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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel irritated by friend claiming she is skint

56 replies

startofnewterm · 11/09/2011 20:29

A friend of mine is always moaning that she is skint. She regularly asks for lifts to save her on taxi money for nights out and is always borrowing things.

The thing is, she recently inherited a few hundred thousand and chose to buy property with it that she now rents out. She puts the rent into savings for her children which she intends to use to fund them through university.

It really gets on my nerves that she claims to be skint. She might not have alot of disposable income but thats because she has chosen to put all her rental money into savings. Something most people dont have the luxury of being able to do.

We are going out to dinner in a few weeks with lots of other friends and she has asked me to pick her up to save on taxi fare.

OP posts:
cookcleanerchaufferetc · 11/09/2011 20:31

Can't you tell her that you were going to get a taxi as you wanted a few drinks? If she drives, maybe she will offer you a lift this time?

Sandalwood · 11/09/2011 20:32

ikwym. One person's skint can be quite different to another's.
Some people say they're skint when they've got savings they won't tap into.

TattyDevine · 11/09/2011 20:32

Irritating. She's not so much skint as she is tight.

I just would not facilitate her, just don't drive her and try to ignore her cries of poor...

monkeypuzzeltree · 11/09/2011 20:32

But if you pick her up surely you will be sharing the taxi fare and thereby saving both of you money? Otherwise, say you're not going from home, so won't be passing by.

I can understand why it bothers you, but don't let it get to you by not lending things? What sort of things does she borrow? Can't you make an excuse not to lend?

Crosshair · 11/09/2011 20:33

Tell her to stop being tight. Wink

theincredibequeenofwands · 11/09/2011 20:36

I'd tell her you were planning on having a few drinks and aren't driving. May cost you more but will help break the cycle.

The trouble with doing things for people is that often they learn to expect it.

I ha similar issues with a friend textig 'phone me' if she wanted to chat. £189 phone bill later I learnt the hard way and had to just ignore her texts.

Stop lending her things. Stop giving her lifts. Is harsh but she'll need to learn.

kangers · 11/09/2011 20:37

If you pick her up its may be less taxi but you are driving with your petrol money- if she gives you money for petrol and you don't mind not drinking then don't wory. Otherwise share a taxi. I would just tell her what you think- cos she is being selfish and could take a bit from the rent money to live off.

Cocoflower · 11/09/2011 20:37

I think it is very sensible she is saving for her childrens future- she probably knows this is a one chance thing and doesnt want them ending up like her ,always struggling.

Anyway the rent might not cover that much once the mortage and tax are paid, and possible agent fee's.

However expecting you too pay for her lifts is not on! You shouldnt suffer either

Cereal · 11/09/2011 20:47

Tell her you're gradually saving up for a property to let out.

Original poster
startofnewterm · 11/09/2011 20:48

coco, there are no mortgage on any of the properties, she bought them with her inheritance so the rental income is all hers.

She did keep some of the inheritance back and went on an expensive 5 star holiday, bought a new sporty car and changed the interior of her house. Something I will never be able to afford.

Its really hard to say no because she is so nice. Part of me does think she is a bit tight, which is her perogative but not when its costing me time and money.

I'm not driving to the night out, I was planning on getting dh to drop me off, as I dont live too far from town but she lives about 7 miles away and wants us to either pick her up on the way (its in the opposite direction) or me to pick her up and bring her back to mine and dh drop us both off. Her dh is working away so she cant get a lift. I do feel a bit mean but I'm also slightly aggravated that she wont spend £10 on a taxi.

OP posts:
Original poster
startofnewterm · 11/09/2011 20:50

Cereal, I like that. Would love to say it but couldnt. Like I say, she is a really nice person. She plays the poor me card when her dh is away, but I think she is quite clever really (and secretly, quite well off).

OP posts:
MilkandWine · 11/09/2011 20:52

Don't give her a lift, tell her you want a few drinks and won't be taking the care, you aren't her designated driver.

People have different definitions of skint. I had (note the had Grin) a friend who was always skint yet I hardly saw her in the saw outfit twice. I recall one time when she owed me £70 and told me she couldn't afford to pay me back that month as she was broke. She then turned up at my house in a brand new pair of shoes and was utterly shameless about the fact!. Worse bit was they were shoes that I had really wanted to buy myself and that she had seen me admiring in a shop the week before. Only I couldn't afford them cos I had lent her money!

