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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel slightly ashamed telling people I'm a 'housewife' but also really enjoy being a 'housewife'?

99 replies

DarlingDuck · 10/09/2011 11:38

Not sure what the term is nowadays, housewife/homemaker/stay at home mum, but anyway I don't want this thread to turn into a sahm vs working mum row!

Basically I was brought up by very liberal feminist parents, I was always exepcted to go to uni, get a degree and have a good career, marriage and kids where never really mentioned.

I left school quite young with no qualifications, worked low paid jobs, travelled the world, got married and had three wonderful DC's.

I'm a housewife/homemaker/SAHM and am very happy doing this but I feel a real deep seated sense of shame when telling people I'm a housewife/homemaker/SAHM, aibu and does anyone have similar feelings?

OP posts:
missmogwi · 10/09/2011 11:41

YABU to feel ashamed. If you are happy and fulfilled in your life good for you. Smile
It's probably because you were brought up to do the opposite that you feel this way?

needaliedownnow · 10/09/2011 11:42

Yabu.

Don't feel ashamed.

MrsRobertDuvall · 10/09/2011 11:44

God no.
I loved being at home for about 5 years, as I didn't want to go to work, and was lucky not to have to.
I had lots of friends who kept me sane, had time off at weekends .
Once they were At school I was bored and went back Term time which is great. Wouldn't like to be at home now.

Original poster
DarlingDuck · 10/09/2011 11:45

I just feel like a bit of a failure tbh, I know logically I'm not and that I am incredibly content with my life but I feel that I somehow 'less than' women with degrees and good careers.

OP posts:
Kladdkaka · 10/09/2011 11:45

I tell people I'm a lady of leisure.:o

BlowHole · 10/09/2011 11:47

Say it loud "I'm a housewife and I'm proud"
Please don't start using one of those wanky terms like "domestic engineer" though Wink

Original poster
DarlingDuck · 10/09/2011 11:51

It's sad how there is a sense of shame attatched to whatever you decide to do as a woman!

OP posts:
Original poster
DarlingDuck · 10/09/2011 11:51

I mean in the home/work sense

OP posts:
worraliberty · 10/09/2011 11:54

YABVU to be ashamed of looking after your own children and home

Would you be ashamed if you were a child minder and paid to look after other people's children? There's no real difference except you're paid an hourly rate Confused

glitterkitten · 10/09/2011 11:55

Darling I agree.

Feminism peddles guilt. Be proud of being happy.

Firawla · 10/09/2011 11:55

dont be ashamed, you are happy doing it so why feel bad?
i am like you a housewife with 3 dc, i am proud of it as there is not any job i would prefer than this. i have got a degree but im prouder of the dcs than of the degree, i've never used it as only thing ive done since graduating is keep having babies Grin

worraliberty · 10/09/2011 11:57

It's sad how there is a sense of shame attatched to whatever you decide to do as a woman!

I mean in the home/work sense

And do you think it's not the same for men? To some men it's even more 'shameful' to be a stay at home Dad or a Nurse...or to do other roles that have been traditionally thought of as 'Women's work' by society.

thebeansmum · 10/09/2011 12:00

DarlingDuck I feel the same as you. I have a good education, strong work ethic and loved going to work. Recently we made the decision for me to stop work as childcare just wasn't working out and parents have full and busy lives but luckily we can manage without my salary.

However, I feel ashamed when people ask what I do. I feel like I should tell them the whole story, you know, a bit like my first paragraph but with more detail - who I worked for, for how long, etc. I know I shouldn't care, I am fulfilled and it's not forever!

So, YANBU feeling that way - that's the way you feel! I understand EXACTLY how it makes you feel.

Chandon · 10/09/2011 12:00

I know just what you mean.

cleanteeth · 10/09/2011 12:04

I love being a SAHM but I do feel ashamed when I have to fill in forms saying unemployed.

ihatecbeebies · 10/09/2011 12:05

I felt the same being a SAHM OP, so I volunteered in a charity shop when DS was about 10 months old, then got a job a while later just so I didn't feel so embarrassed. Before I did that people would always ask me when I was getting a job (DS wasn't even 6 months old by this point!) or if DP gave me a night off people would say 'aw that's a shame you have him babysitting he works all week you should give him a rest' Angry

PublicHair · 10/09/2011 12:15

i am at home with my kids, there are a lot of us 'modern day housewives about. I had a good career, i was made redundant, one day i will go back to work. i don't think you need to apologise or make excuses about what i am doing with my life,other than to dp!

MargeryDaw · 10/09/2011 12:18

There was a piece in the Evening Standard magazine about this yesterday, by Lily Allen, talking about being proud to be a housewife. If you're not in London you can probably find it online.

I wish my DH and I could afford for me to stay at home with our son but our circumstances mean I'll have to go back to work when he's 9 months.

Original poster
DarlingDuck · 10/09/2011 12:19

I'm surprised (judging by this thread) how common it is to feel this way! Yes the form filling is always a bit Blush for me too...

OP posts:
Meglet · 10/09/2011 12:24

yabu for being ashamed. I wish I was a housewife!

amicissima · 10/09/2011 12:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TrillianAstra · 10/09/2011 12:26

Feminism does not peddle guilt. Don't be ridiculous.

sleepywombat · 10/09/2011 12:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

inmysparetime · 10/09/2011 12:36

I wouldn't get hung up on what other people might think, you can't have any control over that. What you can control is how you decide to feel about it IYSWIM. Work can wait, your kids are only kids for a short while, you are privileged to get that time with them. Pity the judgey pants people, they don't understand what a great job it is keeping a household happy, healthy and amused year in year out.

oranges · 10/09/2011 12:38

Yes, agree with Trillian Astra. Feminism doesn't peddle guilt - it gives you and your daughters the right to be treated as equals to your husband and sons.