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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Very Puzzled..AIBU

200 replies

GingerWrath · 17/09/2011 21:11

Acquittance has a baby that is 5 weeks on Monday. She has left her baby 1 hour and 40 min away at her Mum's, because 'she cries at night', now I am not the most maternal person but there is no way I would have left DD at 5 weeks, DM helped get her into a routine at 11 wks but I was there. AIBU to think this isn't on?

OP posts:
SwearyMary · 17/09/2011 21:40

Its none of your business Ginger. How is your judgement of her in any way useful? You are simply pointing out that you believe her to be an inadequate parent.
Find something to worry about within your community that actual has an impact on your life.

happygilmore · 17/09/2011 21:40

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tarponsspringsiloveyou · 17/09/2011 21:40

Hard to say!

At 5 weeks she could have PND is this her first child? I wouldn,t judge. If it's helping her cope let it be, we all get into a rhythm sooner or later.

AnyFucker · 17/09/2011 21:41

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Kayano · 17/09/2011 21:41

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hiccymapops · 17/09/2011 21:41

Why ask if you're being unreasonable, then argue that you know you're not?

WhiteTrash · 17/09/2011 21:41

Exactly thisisyesterday.

I didnt have PND either but seriously struggeled with my colicky baby. I didnt leave him with anyone but I remember begging my mum to come and help once because I was desperate. She didnt but there you go.

I couldnt leave him, but I absolutely do not judge someone who does. I was on my knees, I had thoughts of self harming. I even began to understand how people ended up shaking their babies.

No one but no one can judge until they've been there.

BenRoo · 17/09/2011 21:42

People's tolerance levels differ.
I personally wouldn't of left my baby with anyone at 5 weeks.
Instead I struggled/cried/thought I was going mad through sleep deprivation/argued with my DH,but I believe that's a large part of bonding with your child and finding your way as parents.
An acquaintance of mine left her baby with her mothers at 2 weeks so she could go and 'get hammered' as she was stressed....
Needless to say we have completely different parenting styles Hmm

missymarmite · 17/09/2011 21:42

Would you rather she reached the limit of her endurance and ended up harming her baby through frustration?

Are you perhaps just an insy bit jealous that she has a dedicated DM who is willing and able to take on so much. I know I am!

nancy75 · 17/09/2011 21:42

dd stayed with my parents for the night when she was about 10 days old. I had a rough birth and felt like i had lost the plot in the days after she was born (pfb without a doubt) I needed the break, judge me all you like , but not everyone is as perfect as you op.
And by the way she has left the baby with her own Mum, not a stranger or casual aquaintance.

CocoPopsAddict · 17/09/2011 21:42

So how have you tried to help her so far?

M0naLisa · 17/09/2011 21:42

Hmm none of your business. My ds2 was a crier and I suffered pnd. It was a terrible time. No one wiuld have him over night for us. Which didn't help, I was diagnosed wuth pnd early ob. you high not jnow the full story but you also mentioned that she had saud sge was struggling, her parrner sounds like he dont help our much. Cur her some slack and support her not slate her.

M0naLisa · 17/09/2011 21:43

Sorry for spelling mistake using touch phone.

Original poster
GingerWrath · 17/09/2011 21:43

I am not judging, have not been in this position before, I am not judging but want to help her, and WTF has the military got to do with it?

OP posts:
AmazingBouncingFerret · 17/09/2011 21:44

Why are you letting it bother you OP?
Chill out. Relax. t's not your baby screaming the place down so put your feet up and relax in the comfort and knowledge that you are the perfect parent of one 5 yr old (I'm the same btw, my 5 yr old is a credit to my wonderful parenting, he is a gem. My 2yr old on the other hand is a different story.... Smile)

onepieceofcremeegg · 17/09/2011 21:44

Through my work I see many mothers who for varying reasons need extra support. Sometimes it is to do with pnd or mental illness (I am a mental health nurse). I never judge them for seeking support/help from family and friends, and I generally know more about their situations than the op seems to do about this acquaintance.

Even if the judger op has pnd herself, it doesn't mean she knows how the "acquaintance" is feeling even if the she also has pnd. People react very differently to motherhood and some of us cope more easily than others.

Unpleasant and judgy thread imo.

AnyFucker · 17/09/2011 21:44

any kind of friend would have offered to have the baby herself within our "small community" if she saw someone was struggling so much

I have and would do that

it can make the world of difference to just get 8 hours uninterupted sleep

LilRedWG · 17/09/2011 21:44

Butt out or offer help - don't judge.

Kayano · 17/09/2011 21:45

But you can't help her with that attitude can you? Nor would she want you to.

usualsuspect · 17/09/2011 21:45

If you want to help her .keep your bloody nose out

LilRedWG · 17/09/2011 21:46

I had a friend hwps DS went to grandparent's every Saturday night so that his parents could sleep and I really don't blame them. He cried 18 hours out of 24 and they needed the break.

ilovesooty · 17/09/2011 21:47

So you want to help her? What have you actually done ?

RockStockAndTwoOpenBottles · 17/09/2011 21:47

You're not judging? Good grief, I'd hate to see you when you were.

Unless you have spent every night for the past 5 weeks with her, how can you possibly begin to understand how your friend (though you don't appear to be grasping the whole friend concept here) is feeling, just how tired she may be, with an apparently non-helping husband thrown into the mix for good measure?

Walk a mile in her shoes and all that....

Kayano · 17/09/2011 21:48

I lovesooty, your username just nearly made me cry Sad
My cat was called sooty Sad

LeonardNimoy · 17/09/2011 21:48

Sorry, why on earth would you think that OP is part of a military community??

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