to think crying in work is just a bit weird?

[RedHotPokers]

I don't know what it is with the women people in my office. They just seem to cry an awful lot. I find it bizarre.

Recently my colleagues have cried for reasons including:

1. Someone being a bit 'off' with them on the phone
2. Losing some unsaved work on the PC
3. Feeling unappreciated
4. Being asked to take on an additional piece of work cos someone is off sick
5. Even because they left their purse at home would you believe!

Since when was it the done thing to run off to the toilets sobbing every time something a bit stressful happens.

I can honestly say I have never cried in work. If I have been a bit pissed off or stressed, I take it home with me (rightly or wrongly). I would be mortified at the thought of sitting weeping at my desk!

AIBU to think people should get a grip?

(And btw, my workplace is one of the least stressful I have EVER worked in. Think public sector admin, no threat of job losses currently, and very few people working past 5pm).

It is a tricky situation. To be honest, it really annoys me sometimes when people cry at work especially for petty reasons. I suffer from depression and bpd, but I have never cried at work, although I do a lot at home.

I understand some are really emotinal and that's fine. But I am a teacher in adult education, and once I co-taught with another teacher and my students made her cry EVERY DAY. These were professinal polite adult students, who would, on occassion, tell you if they found an exercise boring, or that they wanted to learn something different to what you wereteaching. Not in a rude way, they were just very specific about what was useful for them. And that made her cry. In my opinion, that is ridiculous. If that upsets you, you really shouldn't be in your job because you are unable to do it properly.

Also, once in a meeting, some colleagues were getting a bollocking for losing a child on a trip and colleague a said that he had left them with colleague b. Colleague b burst into tears, said colleague a was blaming her and colleague a was threatened with the sack for bullying her. Total bollocks.

Some people need to wise up or get a job that doesn't stress them out to the point of tears.

Have cried at work once (again v pregnant) because they told me I wasn't being made redundant.

I have never cried because of
*1. Someone being a bit 'off' with them on the phone

1. Losing some unsaved work on the PC
2. Feeling unappreciated
3. Being asked to take on an additional piece of work cos someone is off sick*

I would think people that did cry for those reasons should man up.

No one has cried where I work yet..........

I cry a lot, but only once ever at work when I was about 25. My boss had fucked things up fairly majorly for a German client of ours, but I had to take the kicking because I was the only one who spoke German. It was quite clear to the stunned open-plan office what was going on, because I was sitting weeping at my desk, holding at arm's length a 'phone that had Teutonic rantiness coming out of it. Once I managed to end the call, I went and had a go at my boss, which was satisfying and didn't even get me sacked, because said boss was very much in the wrong over the issue. By the time I'd finished, the client had rung back to apologise profusely (can you imagine how much I was shaking when I took the call?), and sent me a big box of Lebkuchen in the post.

What about how affects the users of the service/company?

When I was on JSA for a brief period I would have to see a job advisor.

This one used to fecking well up everytime I saw her because of MY situation. You know what? It DIDNT help.

Nor did it help when my MW cried at my booking in appt.

I wouldnt dream of making a complaint or anything. I just wished they wouldnt do it.

When I visit families with children who are poorly it is not my job to get upset. How does that help? It is the families' s place to cry if they need too and for me to remain calm.

I cried at work once, I was about 5 months pregnant and I have no idea what came over me! I dont really kven know what it was about! My manager was great though, he sent me home to relax for the rest of the day!

I have a friend who cries at work ALL the time! almost everytime I see her she is upset about something! Its quite depressing really, but she is a very emotional girl!

It was a running joke in my last retail management job that if it wasn't me blubbing in the toilets it was my colleage (equal responsibilty, different job titles, same amount of stress).

I've never experienced anyone crying at work

Agree with Pokers and Mrs DV about it being the culture in some environments (usually female).

If there are a couple of cryers in the office (esp if they are quite senior) Their way of responding to stress can become the norm and the drama and disruption can ease the boredom for others.

OK, people may be under stress but they need to be professional - what if the police and armed forces saw crying as an appropriate behaviour [hmmm]

Obvious exceptions are people who get bad news at work, but don't understand those who get bad news/are ill/in pain before work and then go in and start crying [hmmm]

I never, ever cry in public. But I did cry in the photocpying room when I had a horrible, horrible, horrible job with a mean bully of a boss who scheduled a day-long meeting for DS's first birthday to "test my commitment" (that wasn't why I cried - I cried because he sent me a vicious and humiliating email, wrongly accusing me of making a mistake - and copied it to all our colleagues just to make sure the humiliation was complete). I resigned soon after.

A bit of sympathy goes a long way. Even if people have nothing to cry over beyond a forgotten purse, it may just be the way they are. Why criticise them for that?

I'm a sympathetic person. I quite understand how a really difficult situation could result in tears at work. But my patience would be tested by people who blub for absolutely no sensible reason. Let alone do so routinely.

Apart from being a waste of tears - when an occasion that deserves them comes along you are unlikely to be taken seriously - it does nothing to support the role of women at work. Because in the sort of workplace where it is a constant struggle to be judged by ability rather than gender, routine episodes of weeping just confirm that women are, for some reason, emotionally incapable of functioning when the going gets even moderately tough.

