to think crying in work is just a bit weird?

[RedHotPokers]

I don't know what it is with the women people in my office. They just seem to cry an awful lot. I find it bizarre.

Recently my colleagues have cried for reasons including:

1. Someone being a bit 'off' with them on the phone
2. Losing some unsaved work on the PC
3. Feeling unappreciated
4. Being asked to take on an additional piece of work cos someone is off sick
5. Even because they left their purse at home would you believe!

Since when was it the done thing to run off to the toilets sobbing every time something a bit stressful happens.

I can honestly say I have never cried in work. If I have been a bit pissed off or stressed, I take it home with me (rightly or wrongly). I would be mortified at the thought of sitting weeping at my desk!

AIBU to think people should get a grip?

(And btw, my workplace is one of the least stressful I have EVER worked in. Think public sector admin, no threat of job losses currently, and very few people working past 5pm).

Thanks Carrie

I actually do feel I get on well with my colleagues (some are actually good friends of mine), and I like the atmosphere in my office, and I have a nice boss. However, you may be right and everyone may hate me behind my back!

I guess I am of the view that work is an escape from the home-stress (albeit to a different type of work-stress) and I like to keep home and work seperate where I can. I am not totally devoid of all feeling, its just I feel I can't do a good and professional job if I'm constantly sobbing about every little thing. And for all those who have wished bad luck on me so I can see how other people feel, don't worry I've had my fair share!

However, as I stated up-thread, the point of the thread (as MrsDV and others have realised) is that there is a trend AFAIAC, certainly in my office, for people to turn on the waterworks every time something minor happens. And those of you who say there may be something more behind it, may well be right. But this is a recent thing in my office, and has started to feel slightly over-dramatic and maybe even manipulative.

Or maybe I'm just an unfeeling cow!

was that directed at me carried?

Plus I think a few posters have been a bit disingenuous to try to claim that I would have a problem with someone crying because they have been diagnosed with cancer or their parents have died.

Oh the irony. Reading this thread, listening to Jeremy Vine playing a song called "Crybaby".

I had a member of staff who worked for me who turned on the waterworks at the drop of a hat whenever she wanted to get out of doing anything. It had obviously worked well with previous managers (who were all male & I wonder if that's significant) but cut no ice with me. When she had genuine problems happen I was obviously understanding & sent her home when required. When she was sobbing at me because of the heavy duty hole punch (yes, honestly) I'd hand her a tissue, ask if she needed a minute or two to gather herself and then continue the discussion when she'd stopped. Oddly enough, stationery-related wailing decreased markedly after that.

Whoever it was that said that you can tell the difference between genuine heartfelt emotion & manipulation was right. Especially when you get enough practice. :)

Exactly, DMC.

'Do need a minute or two to compose yourself over the company's choice of office equipment?'

Yep, DMC that rings a bell.

Yes, DMC! I used to work with a woman who did just that - cried at everything going. DH still works with her and recently she first snapped at him and then when he asked her in private what was wrong, it turned out that the fact that we had lost our baby to stillbirth was really hard on her. So he wound up comforting her while she cried about how hard our personal tragedy had been for her. Some people are just unbelievable. However, this is all part of her usual pattern of behaviour - had it been a one-off I would have been less annoyed.

That being said, I have cried in the office twice, I think - once when I had made a complete tit of myself on a night out and said some horrible things to my boss while hammered. When another colleague called me on my behaviour on Monday morning I just burst into tears - I had spent the whole weekend stressing about it and I was so wound up I couldn't hold it in. That was in front of the whole office .

The other time was in the toilets - DH and I got diddled buying a new car and when we got it home discovered that its brakes were in a very dangerous state. I phoned up the seller and tried to make him pay for the repair and he basically told me to f*ck off, and hung up on me. I just welled up at my desk and made a dash for the toilets. When I had calmed down I called Trading Standards and reported him [vindictive emoticon].

i have cried twice at work - first from stress and lack of sleep caused by drug dealing thug of a neighbour (at the time) who regularly attempted to smash front door in all hours of the night and threaten to kill me; second when my partner of 8 yr decided to dump me via email to my work address. nice. both situations are worthy of a good sob i feel, but the ones listed by the op are only worthy of a bit whinge and maybe some extra chocolate i'm afraid.
as for stationery related wailing, i've some experience working with someone like that too, and it doesnt matter to them what personal horrors you are going through, somehow the fact they cant find the tippex is always far more traumatising

The major crier in my university department is a man, and he bursts into tears at moments of high drama in meetings, like Vesuvius erupting. However, the reason that is effective is precisely because he is a man (and a very tall, rangy, long-limbed, rugged type of around 50) - a woman crying wouldn't have the same effect at all. He's totally without shame about it, and it certainly gets him heard, if only because it's not possible for the rest of us to argue with him wailing and spouting tears across the table!

I think some of the differences emerging on this thread must come from the difference between open-plan workplaces and more private ones. Should I feel the need to howl and bang my head against the wall, I have a private, lockable office to retreat to, so no need to weep in public or hide in the loos. It must be much harder to deal with things in an open-plan space.

I manage a team of about 40 pepes and I find it completely baffling and unneccesary when anyone cries, I really do.

About work related stuff I mean not bereavements etc.

