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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Very Puzzled..AIBU

200 replies

GingerWrath · 17/09/2011 21:11

Acquittance has a baby that is 5 weeks on Monday. She has left her baby 1 hour and 40 min away at her Mum's, because 'she cries at night', now I am not the most maternal person but there is no way I would have left DD at 5 weeks, DM helped get her into a routine at 11 wks but I was there. AIBU to think this isn't on?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 17/09/2011 21:48

I was always insanely jealous of my mate whose parents had her baby every single saturday night so she and her OH could get some sleep

did I slag her off all over town ?

nope

I was happy for her... I knew my parents wouldn't do it, and that was that

Kayano · 17/09/2011 21:49

Rock... It's not even a friend, it's an acquaintance! Which makes it even worse!

Original poster
GingerWrath · 17/09/2011 21:49

Yes, thanks Mumsnet for being at least impartial..

OP posts:
AuntieMonica · 17/09/2011 21:50

oh get over yourself OP, you asked, we told you what we thought

Kayano · 17/09/2011 21:50

We are impartial, but you're just Unreasonable

AnyFucker · 17/09/2011 21:50

OP posts in Forces Sweethearts

Not too much of a leap

SayCoolNowSayWhip · 17/09/2011 21:51

Have I had too much wine? Who said anything about military?

At 5 weeks I know I was crying with exhaustion and PND. I would have given anything for a free night. Don't judge your friend, OP. HELP HER!

ilovesooty · 17/09/2011 21:51

Kayano, my last cat was called Sooty too.

This thread is really unpleasant...so OP, what have you done to help this struggling mother?

TidyDancer · 17/09/2011 21:51

Yeah, sorry, but this really is none of your business. I don't mean to be harsh, but seriously, it's not. If she needs a break, she needs a break, regardless of the age of the baby. As long as the LO isn't actually being neglected, there's really no need for you to judge her choices.

LilRedWG · 17/09/2011 21:52

Sorry GingerWrath but you are being unreasonable. I'm all for parents taking responsibility for their children but sometime everyone needs support, wothout the need to tell aquaintances why that is.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 17/09/2011 21:54

Oh dear, everybody... we need to be impartial... quick notify HQ and get them to delete our opinions and lets all agree with the OP because we all know that's what impartial is.

DiscoDaisy · 17/09/2011 21:54

My 5th child spent the night at my mum's house when he was 5 weeks old so we could go to a wedding.
My 4th child spent 2 nights in a row at my mum's house when he was 3 weeks old because we had a particularly nasty stomach bug go through our house.

Original poster
GingerWrath · 17/09/2011 21:54

That's the fucking thing! FFS What can I do to help?! If you have a prob with me being military...oh well!....

OP posts:
madhousewife · 17/09/2011 21:55

be the change you want to see.
if you think op is being judgemental and not offering support, perhaps we all need to stop being judgemental and offer support to the op.

not always an easy thing to do but if you really truly want to make a situation better this is the way to do it.

SleepyFergus · 17/09/2011 21:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

CharCharGabor · 17/09/2011 21:56

I had a baby who screamed constantly for her first year and has barely slept a wink since. She had reflux and was in terrible pain all the time. She was breastfed but I wished I could leave her for even an hour with someone as I was on the edge :( As it is I battled through but I'd never judge anyone for finding it hard to cope, it's hard! Even now when dd is having a particularly bad run I'd love to just walk away for a bit and get a break but there's no one to take her. YABU OP, you sound really judgy and your instant leap to insults when people don't agree with you doesn't really help.

LeBOF · 17/09/2011 21:56

Poor woman.

Kayano · 17/09/2011 21:56

But why would se want your help? She obv has a very supportive mum to help her and not some judgey acquaintance who thinks it 'isn't on'... In your own words

Short answer... You don't do anything except butt out. Maybe let her know your there if she needs to talk but that would be it!

Onemorning · 17/09/2011 21:57

YABU and judgey.

LaWeasel · 17/09/2011 21:57

Talking about her behind her back - not helping.

Shutting up and being sympathetic that she's so desperate she's sending baby to her mum's for the night - that would be helpful.

AnyFucker · 17/09/2011 21:57

I don't have a problem with you being military

You seemed to make a big thing of a "small community" like it was more of your business

it isn't

or it isn't if you want to judge instead of help

small communities can be great if everyone pulls together

yours doesn't sound like it does, since the poor girl has to get support from outside of it

or perhaps it's just you

LeonardNimoy · 17/09/2011 21:58

The military are not popular on MN. I thought better of AnyFucker, but it seems everyone has their prejudices after all.

hiccymapops · 17/09/2011 21:58

It sounds like she doesn't need your help, she's getting it from her mum.

weneedabiggerboat · 17/09/2011 21:59

My dd2 was a terrible sleeper, awful, wouldn't want anyone to go through the level of exhaustion I did. I wish I had have asked my Mum to take her overnight at least once. I'm not really sure what it has to do with you anyway. I'm assuming the baby is looked after at its grandparents, tbh at that age as long as the baby is cuddled, loved, changed and fed it'll be fine.

hiccymapops · 17/09/2011 22:00

LaWeasel said it better.