What things is she borrowing? Do you get them back? Some people just basically have a lot of brass neck and no shame. You need to be tough and play them at their own game.

Eglu · 11/09/2011 20:55

YANBU she is expecting you to go out of your way to get her. Tell her you won't have time to get her too, unless she wants to get a taxi to yours and then you can take her into town.

rookiemater · 11/09/2011 20:55

You aren't being mean if your DH was planning to drop you off. Tell her that you are happy to let DH give her a lift in if she makes your way to your house and likewise for going home or you will share a taxi home - you pay only what you would pay normally or a couple of quid less as its shared, and she pays less.
I'm happy to do a bit of ferrying around if I am driving, but not if its all one way.

Original poster
startofnewterm · 11/09/2011 20:56

Milk, I do always get them back, its things like disposable bbq for a camping trip she went on. As she only goes a couple of times a year she didnt think it was worth buying one. (well, I had to buy one!). A hand steamer to clean tiles in the bathroom, she saw how good mine had come up and decided to try it. Fair enough, in case she didnt like it, but it did a great job and 6 weeks later she's asking for it again.

OP posts:
HecateQueenOfWitches · 11/09/2011 20:58

Just say no.

"sorry, it's a bit out of my way, it would mean an extra X miles in all and I just can't afford it."

Teachermumof3 · 11/09/2011 21:03

*Just say no.

"sorry, it's a bit out of my way, it would mean an extra X miles in all and I just can't afford it."*

Absolutely-two can play at being skint! I'd just say how expensive petrol prices are now-you're really trying to cut down on unecessary journeys. She can hardly accuse you of being tight.

Or have you already agreed?

Original poster
startofnewterm · 11/09/2011 21:16

Aaarrgghh, I just cant say it though. I would feel really awkward and I honestly think she would think I was being rude. But the reality of it is, my family live month to month and have hardly anything put aside for a rainy day/future yet she has somewhere in the region of half a million tied up in property which she has chosen to do, drives a flashy car, and has her future all financially sewn up. But this has resulted in her not having much spending money at the moment.

What I really want to say, but would never ever do, is suggest that she dips into some of her investments because if I invested all my money then I would have no money for taxis, bbq's, steamers etc.

OP posts:
fatlazymummy · 11/09/2011 21:18

I wouldn't say she is really nice. She is taking you for a mug really. You are subsidising her savings so that her children can have an easy ride through university.
The best way of dealing with this type of person is to say no and stick to it. Then you will see her in her true colours. Of course she may just be a bit thick but somehow I think she knows exactly what she is doing.

Original poster
startofnewterm · 11/09/2011 21:20

The thing I am struggling with the most over this taxi business is that I could drive 7 miles to pick her up and then 7 miles back to our house and then get dh to run us into town but I dont see why I should pay for 14 miles worth of petrol to save her taxi money. But, I feel very uncomfortable saying that. Although we are not exactly well off, she does know that we are not broke.

OP posts:
Original poster
startofnewterm · 11/09/2011 21:21

FLM, I think you are right.

OP posts:
Tchootnika · 11/09/2011 21:22

Aaarrgghh, I just cant say it though. I would feel really awkward and I honestly think she would think I was being rude.

What I really want to say, but would never ever do...

I think that the above illustrate the real problem - less to do with money than with your relationship with this women, which doesn't seem very honest/open.

It seems that you're probably more frustrated about being unable to speak your mind (and caring too much about what she thinks) than you are about money.

monkeypuzzeltree · 11/09/2011 21:23

Is getting the bus an option - obviously I don't know where you live but then she has no option? Or perhaps you could blame DH, say you are joining late so that she has to make her own way?

I know it is hard, but this is bugging you and you are letting her do it to you if you don't say anything. Sounds like you need to make more about how tight a budget you run - maybe you are good at making it seem as though all is well?

Tchootnika · 11/09/2011 21:24

Also, surely the issue is less that you can't afford to do her this favour, than that you really don't want to do it. Presumably you have better things to do with your time and energy, and what's wrong with that?
You shouldn't have to justifiy not wanting to run errands for this friend by arguing that you're unable to do her favours. You should simpy be able to say no to her.

Teachermumof3 · 11/09/2011 21:25

How are you both getting home from the night out?