to consider taking my DD out of a perfectly good school to HE?

[FigsAndWine]

I am considering taking my 8 year old DD out of school and home educating. My reasons and reservations are detailed here

I've read a bit about HE and I'm feeling more and more that I want to do this. The two people whom I thought would be really negative about this (my best friend and my DM) have been very positive about it and think it would benefit DD. My DP thinks I'm a bit nuts (but then he does anyway... ) but will support my decision. My exDP (DD's dad) is also in a good postion to HE, as he is self employed and therefore flexible with his time, and is very involved with DD.

The school DD is at is a good one. It is over-subscribed, good with outstanding features according to ofsted. I just think that DD would thrive more out of a school environment. It will be a squeeze financially to afford extras (trips, classes, activities), but we could manage. I work part time and could fit HE around this.

The reason I'm posting in aibu is because I know all the reasons why I want to do this; I guess I want to hear some opposing opinions so I can feel whether they are enough to make me change my mind.

Fire away!

YANBU

I'm thinking of HE my 8 year old, who is also at a good school (outstanding OFSTED).

My child is in a class of 30. I could do more with him one to one in a couple of hours than he does in 6 hours at school, what with all the fannying about they do, and the daydreaming he does.

"What makes people think it's so easy to educate a young child?"

Most things are hard to do if you're trying to do them for 30 children at the same time.

"Most teachers teach in teams, with lots of brainstorming and resources from other schools. How would someone on their own manage?"

Jane Austen
Mary Shelley
Charlotte Bronte
Emily Dickinson

I think you'll find that some of the most brilliant women of the 18th and 19th century received their education at home from their parents, and from governesses who had good subject knowledge but no specific training in how to teach. And of course this was in the days before the internet, public libraries, wonderful teaching resources etc.

Really - anyone would think that prior to the creation of schools, even children from literate families with a love of education were running around like wolves.

Parents have always been their children's primary teachers.

CailinDana Agreed in full but I must ad i feel this is more about how op feels about school and not her dd if children had the choice to go to school the schools would be empty

Also agree about the bullying simply buy home schooling her wony address the bullying it will just delay it till collage or uni

Teaching her ressilance,wit and resolution skills would do better

My dd was bullyied to the point he wanted to end it all and I thought about pulling him out in his darkest moments to be honest the thing that helped the most was self asteam classes

And to be honest I am not sure why your shouting at a 8 year old to get ready she is by far old enough to get her self ready my dd at six would often be ready and waiting for me when I work up

I would turn your attention to teaching her thoses skills before academic stuff

I have taught classes of 30 and I've taught one on one and in many ways I've found the one on one a lot lot harder. With 30 kids thing bustle along quite quickly, you have the input of a lot of minds, there's banter and discussion, and of course bad behaviour but every minute of it the children are learning something, whether it's the topic or some aspect of discipline and self control, or something about one of their classmates' lives. On your own with a child it's very silent, very slow, there's very little to dilute the intensity of being face to face and it is incredibly dull for both teacher and child. Teaching in that context has to be done in very short bursts to avoid fatigue and annoyance which leaves yawning gaps in the day which aren't filled by other children or playing but by more academic work, which is valuable of course but the child misses out on the formless social learning that those moments would be filled with at school.

I thought Charlotte Bronte went to the Roe Head school?

Re: school socialising children effectively, judging from my dd's experience at a local secondary school, what this involves is learning your place in the social pecking order, which is generally arranged according to how good looking you are and how good you are at sports.

And about how to conform to social norms - which generally means having the same opinions as everyone else, wearing the same clothes , listening to the same music, and using the same language as everyone else. While at the same time insisting that the way you dress, talk, act is a sign or your unique personality and individuality. And knowing that if you dare to be truly different you'll probably be bullied and ostracised.

It's depressing. When else in life are you forced to socialise in massive groups of peers like this? It reflects nothing of my working life or my normal social or family life since leaving school.

And there's no evidence that children who attend school are better adjusted than children who are home educated, or that they achieve more academically.

My. Vote is know to the he and for mum to go and see someone she seems very anxious about education and needs to calm down

What you're describing titty is the experience of a child who has very low self esteem. Yes school can be a difficult place but rather than running away from it a child should be encouraged to stand up for themselves. I was a gawky teenager who was geeky and wore braces and glasses but I was ridiculously confident and I adored school. People tried to bully me and didn't succeed. It taught me a lot in preparation for life IMO.

I'm just thinking of all the active learning strategies I used in the 5 classes I taught today. They couldn't be done by one child alone, and are a big part of deep learning. I wouldn't do it myself, but best of luck with whatever you decide. Not sure how full-time he and part-time job go together either!

Gaaaah!!! Fuckity fuckity MN not working for me; it's taken all this time to load to the bottom of the bloody page.

Am reading and considering all replies and really appreciate them all. Will reply in more detail when website working again.

And then that just loaded instantly.

Cailin - perhaps you should try to find out about what HE is like for people who do it?

Not everyone tries to create the same type of learning experience at home as you'd find at school. And they generally spend vastly less time on formal teaching and more time on self-directed learning. And most people report that a couple of hours a day is plenty to ensure a child isn't falling massively behind their school educated peers.

