AIBU to suddenly abandon long held principles because I can?

[Cathycomehome]

My child is already being let down by his outstanding secondary school. He passed the entrance exams to two selective schools this year (with low scores for a pass ; he is not brain of Britain). The local secondary school have ignored his statement and his IEP recomendations AGAIN.

His teacher assessment levels have been ignored.

I had a very constructive meeting with the Head and Head of KS3 today, but still feel disquieted (if that's a word). Never thought I'd consider private schooling - am doing so since my parents will pay. Feels ideologically wrong. Help?

PS my son's special need requires medication, but he does not have learning difficulties.

peach - i think you have misunderstood the nature of AIBU. The op asked a question. We all answered with our opinion. Just because we are disagreeing with the op ( and you) doesn't mean we should be subjected to remarks such as "they can feck off as it has nothing to do with them has it". The op ASKED for our opinions so we gave them. TBH I get the impression she just wanted us to absolve her guilt rather than opinions but if so she has also misunderstood AIBU.
Please can we have some examples of hypocritical socialists please as I was always taught (by a state school) not to make generalisations without being able to back them up.

Diane Abbott (who totally believed in state education, but not for her child)
Tony Blair (going out of area away from own catchment to an 'outstanding' school that they otherwise would never have got in)

Just for starters

This reminds me of when my son was a baby and needed an operation. It wasn't life threatening but it did need to be done asap.

Now I'm a big believer in the NHS despite being fairly right wing in my views. We waited 8 months for an initial consultation with the consultant. We had two choices.

1. Wait for an indeterminate amount of time (months, maybe year plus - noone knew) for a slot from the NHS.

2. Use my work private medical insurance and we could pick a time to suit. "Would next week suit? Here's my mobile number...."

I learned that week that as a parent, principles are a luxury sometimes you cannot afford.

Anyway, if you have entered him for two selective exams it sounds like you have made your decision pretty much (that that is at least an option). Stop beating yourself up about it!

Exactly hardgoing, Socialist principles suddenly disappear when it comes to their own children. How many Labour politicians have children at the local comp?

peach makes an interesting point "your ds is not going to grow thanking you for applying your socialist leanings to his education is he". A lot of people declare they are not getting their DC christened or sending them to a church school etc. as they want them to make their own decision, and I'm wondering how many of the same people would apply their own politics to their children without giving their children the choice (although I accept that in terms of choosing schooling, it's unrealistic to expect a child to choose at the time at which the decision has to be made). That in itself is a bit hypocritical IMO.

OP, I think it's not hypocritical, but in fact realistic, to accept that it's OK to have principles, but that the current system/situation doesn't necessarily cater for those appropriately. You need to make the decision that is right for your family, and I doubt there are that many well off socialists who would knowingly and deliberately send their children to a cr@p school just to stick to their principles, just as there are very few well off people who would not pay for a life-saving operation (if they could afford it) because they are in favour of socialised medicine so prefer to wait it out and see if they actually make it to the top of the waiting list.

I personally wouldn't be comfortable saying that my political persuasion is more important than doing the best thing for my child.

D

I think you will find the majority of labour politicians have children at the lo9cal school.

YANBU

But then, I've never really understood the moral objection to private school, so I'm probably the wrong person to ask.

Primary school possibly - secondary, I doubt it.

Harriet Harman (child went to a grammar school)

I also don't think selective education is morally wrong. It's what lifted my dad out of poverty and made sure he didn't follow his mum in leaving school aged 13. He was able to become a professional, as did his brother. Social mobility was higher during that time period than now.

principles are a luxury sometimes you cannot afford

Absolutely. ds is at a state primary and will continue to a state secondary. But if he had particular needs that weren't being met (and we could afford it - which we can't) then there is no way I'd piss about upholding my socialist principles.

Ideologically and at a personal level, I don't actually see a huge problem tbh. Some people can't afford to drive their family around in a bullet-proof Volvo. Doesn't mean that those who can afford it should drive their family around in bashed up old death traps in solidarity.

OP I am assuming that you sent your DC to State Primary school. You both fulfilled your sides of the 'contract' then: you supported State schooling and they educated your child well enough. Everyone was happy.

