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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask how many mums out there can actually afford to go to work?

202 replies

tinky19 · 14/09/2011 12:51

Ok, so I'll start by saying I'll win all prizes for ignorance with this but please bear with me.
DS is 16mo and DC2 is due in Dec. Now, up until my maternity leave starts we have been very fortunate to have GPs looking after DS so I have worked 3 days a week.
DH has now got a new job so we are moving 250 mile away from all family Sad and having looked into child care, I've realised we can't afford for me to work. It's not like I have a badly paid job (I'm a teacher) but at most after paying childcare I'd have £100 a month left from my pay.
Now I know some mums would choose to work anyway but unless I'm really makibng an extra contribution, I'd rather be at home with me children.
So how do people afford it? Are you all high powered, high earners? This is a genuine question and I'm not critising anybodies choice to be a working mum or SAHM.
Thanks

OP posts:
aldiwhore · 14/09/2011 14:38

If £1200 a year into the family pot is worth it, then return to work. If its not, and you'd RATHER be at home, then stay at home.

I've been at home for 7 years (well obviously I've been out too) but for me £100 per month would be worth it, because (for me) its not about the money anymore but a real need and wish to be working again.

It depends what you want.

chocoroo · 14/09/2011 14:44

I think the £100 difference is a red herring here. You would rather stay at home with your children. How much money would you want to have after childcare before it would persuade you back?

Dragonwoman · 14/09/2011 14:46

I can't afford to work at present. I have 3 DCs inc one toddler & I have to make £18k gross before the childcare is covered. Add in travel and other work expenses & it's about £24k to break even.
When I had the children I was paid well enough to (just) afford it. Since redundancy I can't find anything that pays nearly so well. We do not qualify for childcare tax credits if I work and the childcare vouchers aren't nearly enough to make the cost palatable.
Be very careful about giving up a job because it isn't easy to find another one.

Ormirian · 14/09/2011 14:48

I earned enough to pay for a reasonably priced CM. I suspect at the time when I needed childcare for my 2 oldest I couldn't have afforded a nursery.

Ormirian · 14/09/2011 14:49

BTW if you have any money left over you can afford it. You might make the judgement that you don't want to but that is a different argument,

MyMaisyMouse · 14/09/2011 15:05

Jenai I don't think the OP is a physics teacher, I said I was.
The overcrowding in primary teaching and certain secondary subjects has been around for a long time. On my PGCE every physics trainee received more job offers than they needed, many of the primary trainees spent years looking for work. There is a big imbalance.

Of course, I don't know if I will struggle to find another position. But it is more than worth the risk.

Treats I know you haven't meant to offend but do you think you can only pass on a good work ethic to your DC if both parents are in paid employment.
I also value and want to teach that hard work is a necessary part of life, essential to put in the effort if they expect to enjoy the rewards, to appreciate that DH and I work hard to afford the things that they enjoy, not to taking money for granted, that there is an expectation that they will get a job and support themselves as adults.
Its about how you bring them up, what values and attitudes you instil in them as a family, it isn't down to how many hours you work. There is no reason I can't teach those values as a SAHM. I feel as if you think I am giving them a bad example, like I am sponging off my DH and my girls will grow up thinking they won't need to work for anything.
I guess I'm being oversensitive. But I have worked damn hard to get to where we are, our first mortgage was on my income because DH used to be on a lot less. Actually, I think I set a damn fine example to my DD.

UsAndTwo · 14/09/2011 15:07

I have 2 DC and went back to work part time when the first was 7months and then again when the second was 13 months. For the first 4 years I was probably cost neutral, certainly not contributing much to the household, but the job I am in took a lot of training for and I knew if I gave up work I would not be able to return at the level I was at. Now the children are 8 and 11 as I work part time I no longer have to pay for any childcare so overall I think it was worth it.

moonbells · 14/09/2011 15:25

I did all the maths on nursery costs before we started ttc. I guess that sounds really clinical to some folk but at the time in 2006 I was sole earner (and was until earlier this year) so I had to make sure I could foot all the bills and childcare out of my wage. Wasn't easy though, even on a reasonably good wage.

Fees for round here are extortionate, as I've said in other threads. A non-subsidised month full-time is about £1200 at the on-site nursery. It covers a 9-5:30 day. (If you need to cover travelling time to and from your own work, then it's another £9 an hour or part of.)

This equates to a minimum of £14400 after tax, or about £18000 gross (assuming no pension contributions!)

What gets me annoyed is that nursery nurses, even senior ones, earn vastly less than this!

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 14/09/2011 15:29

Sorry MyMaisyMouse , I know the OP hadn't stated that she's a Physics teacher - I just meant that in some specialisms she might be OK, but in others not so. I imagine a lot also depends on what the market is like in the areas she'll be moving to.

