...to be cross with this doctor's presence during the birth?

[chickenchops]

Really not sure if i am or not.

I was induced and three hours later given an epidural by the on call anaesthetist. I didn't really like him. He was cross I was skipping the peth injection, got very cross with me when i moved slightly when he stuck me in the back with a needle (without warning), was just overall very abrupt and rude. Oh well i thought... I will never have to see him again.

My labour stalled and I got exhausted. Cue OB coming with ventouse. Just after she arrived, so did the anaesthetist.

He did not speak to me. He did not check any equipment. He did ask midwife if she had to use any boosters. (yes she said. one. although she did not disclose that i was finding the epidural less and less effective and had put me back on gas and air after 2 hours it was sited). the OB got her kit out and got between my legs. Anaesthetist then took position just to her right to watch the birth.

No one explained why he was there. he did not tell me. he made a few inappropriate comments i could have done without and then just well, watched.

Several things went wrong with my birth/aftercare. I ended up writing a letter to the hospital pointing out some aspects of my care that really were wrong and also mentioned that I was quite unhappy that this guy just showed up and hung out between my legs. they were quite surprised I was unhappy about this as "but chicken chops, he's a doctor". I wound up in a meeting with them this week and again expressed how distasteful i found this. they were again gobsmacked and said no one had ever complained before as most women simply don't mind.

really?

I'm not british and grew up in a strict evangelical christian household. I am wondering if i am being precious about my dignity to due how i was raised? Or, would you have found this offensive too?

for the record, the story has changed several times as to why he was there but no one disagrees that while he was there he did nothing.

so... aibu?

Bruffin that's the thing isn't it, to keep people angry when there's nothing to be gained seems to be a futile waste of effort to me. Better to tell them to get over it.

SansaLannister "She asked if you'd have found his watching the birth offensive. No. Because it appears most women don't mind."

Your evidence for this is?

Um, her OP. Where it says, 'they were again gobsmacked and said no one had ever complained before as most women simply don't mind.'

No wonder the NHS is going down the swanny.

We want it all, free, top notch care with no one but ladies looking at anyone's precious fanny.

Ever lived in a place where you have to pay for it all? It's not nice, people, and you may still end up with a man viewing your fanny.

OMG!

We do pay for the NHS - it doesn't come from nowhere.

The OP hasn't objected to a man looking at her fanny - she objected to a doctor observing the birth who had no reason to be there, hadn't introduced himself, and hadn't asked if he could be there.

When I had my ds everyone involved introduced themselves and told me what their role was, and I was asked permission before any students were allowed in to watch. That should be standard in all hospitals - not someone's mate being allowed to have a look because he was curious and had nothing better to do.

Welcome to AIBU.

Mitmoo - there is malpractice going on in hospitals, just as there is in any other workplace.

Doctors are not gods.

They are human beings who sometimes make mistakes, communicate poorly and behave in an inconsiderate way.

The only way to improve standards is to address poor practice when it's observed.

Otherwise we end up with doctors like this:

(honestly though - satire only works when we recognise it as being truthful)

Sigh.

It happened. It's over. She complained.

Okay. Enough already.

Go to the GP and ask for a counselling referral to get over the abuse of your modesty.

FGS.

I can't even remember if everyone introduced him/herself during DD1's delivery.

The idea that medical professionals are there for a 'good old gawp' as you suggested is sad, Rita.

[rolls eyes]

Maybe go private next time so you can select who looks at your bits.

Let's just sack this man and pay the OP thousands in compensation then.

This doctor was there just to watch Sansa, do you find that unbelievable for some reason?

I've seen anaesthetists putting in epidural needles without warning. They put in a local anaesthetic first and so in theory the patient shouldn't really feel the epidural needle going in but of course, some patients will feel more than others. They will generally warn them beforehand that they need to keep still whilst it's being administered, but some anaesthetists are less communicative than others, particularly with patients who they feel aren't 'with it' eg. women in advanced labour, elderly patients with dementia. Just because something's considered good practice, doesn't mean that it always happens, believe you me!

You don't know that definitely, Rita, any more than anyone else does. NO ONE is ever going to know. It's all speculative.

Let's just sack him and pay the OP compensation. Let me speculate as well, maybe that's really what this is all about?

This is not just about the NHS! Where I live you have to pay for it yourself and there is no way that I would be happy with anyone that didnt NEED to be looking there, looking. Twice when I needed an anaesthetist, he was at my head side at all times!