Aah but some of the criers at my work are men! And also... Can someone tell me how to stop myself crying?

I agree with the OP & MrsDV - of course I have sympathy for people who are upset but I hate any behaviour at work that makes others uncomfortable.

We are there to work and so many people disregard this.

Eating meals at desks, gossiping, bullying, loud personal phonecalls, hugging (should be outlawed in the workplace) and crying are not professional behaviour.

I'll admit to a few tears - in the toilets - when my parents died, when my husband left, when I've been worried about my children. But emphatically not at my desk, in public.

Mrs DV, OP, I agree with you entirely. The only time I have cried in the office is when my colleague asked how I was and I told her my cat had died (a fellow cat lover, who knew he was ill). She came over and gave me a big hug and it just all came out. I felt like a complete idiot afterwards though, particularly as a new person was starting and I was mortified that the first thing they saw was a puffy faced, snotty mess.

Have cried in the toilets about a telling off I got which was justified, but kind of not my fault. I said something that offended someone but I had no idea it would have offended them and would not have offended anyone else. They were probably being over sensitive, I was probably being a bit brash.

But there is no place for it at a desk for minor trivia. Lose some work? A chain of obscenities will do, if you have to do something. I was particularly proud of my 'fucking fuckity fuck' a couple of days ago when I spilt tea all over one of my reports.

Glad not everyone thinks I'm a meanie!

Feel better after my ranting, and possibly now able to be sympathetic enough to offer a tissue next time a colleague starts blubbing!!!!

MissMarjoribanks - I am also of the 'fucking fuckity fuck' school of stress management! There'll probably be a thread on here soon: AIBU to be fed up of my colleagues swearing slightly under their breath?

I've cried at work twice. Once when I was a trainee secondary school teacher, chatting to my mentor admitting I couldn't cope and would be leaving at the end of term and the other time I welled up (didn't properly cry) was when I'd complained about being told off for something really minor and it was all blown out of proportion and I had to go and see the big boss (who'd never even spoken to me prior to that) although I was admittedly heavily pregnant, hormonal and boss was being really awkward. Never went back after ML.

Under my breath? No chance. My colleague told me he was filing the fuckity incident away for later use himself. And it's entirely MN's fault that I am seriously overusing the words twat and nobber at the moment. Loudly.

I've never cried at work but have been with people who have done so regulary. Some people have a lot going on in their lives, some people are just emotional and often its both. Can't say I have a massaive problem with it.

YABU its not wrong to have a good cry if everything is getting on top of you. The new 18yo guy in our office broke down in tears on Mon after our boss had a massive go at him because he'd made a small mistake. My colleague gave him a hug and I certainly wouldn't judge him for it.

I think it's one thing to have the odd blub at work when something just gets on top of you but I mean the odd occasion, it probably happens to most of us. It doesn't look professional if someone just gives way at the slightest thing at any time because it quickly becomes a habit. I'm sorry to say it but some criers do like an audience and that's just irritating when you're trying to work.

If I was that upset at work, I'd hotfoot it to the ladies, no way would I cry in public.

Thing is - what about the affect all this blubbing is having on the other in the office?

Do these frequent cryers think about the impact on colleagues all also have a lot to deal with at home?

They come into work to get away from the stress, get their work done so they can get home and carry on with dealing with elderly parents, sick children, horrible teenagers, waiting for biopsy results etc.

Its a bit much for them to be faced with someone sobbing about a broken mug or a canteen spat isnt it?

everythingsnotrosie
I take a deep breath or two. I somtimes shake my head from side to side or click my fingers a few times. I also say a few things to myself under my breath.

Its not something I would suggest everytime you feel like crying - just when you need not to.

I cannot cry and its as unhealthy as crying too much IMO.

I bawled my eyes out at work after being asserted by a patient - he tried to push me backwards down a flight of stairs. I then cried in clinical supervision (group) about it. I also cried when my then boss offered me a week off for said assault, an his manager said that actually as I wasn't 'badly injured' I could have 2 days Industrial Sickess.

I left the NHS and am a lecturer - and I love everyday - and occasionally comfort colleagues who are upset / frustrated etc. Generally boy about broken nails or lost purses tho...

Assaulted even, though asserted physically also works kind of.

Sounds like your workplace isn't a very happy or supportive place. Sometimes its the silly little things that are the final straw between keeping it together and crying.

If I was in an office where people were crying a lot, I'd probably think about leaving!

i dont no how true this is but a girl i work with told me when you work closely with a group of women your menstrual cycles start to go in sync ? so maybe there all hormonal at the same time IYSWIM

the last time i cried at work was when my OH rang to say the bank had refused us our morgage,i was early pregnancy and cried in front of my male boss who was very understanding about it

a few girls ive worked with have cried but its been over things like there OHs been wankers

im a very sympathetic person but i never no what to say when people cry

since been pregnant i cry at anything at home , x factor and BGT usually lol