She seemed to assume that she would be able to find a job - which is pretty naive imo and it seems such a shame to jeopardise a career like that.

aldiwhore · 14/09/2011 15:30

Sorry but mymaisymouse that's utter bollocks. I have a good work ethic, mymum was a SAHM until I went to secondary school (I have a much younger sibling) but one of the hardest working people I have ever met, as is my dad. I worked from age 14 (part time, but more hours than most) and then full time until Uni, where I worked part time again. I have a good work ethic, and so will my children, because I'm not a slave to the family, but a mother who stays at home with her small children doing what many a decent CM does.

I actually work very hard AND take my role as a SAHM very seriously. You may not have meant to offend but your sweeping statement HAS I'm afraid.

aldiwhore · 14/09/2011 15:31

Eeek sorry mymaisymouse you were quoting - red mist, apologies!!

treats feel my wrath!!

Original poster
tinky19 · 14/09/2011 15:38

Hello again
Alphine, where did I say I expected my parents to look after my DC? Confused
Jenai, I will have to find a new job any way as I have said we are moving 250 miles. The question I am posing myself on finding out that we will only be increasing our family income by £100 is, do I do that next Sept, after SML or do I wait a few years until childcare is more affordable.
I am currently undecided about being a SAHM, and am saying that this (ok a little to late but that's hormones for you) realisation of just how much we'd be paying out has tipped things for me.

OP posts:
AlpinePony · 14/09/2011 15:47

tinky in your first post you say your parents do the childcare. You don't need to say the words explicitly for the meaning to be implicit! Confused

If you'd been living away 250 miles already you'd have faced this problem before.

minervaitalica · 14/09/2011 15:52

YANBU in the sense that childcare is very expensive.

But... It sounds to me you really do not want to go back to work in general... From what you told us you are really better off working in the short term (1200GBP a year) and the long term (pension, other benefits you might get as a teacher, your skills will be kept up...).

If you want to be a SAHM and you can afford it, then do it. You will be at a disavantage in the job market once you go back, but if you think being a SAHM is more important, do it... (I personally could not be a SAHM... I stayed at home for 16 months and it literally drove me nuts...)

whackamole · 14/09/2011 15:53

We can only afford it because we claim CTC. There. I said it.

We are better off with us both in work, both financially and mentally. But we are both low wage earners.

CactusRash · 14/09/2011 15:55

tinky i can honestly understand why the cost of childcare has tipped things over for you.

I have done the same thing but I have found by experience that it wasn't the right thing to do. As I said there are plenty of reasons why you might find yourself with the need of an income sharp ish. It can be your DH has been made redundant, he might be ill, you might be ill and unable to look after your dcs, you might want to get divorce. I am sure none of these sound like real possibilities just now but by moving from two incomes to one, you are taking risks that weren't there before.
I really think it's something to consider.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 14/09/2011 15:56

Well yes you'd be looking for a new job - but finding that job might take a very long time. In which case the SAHP option will be enforced.

What is the job market like for teachers in your new area? If it's difficult then I really think you ought to start looking for posts sooner rather than later.

Bugsy2 · 14/09/2011 15:59

Childcare is never going to be cheap, but you can make it manageable if you are flexible. I used a childminder for 4 years, then I used a combination of nursery & a nanny & then for 6 years I used aupairs. Lived in a small 3 bed house, so kids shared a room & we all had to manage with one tiny bathroom & it was a pain having someone live in the house at times - but it did make childcare very affordable. Now, I use a combination of after school clubs & nanny. As ever, it really depends what your priorities are.

Original poster
tinky19 · 14/09/2011 16:03

Alpine I have no idea what you are talking about tbh. I didn't expect parents to look after DS, they offered and are very upset we are leaving and as I said I am still working at my original school at the moment until maternity leave in Oct.
I do not understand why it annoys so many people that I do not want to work and be away from my children 3 days a week for £100 a month. All I am saying that imo it is not worth it. I'm not trying to hide the fact that I would like to be a SAHM, but I was/am more than happy to go out to work to make a 'good' contribution to our family finances. Don't ask what I think a 'good' contribution is as I'm not to sure at the moment but it would need to be more than £100 a month.

OP posts:
Original poster
tinky19 · 14/09/2011 16:04

Posts for Sept 2012 wont relly be out until May 12 Jenai

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Original poster
tinky19 · 14/09/2011 16:05

really not relly

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AlpinePony · 14/09/2011 16:09

Fine. Moan at me as much as you like, it doesn't change anything. If you never "expected" your parents to take such a financial burden from your shoulders I presume you paid them the going rate right?

If you didn't do the sums before you got pregnant then I hope you're not a maths teacher.

BeattieBow · 14/09/2011 16:10

but you're not just working for £100, you're working for job satisfaction, to maintain a career, to have a pension, because in the not very distant future your kids will be at school and you'll have more time and get more money from it.

If you take the long term view there are lots of possible advantages to working now if you want to. You just have to consider whether they outweigh the desire for you to be at home with your dcs now.

Original poster
tinky19 · 14/09/2011 16:11

no but i do have a fisrt class degree in mathematics! Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
tinky19 · 14/09/2011 16:11

first

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