I am gobsmacked that people are ok with someone who isnt needed, watching a VD. I dont care if he was bored, keeping an eye on you, etc he was NOT the obe or the midwife and did not NEED to be watching.

Here That's very insulting to those on the autistic spectrum. Glad you don't generalise. [FFS emoticon] FYI a person with HFASD are taught what is and is not socially acceptable, it happens all of the time.

Many people with HFASD set themselves extremely high standards and wouldn't randomly do procedures that could endanger mobility by not asking a patient to keep still [another FFS emoticon]

QR - Haven't read any other responses.

I can't believe what people complain about nowadays.

FGS, you are alive, your baby is alive, surely that should be all that matters.

If you didn't want people looking between your legs, maybe you shouldn't have got yourself pregnant!!

No Daisy, that can't possibly have happened - Mitmoo is sure of it.

Back to the "your baby is alive, shut up" line.

I have to say I agree that the idea that everyone involved in a delivery introduces themselves is laughable. There were at least 7 people in the room, not including me and DH, when I had my C section. They all looked pretty busy to me. Do I know what precise function each and every one was serving? Nope. Do I care? Not one jot.

It's possible that the OB asked him to be present but not told him why he wanted him present - perhaps the OB thought he might be needed.

Rita - as I said, it was a QR, not a "back" to anything on my part .

I just think people have a romanticised view on how things should be and life isn't always scented candles and classical music.

At my ventouse birth, I had the doctor doing the pulling, the anaethsetist, 2 paed doctors, 2 MW's and my OH.
Did I give a shit? No!
Was I eternally grateful to all involved for reviving my little one (2 paeds and 1 MW), topping up epidural so I could be stitched (anaeth) by pulling doctor and generally reassuring me that all was well (other MW).
Yes, I certainly was.

I wouldn't have cared if the world and his dog were in the room.
But then I am a realist :) who is quite pragmatic and gets on with things.
Don't see the point on dwelling on what might have been.

You didn't care, good for you. Other women do care.

honestly, OP, you need to let it go. What do you want to happen now, an apology (leaving the door open for you to make a claim) or more time spent going over and over your birth.

i suspect it unlikely that the dr was perving over you, purely because it looks like a butchers shop down there. When i had dd i had all manner of drs and nurses in the room as she was stuck, i had strep B (as did she) and she was posterior and i was ill (I also had Richard and Judy in the room too at one point...although maybe I hallucinated them, I don't know, I don't remember the exact details of every second of any of the labours I've had)
suspect you don't remember, verbatim who said what and who did what when and to whom.
You seem to be focussing on one midwives comment of why he was there. I am not sure why you are obsessing about him so much and think maybe it's time you got some counselling re the whole birth rather than fixating on it. How many times have you asked the same questions- how much time do you want someone to spend going over your birth endlessly with you.
i hope you are having a better time parenting than in labour though.

Ok. I was so going to stay away from this thread.

But I have met a damn sight more anaesthetists than most of you. Hardly surprising given that I have been one for the last 10 years.

And not one of them would be considered to have asperger's / hfa traits. I find that generalization extremely insulting.

I am also amazed that you think if I were present in an assisted delivery watching it's because I've got nothing better to do. Are you kidding? In addition to 60+ hour weeks I have backlogs of paperwork and admin. Not to mention cups of tea requiring my presence.

Assisted deliveries often mean massive obstetric hemorrhage. And I can't assess blood loss from the head end. I also walk around the drapes during CS too - looking at the suction and amount of blood on swabs. It's my job!

I don't know exactly why this doctor was asked to be present but I am surprised at how many of you seem to accept that it was for entertainment!

Well other women need to get the fuck over themselves then, frankly Rita. And I have to say there's a lot to be said for the "you're alive and your baby is alive" argument.

And before anyone gets arsey about that comment, ask yourselves what possible benefit to the OP arises from encouraging her to see herself as having been violated in some way. She has been through the matter with the hospital, more than once. The man has apologised, whether he had anything to apologise for or not. She needs to get over it, not dwell on it.

There's nothing to be said for it, other than as a handy way to dismiss women who suffer poor experiences of maternity care.

If you wanted to complain about any other kind of surgery/procedure, you wouldn't be shouted down with "you survived didn't you, what more can you expect on the NHS?".