To feel slightly ashamed telling people I'm a 'housewife' but also really enjoy being a 'housewife'?

[DarlingDuck]

Not sure what the term is nowadays, housewife/homemaker/stay at home mum, but anyway I don't want this thread to turn into a sahm vs working mum row!

Basically I was brought up by very liberal feminist parents, I was always exepcted to go to uni, get a degree and have a good career, marriage and kids where never really mentioned.

I left school quite young with no qualifications, worked low paid jobs, travelled the world, got married and had three wonderful DC's.

I'm a housewife/homemaker/SAHM and am very happy doing this but I feel a real deep seated sense of shame when telling people I'm a housewife/homemaker/SAHM, aibu and does anyone have similar feelings?

Whatever you call yourself, you should never be ashamed of enjoying your life!

Every woman should be free to make the choices that make her happy - that is what feminism wants to achieve.

Unfortunately there are a lot of judgey folk out there who will always find a reason to try and make you feel bad about yourself, whatever choices you make. Luckily, you do not need to justify yourself to these arseholes.

I am not a SAHM myself but that doesn't mean I can't understand that is the right thing for some people or that I think that particular set of choices implies anything about their intelligence!

TBH I feel all this SAHM / WOHM shit is just the same old sexist divide-and-conquer. And because of that, we need feminism to remind us that women should be working together to change things, to get society to put more value on all the low/un paid and crucial work that is (mainly though not exclusively) done by women r.e. caring, raising children etc.

Well said Grumpla.

Yes, well said Grumpla

if you're so nonplussed why are you asking mn to define terms for what you do

Darling Duck - are you me? Feel exactly the same but I've been at home for nearly 10 years now and all children in school full time.

scottishmummy - What do you mean?

Oh god don't be ashamed or embarrassed! I'm a FT working mum and I know some judge me for that, but you have to be sure of and comfortable with your choices and hold your head high. Fuck anyone who judges you, love.

dont tie self in knots about what other folk call it or think of it. get on with what you do

bemused at the yeah you do what you want dont let anyone judge you comments. well you see people can and will judge - what is significant is how you deal with it

so im not sure why you need to ask mn if term housewife is ok. given that you say you are very happy

scottishmummy - I asked as haven't heard it used in a while and all the forms now say 'homemaker', I thought it may have become politically incorrect in the mean time leaving me open to a flaming on those grounds... Personally I'm happy to use it in place of homemaker to describe my 'occupation'

homemaker?too twee martha stewart
people will judge,so dont sweat it, call your self residential domestic technician if it fits on a form.

Yeah I do when I have no other option to tick other than 'homemaker' on forms..

I'm a woman with a good degree and I'm jealous of you ;) Don't feel ashamed! x

Feminism means having a choice. I hate it when feminism gets put in a bad light when it's the only reason we get to have these conversations!
It's also a fair point that men are assumed.to work, which I don't like.

Whatever you do is great.

Men don't get a choice though do they?

If they decided they loved being home not working whilst expecting someone else to fund them they are called lazy, cocklodging etc. The double standards are incredible.

You can enjoy being unemployed, it's an easy lifestyle. However it comes with many downsides. Being reliant on another for your every need is never good, the role model it sets to children, no backup salary should the man quit work or be made redundant or leave etc.

I'm with TheBigBankRocks

I'm a housewife. . I've been both sides of the fence and worked hard for what I've got. I intend to enjoy it

It's sad how there is a sense of shame attatched to whatever you decide to do as a woman!

I am a raging feminist but in this tiny sphere I am compelled to note that the level of shame attached to a father not bringing any money in is much greater. I know because DH is a SAHP and people can be amazingly twatty about it.

I can't believe that we still care about what other people think of us to the extent that we feel ashamed

I went out to work for 20 yrs (childless) then worked from home for 20yrs (with children) and this month is the beginning of my next 20 yrs doing neither with newly retired dh. Ive had a fab time, intend to have more and don't give a toss what anyone else thinks of me and my choices.

I haven't got much of a pension, we share money, I cook, clean (with the help of a cleaner), organise, control, facilitate, bake, read, do nothing, see friends, whatever the hell I want and it's all good 👍🏻

Stop thinking about what others might think and get on living your life how you want to live it.

With this being a zombie thread it will be interesting to seeing opinions have changed in the 8 intervening years.
I use the term unwaged rather than unemployed.
If your spouse has a business, farms etc. it can be practically impossible to juggle DC and a career unless you are happy to outsource childcare.
IMO being a SAHP is nothing to feel to awkward about.

@DarlingDuck
Being stay at home mum nothing to be ashamed of at all.
I’m curious about lack of career pre kids though?
Forgive me if I’m wrong but it sounds like you’re from reasonable wealthy middle class background and pre kids funded by parents and now SAHM.
Lily Allen is not particularly good role model as parents well off pretends to be urban but lifestyle initially funded by parents.

I wouldn't really worry about what other people think. If you cannot afford not working without relying on benefits and it works for you and your family that's great.

One if my DC is disabled, I am really at breaking point with work and caring and would love to be able to be a SAHM (or whatever you call it) even just for a few months.

You sound happy and content. I am just envious

YANBU

I would love not to have to work. It's my absolute dream. Sadly I have to for financial reasons but if I didn't - I'd be out of there like a shot!

@workornot
Your doing a great job,
I work all kinds of parents and this thread has made me a bit sad as it’s a bit self congratulating.
I’ve been a career woman pre kids and spent time as SAHM when kids under 6 but working with families I realise majority of mums need to work outside of the house they want to or not.

so what's the update after all these years? Assuming OP is still on MN!