I say -the proof of the pudding..... There are many, many parents who successfully home educate. I don't think it's fair to keep insisting that HE simply can't or won't work, when parents who do it generally claim otherwise.

Having experienced it myself I am completely and totally against HE. I hated it. I don't know why parents think school is a forced situation unless you think your children will never work and will stay at home forever. School with all its rules is good work preparation.

I found HE isloating and miserable and i got so sick of the sight of my mother I wanted to cry. There was no area of my life she didn't have control of.

Charlotte did go to school for a while, but I'm sure she was taught at home too.

tittybangbang - Tittybangbang well you must work in a truly mystical place even the work place has a pecking order the most popular the bosses pet the slacker who is either always off sick or looking like they are working when always on face book,the office slut

So don't agree in life we have pecking orders at uni, work, family

Those who dare to step out side as you say are seen differently

Sometimes cool
Sometimes quirky
Sometimes wired

But a lot is how you see your self

And sometimes conforming to social norms is not a bad thing as adults we do it all the time

I like to walk around naked but I would not do it Out side of my hime because I am conforming to the social norm of wearing clothing

I'm not insisting HE won't work titty, it's just that I've had experience of it (teaching other children rather than my own) and IMO it carries a lot of difficulties, which the OP was asking about. If a parent is very dedicated and has a great relationship with the child then it can work well from an academic point of view but IMO the child always loses out on the social side of things.

Thanks Waldorf.

I don't agree that HE is always wrong- but in this particular case, I think it would meet the OP's needs rather than the child's.

"What you're describing titty is the experience of a child who has very low self esteem. Yes school can be a difficult place but rather than running away from it a child should be encouraged to stand up for themselves."

Bollocks to that. My dd has got very good self esteem, incredible self confidence and has loads of friends.

School is a often a socially brutal environment in the inner city. Even good schools with well-motivated teachers. Kids are hugely judgemental and very conformist. If you found yourself in a work environment where continuous low level rudeness and cliqueyness were part of the fabric of every day life, you'd take yourself out of it.

A1980 how very sad for you and I can easily see how that constant intense interaction would be very toxic.

I think he is fab for long term sick who cannot get to school
Or for those were school is just not working eg effecting the education after all other types of schools have be exhausted
or were a child is a risk to others education

But to remove a child from a outstanding school were their achieving to try out a unknown quaintly is just mad

I have worked in ten different work places at last count and every single one of them had low level rudeness and cliqueyness. IMO people don't improve as adults, they just take playground behaviour into the office. Being able to deal with that is a very very important life skill.

What about social interaction of your child?
Learning to find a place within her peer group?
All vital skills for her future life without you by her side.
Sending child to school is about academic learning/achievement, but it is also about social skills, bundled all together should produce young person not only academically fit for life, but also socially.YABU

"but IMO the child always loses out on the social side of things."

The social environment at school isn't for everyone.

Some people don't want to socialise in massive groups of their immediate peers.
And why the fuck should they? It's the last thing you want to do as an adult. TBH I think it's the least helpful thing for my children. I find my children are happiest and most relaxed when they're in smaller, mixed age groups, which is a fairly normal feature of their lives as they are part of a big extended family who all live locally.

Maypole 1 - children who are educated at home do conform to social norms. Just not SCHOOL norms.

As for your work-place - well, good luck to you. Where do you work? A call centre or something? Where I work we don't engage in that sort of stupid stereotyping, thank god.

tittybangbang - Tittybangbang not really I have bills to pay

My boss is a twat I get paid shit and some of my work mates I could happily leave them with their hair set of fire and I know for a fact they would back stab you in a heart beat to save their own skin

Majotry of people work in places were a few people are ok but most are complete nobs and the office politics is more than they can bare often

But people don't leave because their experience you had at school teaches you that most people are arses and you will get on with a few people and then just get on

A few points:

DD's preoccupation is with the negative interactions with the other children, not the positive ones. It's the rows and the insults that really upset her and prey on her mind. Not all of her interactions with the other children are negative, and DD is not shiningly blameless in all this; she's not the easiest person to get along with.

Yes I know she's tired and that this contributes to her grumpiness. She's a child who needs a lot of sleep, hence her bedtime is 7 - 7.30pm on school nights (she then reads for a while). I can't send her any earlier, and I don't know anyone else her age who goes to bed that early - our next door neighbour (same year at school) is still audible downstairs at 10pm quite often.

I'm not intending that she be at home with me all day every day! There's a local HE group in this area, and activities listed for every day of the week. My part time job is looking after an elderly lady. It's very flexible, and DD could usually come. She could also spend more time with her dad, who's in London so could take her to lots of museums, free activities etc, and with her DGPs who live right out in the country (she has loads of freedom to roam there).

But point taken about it being restrictive in having to constantly plan around her and her education, about not having my own space.

Cailin from what I've read about HE, sometimes people group together to hire tutors for certain subjects. DD would interact with other adults for things like karate (which she does already) and other sports. Her odd-mother runs a science class for primary aged children and I'd love her input. Just some ideas..

tittybangbang don't believe for one second that you don't have office politics

Unless all your work mates are just lovely all the time and every one sings combyya round the copy machine