I carry on as if I've not noticed it or give them a hearty, Terry and June style pat on the knee and boom 'You're alright, love, come on!'

YANBU OP and well done to MrsDeV for your psychologically healthy attitude - no need to explain or justify yourself to those people on this thread who are using emotional manipulation to try to make you feel bad.

God people who are in the habit of sitting at their desks blubbing do my head in.

YANBU at all.

I cant see anyone trying to make MrsDeV feel bad?

Just people trying to present an alternative argument. [to people posting on the whole not just MrsDeV] This is AIBU so of course there are going to be opposing opinions.

I personally think it is equally psychologically unhealthy to not cry as it is to blub every time they feel stressed.

This thread just goes to show how different we all are really.

I do think that people that cry to take the heat of themselves in the working environment when they fuck up is manipulative and I can see why it would piss people off.

Amber - there are a multitude of postings saying things along the lines of "you're cold hearted" and "I'm glad I don't work with you". It seems to me these comments are somewhat nastier than the OP & MrsDeV objecting to emotionally manipulative criers.

There are plenty of posts here saying similar things about people that cry too!

I've cried at work twice - once I had deleted a customers work in error and now saved it an It was all my fault. It got resolved but I had had such a fright and was so ashamed of myself I started crying

The second time was due to confusion in the office but I was 11 weeks pregnant, exhausted and upset. I just couldn't stop! It's so embarrassing but you can't always help it!

The thing is, if you do start wailing about such trivial things, you do get yourself a reputation for being manipulative/annoying to work with and where I work such reputations will follow you round for years as we have good staff retention & long memories.

HardCheese - in a former job I also worked with a man who cried at least once a week. He's still in the same position he was years ago whilst everyone else has been promoted & moved on. I can't help wondering if his lachrymose tendencies have been partly responsible for his lack of career progression. It's certainly not for lack of applying for new stuff. Like I said, long memories...

I have cried at work, because of work, twice: once over a (very unfair) unfavourable appraisal that I totally wasn't expecting and the nature of which made it untenable for me to stay there long term - not full on waterworks just not quite able to keep it together long enough to get the hell out of there. The second time was when I was having to admit to my lovely boss that I had made a major fuck-up and he was nice to me.
The other two times were non-work-related - being told my granny had died 3 days before Christmas, and the time I was pregnant and started bleeding at work (oh, and had just found out h was having an affair) - I think we've all agreed those are justifiable snivel-occasions and I did mostly keep it confined to the ladies.

On the whole I do think crying at work is best avoided if you want to be taken seriously but if you are someone who cries easily that's easier said than done.

I have worked in a very streeful profession and been bullied at work but I have never cried at work. Work is work. I have ranted, raved and pissed management off. But then I am a hard nut. I never really cry at home either. I am blocked emotionally. I did cry at my mum's funeral and got really cross when someone told me not to.

I have a colleague who is a crier - if you don't do things her way, she cries. And then the rest of us have to comply with her 'because you know how upset she gets'. She doesn't have a fucking thing to be upset about in RL

There is a trick to wearing a calm face when internally your brain is saying ohmygodnoyoupoorthingiwanttotakeyouhomeandlookafteryou.

MissVerinder you are a true professional.

When my DD was in hospital being treated for leukaemia, one of her nurses broke down sobbing by the side of her bed - the emotion was just too much for her.

This was understandable, but harrowing for my daughter, myself and my family.

Not good having to comfort the nurse as well as my child.

poolet how awful.
As you say - understandable but not at all helpful to you our your DD.

Its experiences like that that make me determined NOT to be like that nurse when I am at work.

Because when I am at work, my emotions and my 'stuff' has to come after those of the famiies I work with.
It can be really hard sometimes. Particularly when a child has a similar condition to my DD's or even when a child reminds me of her for other reasons.

The professionals I remember with most affection (from when DD was ill) were the ones that used to bring a bit of sunshine in with them. Not annoyingly cheerful Pollyannas but the ones who recognised that we had enough to deal with without putting up with the aftermath of their bad morning.

I hope I succeed. I do try but I know I must slip up sometimes. I would certainly never cry in front of a family. Just not my place to do that.

I think there is a time and a place,

If people are genuinely upset thats one thing e.g. but some people maker a habit of bringing issues into work which they shouldn't that would irratate me.

Amber - there are a multitude of postings saying things along the lines of "you're cold hearted" and "I'm glad I don't work with you". It seems to me these comments are somewhat nastier than the OP & MrsDeV objecting to emotionally manipulative criers.

I didn't mean my comment to be taken in this way at all, and wasn't being passive aggressive in the least to anybody else that may have misunderstood. All I meant was exactly what I said - that I may well burst into tears and that I hoped the nosy cows weren't around - certainly wasn't referring to anybody on this thread.

As it was I didn't go into work, so avoided any nosy bovines

If I had gone in then I likely would have burst into tears if I ran out of staples - but that's just the way things are at the moment, I'm usuall 'nails' too and it takes a lot, but sometimes I burst into tears at seemingly insignificant things, when in fact there is a shitstorm happening in my private life that I just don't feel like sharing with work.

I do get the point of the OP though, and I agree.

wow, that was rambling and incoherant