so should say sorry to the person, which in this case is the teacher. when dd has done something wrong I have always got her to say sorry.

AmberLeaf · 20/09/2011 19:59

OTT

Im with Hullygully et al

I also think not giving him his bedtime story is VVVU.

Most children do this, IMO making him return it to the teacher directly is enough.

QuickLookBusy · 20/09/2011 19:59

I volunteer in a Year R class and the Dc do this sort of thing all the time. It really is very common.

We often check pockets see little ones taking things but no one makes a fuss about it. The teacher/TA just explain it belongs to the school, that if s/he took it home all the other DC would miss it and then ask them to put it back where it belongs.

Can't believe some posters think that a 4 year old is "stealing".

pigletmania · 20/09/2011 20:01

What happens if the ds does this in a shop, they would not be as forgiving, it would be classified as stealing.

AmberLeaf · 20/09/2011 20:03

In fact if some here think a 4 yr old taking something home from school is stealing then im going to say that depriving him of his bedtime story is emotional abuse

OTT?

Ridiculous?

Yes exactly

ChristinedePizan · 20/09/2011 20:03

Really piglet? I don't think a shop would prosecute. Children that age don't understand.

Perhaps this thread is full of parents of weird adult-children who are pre-born with social niceties. A bit like the stepford wives of the child world Hmm

pigletmania · 20/09/2011 20:05

and the parent would have to be responsible for it. Yes its only a little thing, but the boy was told that he could not take it, op said no it belongs to the school repeatedly to him. Boy takes it knowing that he should not have as his mum has told him in the past. He initially lied than came clean about it. The boy knew he had done wrong so he has to face the consequences.

pigletmania · 20/09/2011 20:05

A big thing is made out of this to teach the boy and guide him.

pigletmania · 20/09/2011 20:06

no but the parent would be responsible.

pigletmania · 20/09/2011 20:09

My dd 4.5 in the past has done this in a shop, and I have only just noticed when I have walked out of it, so have taken the item back and got dd to say sorry to the cashier. good thing its a shop that i go to often and the staff know me.

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 20/09/2011 20:19

You've just reminded me Piglet!

Last week we came out of a shop (ds's and I) and ds2 (3.3) said, "can you help me open my water please Mum?"

Water? What water??

He'd helped himself to a bottle of water from the fridge in the shop and walked out with it!

We went straight back in and he returned it and managed a mumbled "sorry" to the shopkeeper who was a bit Shock I think that I was making him apologise, "oh he's only little".

DS2 was left in no uncertain terms knowing that taking things without paying from shops and that don't belong to you is wrong. DS1 made sure of that Grin

OP - I hope today went without any further "borrowing" from school!

pigletmania · 20/09/2011 20:35

Smile ishish I know the feeling

pigletmania · 20/09/2011 20:35

meant Iwish Smile sleep deprivation