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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel irritated by friend claiming she is skint

56 replies

startofnewterm · 11/09/2011 20:29

A friend of mine is always moaning that she is skint. She regularly asks for lifts to save her on taxi money for nights out and is always borrowing things.

The thing is, she recently inherited a few hundred thousand and chose to buy property with it that she now rents out. She puts the rent into savings for her children which she intends to use to fund them through university.

It really gets on my nerves that she claims to be skint. She might not have alot of disposable income but thats because she has chosen to put all her rental money into savings. Something most people dont have the luxury of being able to do.

We are going out to dinner in a few weeks with lots of other friends and she has asked me to pick her up to save on taxi fare.

OP posts:
Teachermumof3 · 11/09/2011 21:26

To be honest, if you aren't prepared to say no and you aren't going to tell her what really think-you'd better get used to being a doormat as she will continue to take advantage of you!

Original poster
startofnewterm · 11/09/2011 21:27

Monkey, all is well really, we have family holidays, nice home, everything we need, but we arent extravagant and we have no real provisions for our future, our income covers the mortgage, a nice comfortable life, but nothing more. I dont think I give the impression that we have more than what we do have.

Tchoo, you've got me thinking now...

OP posts:
MilkandWine · 11/09/2011 21:30

She want's you to drive to pick her up, bring her back to yours and then get a lift of your DH?

Oh my god, she is totally taking the p**s OP, I would never dream of doing something like that. Believe me, she knows exactly what she is doing, what a user! I'm aghast at the sheer cheek of her. The fact she never offers you petrol money is dreadful, it is the first thing I would offer.

I wouldn't pick her up out of principal, make up an excuse (as monkeypuzzletree says) Tell her if she will have to make her own way to yours if she wants a lift off DH.

supergreenuk · 11/09/2011 21:33

That is so unreasonable. Ask her if she can get a taxi to your house and go on from there. It's hard to know what to say as I don't think any of my friends would be so cheeky.

HeyYouJimmy · 11/09/2011 21:40

She's an adult. She is big enough to get a taxi there and back. Would she decide not to go out if she had to fork out for a taxi?

ChaoticAngeloftheUnderworld · 11/09/2011 21:43

You need to grow a backbone and say no. Either that or write doormat on your forehead and continue to let her walk all over you.

Tchootnika · 11/09/2011 21:46

Glad to be of assistance, start.
If this is a regualr sort of thing with this friend (or others) then it probably is worth thinking about.
Also, if you're someone who who feels obliged to do favours for other people unless you're actually incapable of doing them (and which they don't really need), then I think you should look at this, because you're perhaps not being fair on yourself.

(My mother was very much like this and effectively taught me to be like this too. I used to assume that I should do anything and everything for friends, even if really they were clearly taking the piss didn't need me to drive them around/put them up for the night/lend them clothes,money, etc...
Life's improved a lot since I've learnt that I can just say no if I want to.)

As for this time, why don't you just say, 'Yeah, maybe, if it's convenient...' and leave it at that?

suburbophobe · 11/09/2011 21:47

She sounds awful.....

Personally, I wouldn't be spending too much time with people like this. They just use you.

Why should you be her personal taxi service? Don't let her walk all over you.

Will she be around for you when times are tough, no thought not.

TheGhostNotMe · 11/09/2011 21:58

The thing is, its different people's conceptions of "skint". If she is used to lots of money, not having cash there and then might make her think she really is skint.

Take an ex colleague for example. She was moaning the other day about how hard up she was, could only afford £1500 cash for a 10 day holdau where her friends had double that. She honestly thinks she is skint, as she has a big lifestyle. I could hardly bite my lip - skint to me is crossing my fingers I havent used the emergency on the key meter yet so I have enough electric to get me through the week. Counting out every pound and penny on the kitchen worktop every week to ensure we pay everything. But equally because I am good at budgetting (and bargain hunting!) every now and then we get treats too - so other people think we are better off than "skint".

But, YANBU to be pissed off being her taxi service!!

monkeypuzzeltree · 11/09/2011 21:59

Sorry I wasn't suggesting that you make out you have plenty, just that if she is always saying how skint she is and you don't say anything and then offer the lifts, etc. she is just being given the green light to take and not think about how it might impact you. What does she do for you?

rogersmellyonthetelly · 11/09/2011 22:07

Sorry but she is saving her money and effectively spending yours for you. It's not fair. Why should you fork out extra money driving to pick her up when she won't spend her own? If shes that skint she can stay in.

fatlazymummy · 11/09/2011 22:12

This woman isn't skint. She is earning rent on properties worth huindreds of thousands. I know in my area that would be thousands of pounds er month and I don't live in a particularly classy area. She should set aside a little for day to day expenses. Personally I would call her on it.
They do say that many rich people are tight and that's how they stay rich.

ImperialBlether · 11/09/2011 22:17

Someone is going to pay for her journey, either you or her. Think about it.

Say your husband won't be free until going-out time. If she asks you to drive to pick her up, say you'll be getting ready. If she says anything else, say, "Oh for christ's sake, just get a fucking taxi!"

TragicallyHip · 11/09/2011 22:21

If you are struggling to say no just tell her you are short on time that night and if she wants a lift she will have to make her own way to yours.

She is taking the piss tbh and I wouldn't let her get away with it!

skybluepearl · 11/09/2011 22:28

text her and say 'can you drive to mine and then I'll drive us in'. don't give an explination but if pushed you could say that it makes more sense and will save you the drive.

minxofmancunia · 11/09/2011 22:37

YANBU, skint is struggling to keep a roof over your head, and worrying about bills and food. People who have loads of savings aren't skint. They're choosing to live their life on limited means and v v lucky to be able to save/afford so much.

theincredibequeenofwands · 11/09/2011 22:40

So who is paying for her meal and drinks??

If she were proper skint she wouldn' be going.

PonceyMcPonce · 11/09/2011 22:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ImperialBlether · 11/09/2011 23:23

If she has bought property worth half a million, she must have inherited a million, mustn't she?

If she has no mortgage on the properties, she must be bringing in quite a bit of rent. Is she really saving all of it for her children's university fees?

Iamseeingstars · 12/09/2011 01:16

I wouldnt expect my partner to drive a long way out of his way to pick up people unless it was reciprocated on a regular basis.

My partner would actually travel to the other end of the country to pick someone up if I asked him, but it is the principal.

I had this many years ago and I got that I stopped going to the events (my loss) until she finally got the message and realised she needed to make other arrangements.

You will have to be firm and stop lending stuff, keep stuff out of view so she cant see it to borrow it (you will know her trends and likes).

You dont have to fund her lifestyle and if she wants to socialise it is up to her to sort herself out. Your kindnes is now getting the better of you

DandyLioness · 12/09/2011 01:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

snippywoo2 · 12/09/2011 01:41

just say yeah ok, your a mug she knows your a mug move on. Your the mug friend she can depend on sorted.

sausagesandmarmelade · 12/09/2011 05:57

Start saying NO and stop pandering to her ways

Purplegirlie · 12/09/2011 06:21

I too would start saying No. Don't apologise, don't offer an explanation. Just a text saying "Won't be able to offer you a lift tonight, see you there" should suffice.

iscream · 12/09/2011 06:58

Tell her to make her own way to your place, then she can get a ride from there. Or say you don't have any gas /petrol and can she throw in towards that?