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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To punish DS who is only 4.5?

176 replies

andypandydulterdandy · 20/09/2011 09:56

Ds has just started primary school, he loves it and is getting on well. He really is a lovely well behaved boy and I rarely have to tell him off, he is kind and affectionate and gets on well with his teachers and his peers.
The problem is, every day when I pick him up from school he has this small plastic toy (like a toy solider), worth nothing really, but he keeps asking can he bring it home, I have told him, "no because that does not belong to you, it belongs to the school"
Yesterday when I checked his lunch box I found the toy inside, I called him and asked him how he got there to which he replied " I don?t know, it must have got in by itself". Eventually he admitted to putting it in his lunch box because he wanted it. I explained that was stealing, which he knew full well that it was, and I told him I was also cross at him for lying to me.
He went to bed with no story last night and I took one of his Ben Ten figures off him and he won?t get it back for a week. Is this too severe? He is really sorry and we took the toy back to school today and he keeps on saying he is will be a good boy and never do it again.

Am I not giving enough, or too much punishment? I really want him to understand that stealing, no matter how small the object and lying are very wrong.

OP posts:
RumourOfAHurricane · 20/09/2011 18:38

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pigletmania · 20/09/2011 18:38

In fact my dd did that at pre school, I found a little toy in her pocket. I told her that she does not take things that don't belong to her, and the next day I returned it to the teacher and told her to say sorry which she did.

GetAwayFromHerYouBitch · 20/09/2011 18:41

I think you have to teach and guide before you punish.

GetAwayFromHerYouBitch · 20/09/2011 18:41

at this age, I mean

NestaFiesta · 20/09/2011 18:41

GetAway- do you think people DON'T try that first?

pigletmania · 20/09/2011 18:42

part of teaching and guiding is to punish if the child is doing wrong.

RumourOfAHurricane · 20/09/2011 18:44

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GetAwayFromHerYouBitch · 20/09/2011 18:44

Nesta No - I don't think that. Read my earlier post. I think it all depends on the situation and the understanding of the child

pigletmania · 20/09/2011 18:44

how else are they going to learn.

Hullygully · 20/09/2011 18:44

The only punishments I have ever dished out to my two is to get them to write a reflective essay to demonstrate whether or not they understand why a certain behaviour is undesirable. (Once they were old enough!)

They've turned out tip top

Hullygully · 20/09/2011 18:45

Get them to think, understand and choose.

pigletmania · 20/09/2011 18:45

Its not a big thing, but the child has done wrong and needs to know that he did, and what the consequences are. You start small and prepare the child, if you don't nip it in the bud early it could get out of hand later.

pigletmania · 20/09/2011 18:46

But if they are the op sons age they cannot write an essay.

GetAwayFromHerYouBitch · 20/09/2011 18:47

Hully - I have used writing in this way. Mind you, DS1 finds writing a punishment in itself Wink.

RumourOfAHurricane · 20/09/2011 18:47

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Marjoriew · 20/09/2011 18:48

Taking the figures from him was enough. Taking his bedtime story away from him was like depriving him of food. Imagining him going to sleep without his bedtime story.
Sometimes excessive punishments arise out a concern that the parent can't stomach the idea of her child stealing in case he turns into the local cat burglar:)

Hullygully · 20/09/2011 18:48

No, so you discuss explain, give a similar scenario to the one Triggles said, they then understand WHY it was wrong.

If they still have an an overwhelming need for a small bit of plastic, get them one of their own. You'd get yourself a pair of shoes/book/dvd, wouldn't you?

Hullygully · 20/09/2011 18:49

Part of the cunning plan GetAway

Hoh yes

pigletmania · 20/09/2011 18:50

really shineon thanks Smile. I have studied psychology and want to go into child psychology as a career as my dd has SN.

pigletmania · 20/09/2011 18:50

and has really made me interested in helping other parents and children.

GetAwayFromHerYouBitch · 20/09/2011 18:51

Ideally I wouldn't choose punishment-by-bed-time-story either, because I think a bit of light kleptomania can be anxiety-related and bedtime stories are very reassuring.

pigletmania · 20/09/2011 18:52

I know that punishment is a very strong word and can be seen as negative, but its not really. Does not mean you are going to put the child on your knee and give him a spanking. Just that you are helping them realise what they did was wrong and what they have to do to make it right.

soverylucky · 20/09/2011 18:53

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pigletmania · 20/09/2011 18:55

I personally would have chosen the punishment related to the wrongdoing. Getting the ds to return the toy to the teacher and to tell him/her what they did, and to say sorry.

pigletmania · 20/09/2011 18:55

its dealt with quickly and the ds can use that as experience.