AIBU to suddenly abandon long held principles because I can?

[Cathycomehome]

My child is already being let down by his outstanding secondary school. He passed the entrance exams to two selective schools this year (with low scores for a pass ; he is not brain of Britain). The local secondary school have ignored his statement and his IEP recomendations AGAIN.

His teacher assessment levels have been ignored.

I had a very constructive meeting with the Head and Head of KS3 today, but still feel disquieted (if that's a word). Never thought I'd consider private schooling - am doing so since my parents will pay. Feels ideologically wrong. Help?

PS my son's special need requires medication, but he does not have learning difficulties.

Several of the children at my dc's school are already being taken up to Oxbridge etc to have lunch with their parents' old tutors etc...

Might have something to do with it.

I might bribe them to take mine too.

Lots of people who send their children privately don't do so to guarantee success at degree level. They do so because of facilities, sport and breadth of education, small class sizes and pastoral care.

There are lots of people who send their kids private because they themselves had a crap education and think it will give their own kids the best chance in life. They are fiercely proud of what they are managing to do and would laugh at the suggestion of principles.

All depends where you're coming from.

I suppose there are private schools and private schools. Ours isnt considered 'smart' by the local set as it is non selective although the results are fab. Lucky us I think (not being considered 'smart enough'!)

Of course parents who don't send their children to private schools positively relish poor facilities, no sport except footie, narrow education, ginormous class sizes and one ten-minute slot with the teacher per term

most smart kids with supportive will do well wherever they go. I think parents often go for private school for the extras, better facilities, connections, confidence, higher aspirations. My husband has done very well considering his background but does feel that he would have went much further if he had went to the right school, had connections and had the right accent etc. When I was at school the quite bright kids were glad to go onto the local college, become civil servants, teachers etc, nurses (all good professions) only about 2 did what is considered more demanding like law or medicine - just wonder if the results and aspirations would have been different with a private education behind them.

I also know some friends who came from a privileged lifestyle and had private education who left school and didn't go to Uni or whatever but took some run of the mill jobs. Having choices can be a pain, what school, go private or state - so simple when i was young, everyone just went to the school round the corner and didn't question it.

Wilson that's the point... I have no idea, at the moment, if my DD will go state or independent/private but if (and it's a big if) the local schools are poorly provisioned/over-stretched and I can afford a decent fee paying alternative why wouldn't I do that?

Actually, I would struggle with it ethically because I don't believe it's "fair" but I also don't think it's fair to my DD not to do all I can to give her a good, all round, school experience.

Yy but don't assume these things don't exist in your local school Belle

Great facilities - our school is victorian, loads of space, nice old-fashioned feel, but horrid playground. The new school (we're moving) is smaller but modern with great technology, a massive field and a forest.

Sport - Active school clubs on every night, including gymnastics and yogabugs, both schools.

Broad education - DS goes to school with a Sudanese boy, 4 Polish children, there's at least 3 other SNs in there as well, including a girl with Cerebral Palsy who needs help getting around. He's learning more from that than he would any cirriculuum.

Class sizes - his P1 class was 17. (P2 is 28 though so you may have me there )

Pastoral care - both current and new school have been excellent in supporting DS.

See?

And we by NO MEANS live in a nice area, btw.

Wilson agreed...

My own state schooling was, in fact, very good (parental input pretty shite though) but I started school 41 years ago. Some of the things I read on here terrify me for DD but in reality she's probably more able to cope with school than I was.

stay at state school

If this is a Yr 7 child presumably he has been at the school for almost 3 weeks...?

Isn't it a bit early for the OP to be saying that he school is "letting her child down"?

My DS has just started Yr 7 (on 5th September) and is still very much in the process of completing his various baseline assessments in all subjects.

Not sure about this.

The OP hasn't really been back to explain about the letting down, I don't think.

Hi - lots of replies, thanks! I don't know what's going to happen, still talking to the school to try and resolve things, but it seems to be one step forward and two steps back. It may seem early to say that they are letting him own, but they are ignoring the things needed for his condition as decided with senco last term, and it's already having an effect on his self esteem, behaviour etc. I hope I can work with the school to get things right for him, really.
Sorry I didn't get back sooner, not had a chance to log in til now. The whole situation is really stressful, and I hope it's not going to be this way for the next five years.

OP, Just find the school that you think suits him best and send him there. Doesn't matter if it is private or state. There are as many justifications to go private as there are to stick with state. Your son doesn't need justifications, he needs a school where he will be happy and thrive.

Well, at the moment he has become anxious, sad and taciturn. I think I have sorted one of the major problems, but school and I seem to be at an impasse with two others. It could change though, hopefully the head of year is going to contact me tomorrow for a further discussion.

It would be a dreadful shame to throw mega bucks at the problem and then find that the private school is not all that hot either, or that your DS is not settling well there either.

I don't think you've said what your DS's particular condition is (but forgive me if I've missed it in a long thread) so it's hard to judge. I have two friends with DSs who have special needs on the autistic spectrum, albeit different points, who have just started secondary school this term. Neither are settling particularly well unfortunately but this is in no small part due to the the huge upheaval of the adjustment to routines and dealing with everything being new and different. These children go to different state secondaries and one boy is statemented and the other is not. The boy with the statement is being fantastically well supported by his school through the transition. Maybe you need to think about a different state seconday?

I'd urge you to think carefully, private schools are not a panacea you know - even though to hear some speak you could be forgiven for assuming they are.