...to be cross with this doctor's presence during the birth?

[chickenchops]

Really not sure if i am or not.

I was induced and three hours later given an epidural by the on call anaesthetist. I didn't really like him. He was cross I was skipping the peth injection, got very cross with me when i moved slightly when he stuck me in the back with a needle (without warning), was just overall very abrupt and rude. Oh well i thought... I will never have to see him again.

My labour stalled and I got exhausted. Cue OB coming with ventouse. Just after she arrived, so did the anaesthetist.

He did not speak to me. He did not check any equipment. He did ask midwife if she had to use any boosters. (yes she said. one. although she did not disclose that i was finding the epidural less and less effective and had put me back on gas and air after 2 hours it was sited). the OB got her kit out and got between my legs. Anaesthetist then took position just to her right to watch the birth.

No one explained why he was there. he did not tell me. he made a few inappropriate comments i could have done without and then just well, watched.

Several things went wrong with my birth/aftercare. I ended up writing a letter to the hospital pointing out some aspects of my care that really were wrong and also mentioned that I was quite unhappy that this guy just showed up and hung out between my legs. they were quite surprised I was unhappy about this as "but chicken chops, he's a doctor". I wound up in a meeting with them this week and again expressed how distasteful i found this. they were again gobsmacked and said no one had ever complained before as most women simply don't mind.

really?

I'm not british and grew up in a strict evangelical christian household. I am wondering if i am being precious about my dignity to due how i was raised? Or, would you have found this offensive too?

for the record, the story has changed several times as to why he was there but no one disagrees that while he was there he did nothing.

so... aibu?

We do have a funny attitude towards this though, I mean...yes I am grateful both I and dd are alive and well but at the same time it is possible to be angry I was ignored, spoken down to and handled roughly and disrespectfully. And gawped at, musn't forget that. Why is it so frowned upon to expect to be treated like a human being with feelings?

really herbietea?

HOW??? read my above post!

UABU as you describe situations where the random doctor could have left you paralised, physically assaulted you whle putting the epidural in, was guilty of malpractice, but you are focussed on who sees your kipper and him not saying hello very nicely. To me that's unreasonable.

if you have asked for clarification 3 times from the hospital is there any possibility your husband might just think he needs to agree with you to make you stop obsessing. and you do sound obsessive (now) I am not being horrible or harsh but you do need to move things on now, for your own sake.

OP, I had a PPH after ELCS and my anaesthetist (who I didn't particularly click with) was mostly at arm level but did venture south to see how things were going, when I was in recovery and bleeding heavily. He had to see to large bore vein access which was v tricky to establish and also was trying to establish, with the help of the obstetrician, whether I'd need to go to theatre so was seeing where the bleeding was coming from. With ELCS, as a patient you can kid yourself that it's a very dignified process as there's a drapes break up and it all feels far away. But in recovery I suddenly realised I was utterly naked - my soddened gown was removed and I had to ask to be covered up a bit. They sort of didn't notice but I did. However the anaesthetist gave me corking doses of diamorphine which helped my modesty issues no end! So in relation to your OP, YANBU but I think that if you had got on better with your anaesthetist and had also had enough opiates this wouldn't have upset you as much.

Mitmoo I dont think its unreasonable as such, I think its displacement activity to avoid what is really upsetting about the whole thing and I think you are obviously traumatised chicken, people can even end up with PTSD from bad deliveries, you need to work out how you can move on safely from it.

And its only human to be upset when things dont go the way you planned surely, especially when what should be a lovely event ends up like this?

mitmoo- i am upset about it all. i have complained about it all. he knows he should have treated me far differently. if it came down to a lawsuit he would simply say: of course i told her. it would be his word against my husband and i. of course, i would have held still had i known the needle was about to be inserted. I moved because, an unexpected needle in your back tends to make you jump. my husband wanted to throttle him when watched him take both his hands and press my body together without saying a word to me. but who are the courts likely to believe?

and... for the purpose of this thread, i am asking about the kipper viewing. I know those other things are unreasonable. I just wanted to know if the kipper viewing is.

get some help dude.

I seem to have not read the bit where you said you had a pph. I can definitely understand him hanging around once that started. Even if he didn't do anything it would be good practice to stay incase he was needed to do anything. If theother staff there had things under control then that's probably why he didn't do anything, but it could have got worse at any minute.

sorry herbietea. was a bit quick off the mark.

adios publichair. will do, dude.

VLB- yes, but...

he claims he left before the PPH and feels bad that he didn't stay to help and put in another line. in reality he was there for it all- hubs remembers him leaving after i was stable. its just not recorded- neither him entering or leaving.

it wasn't under control. the OB was screaming: we need more staff!

