To feel irritated by friend claiming she is skint

[startofnewterm]

A friend of mine is always moaning that she is skint. She regularly asks for lifts to save her on taxi money for nights out and is always borrowing things.

The thing is, she recently inherited a few hundred thousand and chose to buy property with it that she now rents out. She puts the rent into savings for her children which she intends to use to fund them through university.

It really gets on my nerves that she claims to be skint. She might not have alot of disposable income but thats because she has chosen to put all her rental money into savings. Something most people dont have the luxury of being able to do.

We are going out to dinner in a few weeks with lots of other friends and she has asked me to pick her up to save on taxi fare.

[Sandinmyshoes]

I would just send her a text or give her a quick call saying something like "I've checked with DH and all good for the lift, but you'll need to get yourself here and then we'll call you a cab from here on the way back - hope that's ok, looking forward to seeing you!". It's not an unreasonable request given that you're doing her a favour, so just keep it light and breezy.

I did the people pleaser (verging on doormat) thing for years, and it slowly but surely eats away at your confidence and self worth unless you learn to say what you want to say and do what you want to do (within reason!). People will not walk away from you or dislike you just because you don't do everything they ask of you, but they will keep asking you for more if you always say yes.

[LoveInAColdClimate]

Agree with all the people saying to tell her to get herself to yours if she wants a lift. I would never drive 14 miles out of my way to give a friend a lift (other than in an emergency, obviously). That's insane!

[Purplegirlie]

OP, I think you would find that if you stand up to your friend and refuse to meet her demands, one of two things will happen; she will either drop you as a friend (which I'm thinking perhaps wouldn't be a big loss for you really) or will sort out how she behaves towards you and will respect you more as you stand up to her. I would definitely try to be more assertive towards here though, it's not fair that she makes these demands on you

[lesley33]

I don't think you should say to her that she should spend some of her rent income on things like travel. It is up to her how she spends her money.

The point is that you know shes not really skint. So it is perfectly reasonable to say you can give her a lift if she gets to yours. 14 miles extra journey is significant. If she queries this just say you don't have the time to pick her up or that your DH isn't willing to come out and pick her up.

You need to get her out of the habit of thinking she can rely on you for lifts. If she asks you for a lift and you were going to get a taxi, say no you can't give her one as you are going to get a taxi.

It is harder to sound reasonable and say no to her borrowing things. So why don't you start asking if you can borrow things of hers so it is reciprocal. If she says no, then refuse to let her borrow things of yours.

[Whatmeworry]

The thing is, she recently inherited a few hundred thousand and chose to buy property with it that she now rents out. She puts the rent into savings for her children which she intends to use to fund them through university

Sorry, this shouts "user". I find the miniute you say "no" they go away.....

[EightiesChick]

Just refuse to do stuff that subsidises her, then. So with the lift, just say 'sorry, I can't, I'm afraid'. Don't give reasons why as then she can argue back. If she asks why not, just keep it simple and factual 'We won't be passing your place'. The only way to deal with this is just to not play along with it but not feel you have to explain or get defensive. It's your choice, the same as it was her choice to put her money into property (fair enough but then she can't expect others to subsidise her lack of liquidity).