Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to consider taking my DD out of a perfectly good school to HE?

336 replies

FigsAndWine · 13/09/2011 22:09

I am considering taking my 8 year old DD out of school and home educating. My reasons and reservations are detailed here

I've read a bit about HE and I'm feeling more and more that I want to do this. The two people whom I thought would be really negative about this (my best friend and my DM) have been very positive about it and think it would benefit DD. My DP thinks I'm a bit nuts (but then he does anyway... Grin ) but will support my decision. My exDP (DD's dad) is also in a good postion to HE, as he is self employed and therefore flexible with his time, and is very involved with DD.

The school DD is at is a good one. It is over-subscribed, good with outstanding features according to ofsted. I just think that DD would thrive more out of a school environment. It will be a squeeze financially to afford extras (trips, classes, activities), but we could manage. I work part time and could fit HE around this.

The reason I'm posting in aibu is because I know all the reasons why I want to do this; I guess I want to hear some opposing opinions so I can feel whether they are enough to make me change my mind.

Fire away! Grin

OP posts:
bumbleymummy · 17/09/2011 09:20

but in my own....

MumblingRagDoll · 17/09/2011 09:22

ragged there are a million reasons people HS....they do not affect the results.

The people mentioned are very bright and their missing some school made no difference to their success.

exoticfruits · 17/09/2011 09:30

My friend's HEed DS was very good at drama, he was very shy and it let him play parts. He got as far as tha National Youth Theatre. Most of the DCs he was acting with were at school and it is a nonsense to say they are better if they don't go to school! You could watch a whole stage of them and you wouldn't be able to tell!
However, if they don't go to school it is good to get very involved with something and drama is a good outlet.

bumbleymummy · 17/09/2011 09:35

Where did I say they are better if they don't go to school? I said the groups outside school were better than the 'in school' drama clubs in my own experience. It's great if your school has a good drama club, not all schools do and the local drama clubs allow you to meet children from all different schools (and HE kids) in your area.

ragged · 17/09/2011 09:39

Exotic is right to point out that HE becomes a lifestyle, even if you don't mean it to.

Not sure what you mean about "Results", Mumbling? Yes bright people will often do well in spite of what life throws at them. So can quite dim people, for that matter...

I mean, Whoopi Goldberg/Caryn Johnson obviously landed well on her feet... but no qualifications to her name? heroin addiction at 17? Mother at 18? Separated at 19? Waiting tables in the day and putting makeup on corpses at night to make ends meet? Divorced at 25? Grandmother at 34? But I don't think her life tells us anything about HE, tbh. She doesn't slot into anything, not fully Jewish not simply black not truly HEd not a long-time addict, or from a truly rough deprived background, etc. Touches of all that in her background, but nothing dominant that makes sense to link to her life path; she's just unique, I dare say.

The Phoenix family (River, Leaf, Joaquin, Summer, etc.) are a more typical example of home-schooled kids being successful, I would have thought. They were HE'd long before any of them were performers, and their parents passionate proponents of HE if I remember rightly. Did most of them end up with no qualifications, too, though?

FagButt · 17/09/2011 09:43

Even HRH THE QUEEN was He'd !

MumblingRagDoll · 17/09/2011 10:00

Ragged I'm not sure what you're trying to say....but by results I mean the finished product...the person.

People HE for all kinds of reasons...they always will. It doesn't affect anyone elese so why do some people need to denigrate it so much? If it were as bad as people make out then it woudn't be legal would it?

FagButt · 17/09/2011 10:24

The most important thing to remember out of all of this, is does the child want to be HE. Are they happy being HE'd?

If yes, to both of the above, then it is absolutely the right thing to do.

Schooling is for a long time. An unhappy child in school, for whatever reasoncan and does ruin lives.

Equally the same if a child is only being HE'd for the parents benefit, that is wrong.

I HE'd for a number of years. It was not my decision. I was moie than happy to do it for the dc. I am not a teacher, but we managed IGCSE's without a problem. We bought the text books (around £16 per subject) studied it together, practice papers, and paid for external examination. Around £35 per subject if you are in early enough with your booking. Obviously some exam centres which are specifcally set up for this can charge upwards of £150 per subject. It need not be expensive.

dc returned to school and settled in without issue. When they wanted to return.

Everybody happy!

juuule · 17/09/2011 11:51

"If it were as bad as people make out then it woudn't be legal would it?"

It is illegal in some countries.

juuule · 17/09/2011 11:53

"Schooling is for a long time. An unhappy child in school, for whatever reason can and does ruin lives."

I completely agree with this and for this reason (among others) hope that HE stays a legal option in this country and think that it should be legal everywhere.

ImperialBlether · 17/09/2011 12:03

FagButt, you say: "Even HRH THE QUEEN was He'd !"

Of course she wasn't home educated in the sense that it's meant here. She was educated at home, but not by her parents. That's completely different.

juuule · 17/09/2011 12:12

"was educated at home, but not by her parents."

