PassTheTwiglets said ?My main concern when thinking about HE was the social side of it - not that my DD would lack social opportunities with HE (anybody who thinks that clearly knows nothing about HE!) but that it would be my responsibility. I'm not a very outgoing person and unless you already have a large network of friends (I don't) then you would presumably have to work hard at making these opportunities happen. I think I would find it quite hard to walk into a well-established group as the new girl and to get really involved in the HE scene. That might not bother you at all though!? Yes the social side does still bother me too, and for exactly the reasons you describe ? the responsibility aspect. I don?t doubt for a moment that the opportunities are out there, but there are days when I don?t want to see anyone, answer the phone, talk to people. On those days, I think it would be harder to motivate myself to take DD to sociable things. OTOH, I could always take her and bury my nose in a book ? win-win situation then. 
I must say that the HE group I went to yesterday was really friendly and welcoming. The facilitators both had a lovely chat with me, told me about people in my village/adjacent town, and introduced me to various people at the the group to ask questions; all of whom were very pleasant and happy to chat. I got the impression that the HE scene is a very open and welcoming one, and that you would be included easily if you chose to HE. I was amazed at how many activities and meets are available in my area ? something every day, and swimming lessons that are cheaper than at school 
). The yahoo mailing group for HE in SW Surrey is over 90 families, apparently. I was fascinated to find out that there are at least five families within a mile or so of me ? it?s very exciting discovering that they are living among us, like freemasons or swingers!
Flamingo I was reading the ?How children learn at home? book at the HE group yesterday ? very interesting. I?ve just looked at the idle parenting one on amazon and will get it from the library. I have to say, though, that I think I have being idle down pat in pretty much every area of my life... 
Regarding the authoritarian style of parenting, I feel like I should clarify what I meant again. It?s her manners and her arguing that I?m inflexible and authoritarian about. I will not tolerate her speaking rudely or refusing to do what she?s told, once I?ve made up my mind. I?m not a hovering parent at all though, and am thrilled more than happy for her to go off and amuse herself, be independent etc.
?I disagree that your relationship could worsen if you were to spend more time together. On the contrary, you may find that, with the extra time to spend cuddling, and talking, you may be able to work together to improve your relationship. I dread to think what my relationship with my children would be like if I had to coerce them to get ready for school each day and force them to do homework etc. with very little time to boost the good bits IYSWIM. I'm not saying that's how it is for all school kids, before anyone jumps down my throat, but I am also a highly strung, tense Mum and I know that the time I spent with my kids, were they in school, would be mostly negative, full of nagging and bickering. As it is, we do have a fair amount of that, but also hours and hours of snuggling on the sofa reading, visiting places together that we all enjoy, long conversations etc. to balance it out.?
This is exactly how I feel ? there?s so much time spent fire-fighting; getting her up in the mornings, constant chivvying to eat (drink) breakfast, brush hair, clean teeth etc. And for the bright spark who said ?oh my 6 year old is ready when I get up? well bully for you ? mine isn?t, and unless I want us to be late every day instead of some days, then I find I need to say ?DD, drink your smoothie? approximately 30 times per morning, or she will stretch it out over 45 mins (rather than the allotted 20 mins). 
Then after school, the almost inevitable meltdown as she decompresses from the day. When she?s at home with me we get on a lot better.
Having said that, after a day at home yesterday DD was bright and cheerful this morning, awake before I went in to her, and happy to go to school. Despite having been ?kicked in the stomach and it also hit me right in my vulva and I?d like to see how YOU would have wanted to eat your lunch after THAT happened to you? (shouted at me when I asked how her day was... ), she was cheerful this afternoon, talked enthusiastically about a story they read and analysed in school today, and has had a friend round. She?s still here, despite my saying ?only ?til 6.30? as they are so happy playing monopoly. Tbh I think five days school in a row is too much for DD to process without quite a bit of stress and meltdown. I can totally understand that, but I don?t know what to do about it. I can?t just take her out of school when she wants and needs time out, but I?m not sure that HE would be better in the long run either.
In any case, this thread has really helped me explore the feelings I have about HE versus mainstream education, what DD wants and needs, and what I would or wouldn?t be capable of giving her. I?m really grateful for all the very well thought out, insightful and useful posts that people have contributed. 