This may help

FWIW, there are things about DS's delivery and my treatment during labour which I am not happy about. Nothing medical, that was all fine, just the fact that I was spoken to like an animal (at times), pushed about, not asked about procedures or informed of what was happening and generally disregarded as a person. It was loke I was just the vehicle of delivery for DS. Luckily for me, I have been present on the other side of deliveries often enough to be aware of what was going on and not be frightened or too overwhelmed.

AND I gave birth in the trust I practiced in, they knew I was a colleague (allthough not working in obstetrics)

However, it has made me think a lot about how patients are treated (especially labouring mothers in hospital) and how frequently their/our experiences are belittled or swept under the carpet by a comment like ' Well, it all turned out fine. You should be grateful'.
In most cases, the patient is grateful but surely that does not diminish the disrespect experienced. And we should just 'shut up' we should talk about it to one another, debrief and if necessary complain. Otherwise we will continue to be treated poorly.

it is very strange that he didn't help. Are you sure about that?

When i was in labour with my ds i arrived at hospital to be ve,d by a docter , in the prescance of a midwife . He did not speak to me at any point as he did it . He looked amused and suggested to the midwife that she should do one as well . She looked puzzled but he urged her to do carry it out , grinning as she did .

At this point they were stood either side of me , my legs spread , i was young , terrified and in agony . They spoke only to each other , and not to me at any point , activeley flirting . Midwife exclaimed some surprise , flirted some more and went off . Doc stayed and made some inapropriate comment about my fanjo and asked me if it was the first time i had ever had sex . The reason for him asking her to do one was to surprise her as i was fully dilated .

No big medical emergency occured , i was not killed , but i was utterly humiliated and i can still recall how humiliated and exposed i felt . I really am totally amazed that anyone thinks having someone gawk at your fanjo for no reason , fail to introduce themselves or reassure you is totally appalling , it reduces you to a fanjo and something to be observed , instead of a person .

Seeing as he was not called to her room , why exactly was he there and watching so intently ? Apalling .

I think some people have convinced themselves that you're making a big deal over nothing, chicken chops. I don't think you are. Maybe the next person along wouldn't have felt the same but that doesn't make them better than you. You were in a vulnerable position and you felt more could've been done to respect your privacy. I understand that. I think you're right too. If there was a good reason for him to be there, it would have been explained to you and it would never have become an issue. It's not a straw for you to clutch at in order to dramatize the situation.

Very sure.

I asked hubby in days following birth when he left. he has always said, when you were stable after haemorrhage. he put his hand on my shoulder and told me the baby was beautiful before leaving.

when we met with him, he asked how far my memory went. when i knew i was haemorrhaging. I said just after the placenta delivered. he then said he left as soon as placenta was delivered and feels bad he didn't stay to help. gave me a big song and dance about what he would have done.

I had told hubs before meeting i was really just looking for some answers and closure so to not push to hard. so he didn't challenge him.

I am guessing he feels guilty he didn't do anything... and as I don't remember assumed husband wouldn't either.

I am so sorry yesterdays. what an awful story.

those practising medicine really need to realise just how much of an effect they can and do have on us, their patients.

I am amazed there are all these exclamations and easy acceptance about the world and his wife peering at womens fanjos as they give birth . Im no prude , but sureley its not much to expect a bit of privacy and to see mothers delivering as exactly that , as opposed to a medical procedure to be observed by anyone who feels like watching .

No wonder so many people opt for home births .

Are you going to leave it at that Op , or are you going to take it further ?

I thought anaesthetists have to remain if there is an epidural in. My uncle is one and stays when he has done one - in case it needs redoing or adjusting.

yesterdays - but you can't have an epidural at home. If OP didn't want an anaesthetist there ,then she shouldn't have asked for an epidural - simple. Your logic doesn't make any sense.

No epidural = no anaesthetist.

They don't need to stay in the room. There just needs to be one on call for labour ward incase there is a problem.

yesterdays - but you can't have an epidural at home. If OP didn't want an anaesthetist there ,then she shouldn't have asked for an epidural - simple. Your logic doesn't make any sense.

What doesnt make any sense ?
Chicken DID want an epidural , she simply didnt want him to come into her room , totally uninvited by either herself or the midwife , , and sit on his arse and peer at her fanjo . Are you suggesting thats part of the deal of having an epidural and she should just accept it ?

Im fully aware that you cant have epidurals with a home birth , ive done it several times . And theres a reason women dont NEED epidurals at home , they are generally well supported by midwives who respect them and their privacy .

"I thought anaesthetists have to remain if there is an epidural in. My uncle is one and stays when he has done one - in case it needs redoing or adjusting"

The anaesthetist I had put it in, asked me if I could feel my toes and when I told him I could, and wiggled them extensively for good measure he shrugged his shoulders and walked off. I never saw him again.

He certainly didn't reappear for my assisted delivery.

I'm not saying that's 'right' but it DEFINITELY happens.