to ask how many mums out there can actually afford to go to work?

[tinky19]

Ok, so I'll start by saying I'll win all prizes for ignorance with this but please bear with me.
DS is 16mo and DC2 is due in Dec. Now, up until my maternity leave starts we have been very fortunate to have GPs looking after DS so I have worked 3 days a week.
DH has now got a new job so we are moving 250 mile away from all family and having looked into child care, I've realised we can't afford for me to work. It's not like I have a badly paid job (I'm a teacher) but at most after paying childcare I'd have £100 a month left from my pay.
Now I know some mums would choose to work anyway but unless I'm really makibng an extra contribution, I'd rather be at home with me children.
So how do people afford it? Are you all high powered, high earners? This is a genuine question and I'm not critising anybodies choice to be a working mum or SAHM.
Thanks

tinky - another thing to consider (it happened to us) is that although you may not be the main breadwinner now, if anything happened to your partner's job, you would at least have YOUR income to count on (if that makes sense). Hopefully that wouldn't happen, but in these times there's less job security than ever.....

kenobi I did look into a nanny but in my area everyone did this face --> when I asked about it. I then looked into it further to find that there aren't really any agencies around here ('oop north') and it isn't the done thing. I felt uncomfortable not going through an agency and the only agencies I did find serving the area were very expensive, with a very different target demographic to little 'ole me!

I could have gone with a CM for slightly cheaper but again it wasn't a significant amount different.

Of course, if the extra £150 I could earn a month would make a difference to us I would work FT unquestioningly, but as long as we are very careful then DHs income is enough for the next few years. It goes without saying that if it meant putting food on the table I would work evenings or something.

My bank account will never recover from paying out full time childcare but now my son is at school full time things are getting a bit easier and my mum is being lovely and collecting from school each day. Despite it being a hard struggle I could never stay at home as I know my quality of life would be awful.

We afford it because we use salary sacrifice vouchers for nursery, my DH is a shift worker (police) and my parents have her for any time not already covered. I work 27 hours over 4 days and DD is in nursery for 15 of them. It costs us a bit less than £264 per month and I earn just over £1100. So for us it is definitely worth me going out to work. If we had to put her into nursery for the whole time it would cost around £450 so it would still be worth me working

In my circle of friends, the people with the best balance seem to be those with family who help out.
One of my friends does pretty much exactly what OhDearNigel, she says without her mum helping out they wouldn't be able to make ends meet every month.

We planned in advance that I would take a few years out of work and whilst all our friends have been buying bigger houses and doing house extensions we have moved to a smaller house with more manageable mortgage costs, lower heating bills, lower council tax rate and so on. Making all those changes has meant we can afford to tread water financially whilst I'm at home with the DDs and I'll go back to work later.

Sure, my career will never recover completely but I still wouldn't change it.

Ah, thanks for replying mymaisymouse, interesting. I have an American friend who comes over here a lot and she is baffled by the British embarrassment around nannies/housekeepers/cleaners etc. Sounds like it's even more intense northwards.

Sorry for the hijack tinky, as you were!

Kenobi No, its not an embarrassment, its just the idea that people like celebrities and politicians have nannies, normal people can't afford to.

I'd have a cleaner, send my laundry out and all of that in the blink of an eye if I could!

i can afford to work ful time as my xh pays the nursery fees for our youngest. As a single parent i really had no other option than to work full time, unless i was to choose to stay at home and receive benefits.
I worked for years as a midwife in the NHS but upon single parentdom had to give it up and now work in an office in a managerial position. the hours and pay as a midwife were not conducive to our family. childcare would have been needed for all 4 children then and irregular hours, nights as well. Also the pay even at a higher band still didnt match what i earn now.
I earn enough to pay my own rent, diesel, food shopping, utilities and pay for the odd holiday. if my xh didnt pay the childcare (full time nursery, before and after school club for the 9 and 5 yr old) then i would be worse off working as my current rate of pay means i receive £10 per week in ctc and no childcare help.

OP - I'm in your position. i'm expecting number 2 and will have to find the money for two lots of childcare when I return to work. Unlike you, there's never been any family help, so we had our eyes open about the implications before we decided on having a second.

I'm staying at home until my SMP runs out. Once I return, after the costs of childcare and travel, our net income will be less than while I'm on mat leave. So, given that it makes barely any difference, why go back to work?

• Because I want to - I've always worked and earned a wage and derive a great deal of satisfaction from it.
• Because my employers want me to - I'm a valued member of staff, and they don't want to lose me.
• Because it will set a good example to my children
• Because although there's no benefit in the short term, childcare costs will reduce gradually (preschool hours will kick in for DC1 once I've been back 5 months, then she'll be at full time school 18 months later, and so on) - and we'll start to see increasing net take home pay as long as I'm still in work.
• Because DH might lose his job, and we then at least have one salary to rely on.
• Because, should the worst happen and DH and I are no longer a couple, we'll both have the wherewithal to start afresh - hopefully meaning that a split can be managed without too much rancour.

But - I sympathise with you. Once the economic benefit of working is taken away, you need to have some other reason to do it. And if you'd rather be at home with your children, then that's something you're free to choose. But do have a long, hard think about the long term, rather than the immediate future. Once you give up your right to return to work after maternity leave, it's a LOT harder to find a new job.

I work term time only, within school hours and have two dds in FT education. Means means I spend exactly zero Great British Pounds on childcare.

When dd2 was in PT ed (nursery) I worked slightly shorter hours and paid approx £60 pcm on childcare.