Presumably the queen didn't attend a school, then. So she was home-educated. I don't know any details of her education but highly likely she had tutors, but then there are home-educators (of the ) who use the services of tutors. There are many variations of home-ed. I don't have an absolute definition but I would think home-ed is about not attending full-time school.

juuule · 17/09/2011 12:14

(of the) = (of the kind indicated by this thread)

ImperialBlether · 17/09/2011 12:36

Juuule, I think you are being a bit disingenuous here, to be honest. When we refer to HE on this site, we mean the children's parents play a very large part in their education. Even those home educators who use tutors would use them only for specific lessons, don't you think?

FagButt · 17/09/2011 12:42

Imperial - I don't think you understand the concept of HE!!!

It can take many forms. At home, soley by the parents, going to a tutor, or tutor coming to you. Home Ed groups who learn together. Being taught different things by friends and members of the wider family. Or even completely self taught.

It is such a diverse subject, and everybody adapts to their own way.

There is no norm as you say mentioned on here.

For instance HE friends of ours have a strict timetable of subjects which they study as they would at school, i.e 30 min per subject, lunch, sport etc.

We were of the hour or so per day formal, and the rest of the day we were out and about. Both families have success with gcse's. No right or wrong.

There is no MN 'way of thinking HE works'

It is so individual, with the common purpose of a child being educated 'outside of school'

ImperialBlether · 17/09/2011 12:49

Of course I understand the concept of HE. Don't patronise me. I have taught many students in Sixth Form who were home educated and it's something I've had a lot of discussions about, both with the students, their parents and others.

I just don't think that it's reasonable for someone on this thread to point out, in favour of HE, that the Queen was HE.

One of my biggest complaints about HE is that the parents often have no knowledge of how to teach and often lack the actual knowledge to teach anything useful. Anyone can HE. There's no test. Perfectly inadequate people can set themselves up to teach their children at home and there's nothing that can be done about it.

FagButt · 17/09/2011 12:59

You have a very narrowminded opinion of others who do not hold a teaching qualification.

You are right, there is not test and anyone can HE. Some may be more successful than others. Likewise a student can attend school for their entire childhood and walk away with sod all.

And there are a great many inadequate teachers out there! Read the threads on here for starters.

The Queen was HE. She did not attend school. She was educated at home. Therefore she was HE. (Home Educated)

ragged · 17/09/2011 13:01

I agree with you Imperial, It makes no more sense to cite the Queen as an example of the "results" of HE as it does to cite Eton as representative of what it's like to be educated away from home.

ragged · 17/09/2011 13:04

Moreover, do we all take it as instructive that the Queen chose not to educate her own children at home?

Can anyone find a list of leading figures of industry, science or law who were predominantly home-educated? I'm a lot more interested in people like that than actors and monarchs, to be honest!!

ragged · 17/09/2011 13:07

Business-people, some of whom qualify. Although most were not mostly home-schooled.

FagButt · 17/09/2011 13:08

I am just stating that she was HE, not her successes or failures, just that she was!

It was used as an example of someone who did not attend school.

I am not anti schools btw. As I said my dc were HE when they wanted to and went to school when they chose to in later years.

ragged · 17/09/2011 13:14

More business people. But most people in that link were born at least 100 years ago.

Williams sisters were, but damn... I cannot find a single modern acclaimed scientist. Sandra Day O'connor was partly home-edded (until teen years), that's as modern as it seems to get in the legal professional.

juuule · 17/09/2011 13:18

I'm not completely sure what you mean Blethers.
Are you saying someone is home-educated only if the parents do the majority of the teaching?

Going off section 7 of the 1996 education act which says: .

'The parent of every child of compulsory school age shall cause him to receive efficient full time education suitable a) to his age ability and aptitude, and b) any special educational needs he may have, either by attendance at a school or otherwise

then if the queen wasn't at school then I'm assuming the otherwise bit was the case. Which is home-education. It doesn't mean it has to be in the home although it could be. It doesn't mean that the parents have to be the main teachers although they could be. It just means alternative arrangements to attending school.

I suppose you could argue that the queen had her own school in her home and worked school hours with her own teachers I can't comment on that as I don't know, just as I don't know whether she did an hour each morning and did other things for the rest of the day.

Is it the fact that she had qualified tutors?

I also didn't realise that there was a narrow definition for home-ed on mn.

FagButt · 17/09/2011 13:22

One cannot really compare the numbers of successful business people without looking closer into the numbers of schooled and HE.

Obviously far fewer did not attend school so difficult to judge like that.

BUT something must be good HE wise as more and more people are looking into it, or removing their children from school, or deciding against it in the first place.

Many people (until the days of the internet) were completely unaware it happened or that it was legal. Now we have the awareness that we can choose to educate our children, and with the support of the internet, online resources, free downloads, online lessons etc, it is becoming much easier to do, and the numbers are constantly growing.

ImNotMyselfToday · 17/09/2011 13:28

I would be interested to see information on the career choices of HE students compared to their non HE contemporaries. How well does HE prepare students for the more disciplined occupations: eg nursing, police, armed forces. Many of these are career choices made straight from school. Does HE have any impact?

It is perfectly possible that self-disciplined students will be self-disciplined whatever their educational background and that HE has no impact.

Anyway I would be curious if there are statistics available.