We now have a different scenario. The State is letting your child down (I am assuming, for the purposes of argument that your complaints are well-founded) so you are absolved of your obligations to them. It is not fair to expect you to suck up a one-sided situation - it is OK for you to [quote]abandon principles [unquote] because they have abandoned you/your DC.

Jenai- that's why I don't feel bad at my mother's decision, because I wasn't harmed by the decision to send me local to the worst school in the area. I did fine, ironically because I had her to educate me at home (books, time spent on educating activities). The real losers were those who didn't have that and came out with poor or no qualifications, just to replicate the cycle of deprivation/low expectations again.

Harriet harman went to a private school and sends one child to a grammar school in kent and the other to the catholic London Oratory School in southwark.

funny how she is only catholic when it comes to the education of one of her children and lives in southwark. Yet for the other she forgets she is catholic and applies to a school in kent.

Op you do whatever you feel is best for your child and sod anyone who says different.

Both mine were at a state primary until ds kept saying that he was bored and wanted harder work.

Eventually, a good friend of mine, who had been chatting with ds, took me to one side and said look, do you realise that is probably the only boy in the whole of England begging for harder work?

There was no harder work to be had from state, so we went private (with scholarships or couldn't have done it), best thing (for him) we could have done, terrible for me and caused many many heated rows with friends.

Hey ho.

It would be fine to have those principles if the system was working as it should but (though I'm outside of the UK so am only going on what friends and family have told me), it would appear that it isn't.

My dn is bright and goes to an ok comprehensive. My ds-in-law would jump at the offer of someone paying for him to go to a private school as she says he would come out with higher exam results from a private school (lower teacher/pupil ratio, better resources, no distractions from the children who don't want to learn) than the local comp, even if it is an ok one. Competition to get into good unis these days is fierce. I'd say, give them the best opportunity to fulfil their full potential. You can always blame the Government for forcing you to abandon your principles.

Oh, sod principles and go for what's best for your DS. I'm amazed that anyone has to ask.

God, take the money. Private schools are brilliant. I wouldn't even think about it.

I would never sacrifice my child's future for my principles. It's different for people like Diane Abbott, she had attacked other politicians for their choice of schooling then had a total turnaround when it came to her son. Total hypocrite.

I couldnt do it and it does sound like the school are trying to support you and your son so seems a shame for him to have to leave.

Principles can change with circumstance, nothing is fixed. Maybe your principles were a little flawed originally?? But without the need to change them, they suited you so you stuck to them.

The true test of a principle, rather than an opinion, is when you face it head on and make an informed choice.

Don't kick yourself. If private school will serve your child better, and you can afford, then you have nothing to feel guilty for.... you can still believe that wonderful state schools are the 'best' for everyone, but if the state school is NOT wonderful, then you're not making a complete u-turn, just adjusting to reality.

I went to private school so obviously have nothing against the system, but if I k RS you in reality I'd probably dislike you a little now, cause essentially what you're saying is you dislike it when others do it but when it comes to your child it is suddenly ok. Which is it, right or wrong?

Fwiw, I'd make the same decision, but then I haven't placed myself against it ib principle before either.

I really don't get the 'all private schools are brilliant' arguement, they're not - and some of them are not particularly interested in children with some kinds of SEN. Which is fair enough - if you're selling exam passes then you don't want your precious school clogged up with failures, do you?

OP, I am really sorry your school is lettting your DS down. I completely understand the dilemma this is putting you in but I would say - as always - do your research. Check (with other parents) that your son's SN can be met fully by the schools you are considering, don't just believe the marketing. And while you're at it, see if there's any other schools in your area that might suit him better, its not neccessarily a choice of current school vs private, there will be other choices.

And, once you've done all that, make your decision and make peace with it.

But mumto2 the OP states that The local secondary school have ignored his statement and his IEP recomendations AGAIN

Either they're NOT trying their best, or their best isn't good enough.

lol if you have socialist principles but want to pay for schooling/health etc, join the long queue of labour party hypocrites who do the same

personally I would give my child the best education i could afford, I owe that to them.