I work 2 days and 2 hours per week. My mum has dd1 for the Monday, and she goes to nursery on the Wednesday. Dp looks after the dc on the Thursday for the 2 hours (he works his shifts around this)

Dd2 (6 wks old) will go to nursery both days until she is 1 as long as my mum wants to have her on the Monday.

My mum has asked for thus as she lives 40 min away and misses my dd's.

I am going to be in this position when I go back to work after my next baby, but I have decided it is worth it as it will only be for 6- 9 months as my daughter will start school in the August. Painfull yes, but better than trying to find another job I enjoy.

Sorry this means

Ooh just to clarify mymaisymouse - I didn't mean you being embarrassed, just all your friends being about you asking.

I'm typing too fast for my own good today.

I can't afford not to work. I go back in 2 weeks. We can't pay the bills on one income. Luckily(?) my salary will cover the money I currently pay into the bills account plus childcare so we can keep the house, everyone fed etc. DH can't afford to pay toward childcare as all his income goes on bills and transport costs as it is. But it doesn't matter whose money it officially is as long as everything gets paid. There won't be anything much for luxuries which will be a wrench for DS1 though! I wish it were the other way round and I could give up work. The one bonus is that when DS2 is no longer at nursery and we have all that money again we will feel loaded

Treats Do you think as a SAHM I'm setting my DDs a bad example??

I have friends who were in well paid jobs with good benefits pre-DC who can now find nothing but the lowest paid work since their DC started school. They very much regret taking such a short term view to the cost vs advantages.

We don't have to yet but if necessary DH and I would pay for me to stay in my job (as far as we could afford it). It took me 15 years to get to where I am, I could never get as good a job again. Once the DC are at school there will be some financial reward again, that's what we will have to aim for. We have GPs who will help out in exceptional circumstances (CM illness or holiday we can't cover) otherwise we manage because I only work 4 days and DH has a flexible day he can spend at home with DS. Sometimes with a bit of imagination and cooperation from employers, you can come up with a workable solution.

Is it less difficult for a teacher to return after a few years' absence so the penalty is not so great? I only ask because the OP and MyMaisyMouse both sound pretty relaxed about going back in their own time.

Without wishing to nitpick, this thread is titled incorrectly! There are two questions: 1, who can afford to go to work? & 2, who wants to work? The answer to the first question will depend on what the alternatives are. As a single parent, for me the alternative to not going to work is claiming benefit. Personally, I couldn't do that. I am healthy & capable of working - therefore I work. I don't earn megabucks, as I work for a charity but I earn enough to cover household bills & childcare for two children. My childcare costs have varied over the years & I have used a number of different types of childcare. At the moment my two are at school & during the month of August, I make a loss because I have to pay so much for holiday cover. However, over the year I hold my own, pay tax & even manage one week's holiday abroad for the 3 of us. I am fairly sure my quality of life is better working that claiming benefits. I would like to spend more time with my children - but I can't afford to. Perhaps we should start a thread, who can afford to spend time with their children?

Whether someone wants to work or spend more time with their children is a lifestyle choice. Only the individual concerned can answer that one!

Quenelle I'm a secondary physics teacher and most schools struggle to recruit physics teacher, its one area that is easier to get back into than others. Not easy as such, but easier.

I know that as a family we will never have the income we could have had if we hadn't decided that one of us would stay at home with the children, but thats ok. We'll never be rich, but I know what I want out of life and it isn't about the bank balance.

I can only afford to work because family members offered to do the childcare. Without that I would have become a SAHM (and would have slowly gone insane, I fear).

Sorry I realise my post is no help at all

MyMaisyMouse I'm sorry - I didn't mean to offend.

The example I want to set to my children is that hard work is a necessary part of life and that it's essential to put in the effort if they expect to enjoy the rewards. I want them to appreciate that DH and I work hard to afford the things that they enjoy. I don't want them ever to take money and the lifestyle it buys for granted. I want them both (I have a DD and I'm expecting a DS) to grow up with the expectation that they will get a job and support themselves, and that this is the route to exercising the greatest amount of choice over their own lives, which is the most likely way to be happy and contented.

That's the example I intend to set by going out to work, and it's a motivation for me (although not the only one). But it's a purely personal thing - not everyone will feel the same. I'm sure you're setting a good example in a different way for your DDs, which reflects the things that you value.

Nothing I've said about what's important to me should be taken to mean that I think it should be important for you or to imply that the things you value are less important.

OP - we are in exactly the same situation. i'm a teacher, two DCs. If I'd gone back to work I's have bought in a net of about £100 a month. For us having our children looked after by someone else was too high a price to pay for £100 a month. Also I get boring things done in the week so we don't have to do shopping, cleaning etc at the weekend. If I was working life would be much, much more stresfull.
I do worry about what work I'll find, I'm not sure I'll go back to teaching. Having to do work in the evenings and afterschool stuff is not great for family life. Also I haven't worked out how if I need to be at school at 8/8.30 but dcs not till later and I finish after them I'd be able to do the school run (DH works even longer). QUite sad really because I did enjoy teaching and the thought of the holidays is good! But I just can't see how we'd make it work.

We fall in to an insanely small minority who did our sums before ditching contraception.

YAB doubly U to expect your parents to look after your children.

I get the impression that teaching is becoming more and more difficult to return to after a prolonged break. Certainly NQTs are struggling to find posts.

Clearly OP if you're a secondary Physics teacher it might be easier, but primary teaching posts and posts in other Secondary subjects where I live attract absurd numbers of applicants (so I'm told).

I know a number of qualified teachers who are working as LSAs/TAs because "proper" posts are too hard to bag.

I wouldn't take the risk tbh.